I’ve left my husband - please help!

[Mothersmith89]

Hi everyone

I have left my husband of 10 years. 15 together.

for years something hasn’t felt right. We don’t really have sex or much fun together. We tried few therapists. I think I am just checked out.

has anyone else done this? The wavering guilt and doubts are so painful!

I think it’s the right thing but I will never really know will I?!

he keeps indirectly mentioning about how I’ll regret this at 40 as no man wants a 40 year old woman

is that true? Any stories of life after divorce. I’m 36, one 6 year old. Can’t have more kids (physically impossible) is there life for me? I’m so scared : (

looking for any stories, either way!! Thanks xxx

My OH and his ex wife separated when she was 41 and he was 39; both were in new relationships within a year. We met three years after they separated (now been together 11) and she met her current partner three years ago in her mid fifties.

My brother and his ex wife separated when he was early 40s and she was late 40s. Both in much happier relationships four years on.

Honestly, the comments about a man not wanting you is horrible. For a start, your existence and happiness is not dependent upon having a man! Secondly, many people find happiness with a new partner at any age.

Good luck with the rest of your life.

It was better for me as a child for my parents to divorce, toxic together, decent parents apart.

OP he's just worried about no 40 year old woman wanting him.

I split with my ex aged 34, two years later I have found someone who makes me happier than I've ever been. My Dad found happiness at 60 and my Mum in her 50's after they divorced in their 40's.

Ignore your husband, don't stay with him just because you feel you won't find someone else.

So the best reason he has got, to persuade you not to leave him is:

'Soon no one else will want you anyway'...

Yeah. Run. Run away, run away now and run away quickly.

You can do better than this.

A colleague of mine went through this with her STBEXH, who, it turned out was having an affair with a teenager (so half his age). One of the filthiest comments he made to my colleague was that she'd never get another man, looking the way she did.

She was, in fact, extremely attractive and once she started dating again she had no difficulty finding much nicer guys to go out with. After a few years she married one of them.

I'd ended a marriage in March after 32 year relationship - 24 married! Best decision ever!! I am happy, relaxed and I bought him out of marital home. We had 4 kids together and I am primary carer for the youngest neurodivergent child
If it isnt working and you choose life be confident in your choices. I found when I made my decision that a weight lifted and my stress elves reduced. It's hard to be the one person doing everything and still being in the wrong all of the time!! Choose life, yes it will be hard but if it means you are happy and loving life again I say do it!!.
I am just about financially stable with a massive unplanned mortgage but I am happy. I have been cut off by ex entire family despite them relying on my on many occasions over the years!! Clearly I was simply thier dogsbody rather than genuinely appreciated.
Do what is right for you !! It gets easier!!

Why do you want another one?
Enjoy the peace.
I'm married a 18 years, & happy. If it ended, I'd be happy on my own with my children. If I came across someone else great, If not, I wouldn't care.

This. It is always better to separate than bring children up in a miserable home.

What children need above almost all else is for their parents to be happy - which means if you need to separate to be happy, you have to separate for the sake of your children.

Under the patio 🤣. Brookside 🤣

I left my partner at 36 too. It's the best thing I ever did I'm so happy with my life it's just me and my son. I'm far better off financially by myself. You don't need a man to be happy

Met the love of my life at 43. I was 6 years out of a hideous marriage with 2 kids.

There's a lot of research. It just doesn't say what you want it to say.

I'm sorry but that is frequently untrue and I speak from experience. My Mum stayed in her marriage for our benefit for many years because she thought having a two parent home was best for us. She did what she did as she had our well being at heart but she was wrong. I grew up with the totally wrong idea about what a normal relationship and marriage was, neither of them was happy and there was no trust and that is not what a good relationship is. My Mum also denied herself the chance of happiness

Absolutely you can. I found myself getting divorced at 36 and thought omg what will I do (no kids but wanted them - he didn’t). I met a chap a year later then we went on to have children.

you will be fine honestly. 🥰

I met a woman who had been a widow for 20 years. She was getting married again at the age of 80 to another 80 year old she had met on a trip. He is being a total CF.

I met my second DH at age 47 following 7 years on my own with 2 young children .I was poorer than when married but other than life now , those were the happiest years of my adulthood.
Don’t stay because you think you’ll be alone . Even if you remain on your own for a while I’m sure that you’ll be happier than being with the wrong person . ……
….and the children have turned out just fine !

Also 'nobody else would want you' is pretty much equivalent to 'I don't think very highly of you myself but not sure I can do any better'

You did well to bin him off.

I was brought up in a family where my Mam stayed (times were different). My mother suffered mental abuse from my Dad as long as I could remember had a number of affairs that I know of, controlled her totally. I once asked her why she didn't leave and she said she would have brought shame. There was three children and all struggled in relationships I thought being treated this abusive way for my first marriage, never again. Your child needs to be removed from this situation, this is in my opinion. Good luck .

Left mine a year ago. I’m 34 with kids, just started seeing someone officially, new man is ten years younger than me and we are having the best time just dating and taking things slow. You will rebuild, you will move on, allow yourself to have the life you envisioned for yourself when you were a child. Good luck OP x

he keeps indirectly mentioning about how I’ll regret this at 40 as no man wants a 40 year old woman

Well there’s your reason to leave him. What a stupid and nasty comment to make.
You leave and have a fabulous life. He’ll still have contact with your child so if you have to see him always look upbeat and happy. Pisses them off no end.

And I met the love of my life at 50 :)

Lots of MNers here suggesting you too divorce your daughter's father because it's not fun anymore.

No it isn't! Stop being a fucking idiot!

You have made the tough move, now it gets harder but...also more rewarding, for you and your child as you are now in control of your own destiny and the world is your oyster. Don't rush into a relationship, take your time to settle into singledom, rediscover your own self worth and learn to be happy with you as a single parent. Once you have learnt to be happy by yourself and to fall back in love with yourself....then maybe dip your toe back into the dating pool. There are lots of potential partners out their, 40 is relatively young these days. I remarried at 53 - when its right, its right. Your husband has regrets and he wants you to have them too, so he wants to undermine your self confidence, don't let him. Show him what an amazing woman you are and set yourself free and sod his opinion.

People who grew up in loveless home where parents didnt get along would probably beg to disagree with you forcing OP to stay with a toxic man she does not love anymore.