I’ve left my husband - please help!

[Mothersmith89]

Hi everyone

I have left my husband of 10 years. 15 together.

for years something hasn’t felt right. We don’t really have sex or much fun together. We tried few therapists. I think I am just checked out.

has anyone else done this? The wavering guilt and doubts are so painful!

I think it’s the right thing but I will never really know will I?!

he keeps indirectly mentioning about how I’ll regret this at 40 as no man wants a 40 year old woman

is that true? Any stories of life after divorce. I’m 36, one 6 year old. Can’t have more kids (physically impossible) is there life for me? I’m so scared : (

looking for any stories, either way!! Thanks xxx

So why are you assuming Op hasn’t done everything they can to make it work.

You first post was ‘make it work’, so you assumed she hadn’t? Why?

It’s really weird. What we do know is that the man she is married to is enjoying trying to mentally damage her. That his best reason to stay is because she won’t find anyone else. He is saying that he won’t want her at 40. Because no man would.

Does he sound like a wonderful man who Op is leaving just cause she fancies a change?

You could leave him and meet someone that will make you feel in 5 months what he couldn't make you feel in 15 years don't let history scare you into trapping yourself in a situation that no longer serves you, honestly you will get there

@Mothersmith89 he keeps indirectly mentioning about how I’ll regret this at 40 as no man wants a 40 year old woman

Actually, it's the opposite. Ask older men how often they are approached by women, or if any women ever try to spend time with them. Older men tend to be solitary figures with few friendships or relationships. On the other hand, a woman of just about any age will always receive attention from men.

Why would you assume she cannot support herself. One thing I have learnt on here lots of women are the breadwinners or earn equal too their partners. Even if she couldn’t now, she could get a job in a heartbeat especially as she will have to support a child. Gone are the old days where men financially called the shots.

@Catpuss66 Indeed. If she earns a typical mumsnet salary, she would likely be able to move out and buy a new house outright.

He keeps indirectly mentioning about how I’ll regret this at 40 as no man wants a 40 year old woman.
That angered me OP.
What a complete bellend. No one will want him now with that misogyny!. My dad said similar to my mum...who will want you...etc. Its controlling and the rest.. btw she ended up having few boyfriends after that and got married again ....so tell him to fuck off. My mum was in her 40s .... she was also in her 50s.
Does your OH also realize hes getting older too. Dont appeal to him...get rid

That is such a simplistic, facile comment.

The marriage is dead. They've tried. What is wrong with you?!

Normal to feel this way. Early days. Don't let that doubt about the future hinder you. Loads of people divorce later in life and end up meeting their forever person later on.

My grandmother divorced at 40 with 5 kids and although she had 0 interest in remareying she had a few proposals later in her 40's and early 50's.

The manosphere crew have entered the chat.

Don't be ridiculous 🙄

Except it can't always be worked out.

It's very sad that you believe someone should be unhappy for their entire life rather than leave the situation that is causing them misery.

That is such a sad waste of a life.

People deserve happiness.

Nobody gets a medal for enduring a miserable life until they get the blessed relief of death.

Yup. People who believe women should stay in an unhappy relationship tend to be women who don't have the strength / ability to leave theirs and awful men who don't want women to think they can leave awful men.

Nobody gets a medal for enduring a miserable life until they get the blessed relief of death.

This is the utterly toxic thing about certain kinds of religious people - they spout the idea that it's OK to be miserable in this life, and that in fact you have to, because it'll all be great in the next life. They laud the benefits of suffering in every way because their deity wants us to.

And they don't even bother to think that other people might not share their toxic beliefs.

i met my husband at age 41 and we got married the day before my 43rd birthday. so, yes, it does happen, never settle for less. you are only 36, you will be just fine and probably even better.

I agree and why do you need another man to make you happy?

The grass isn’t greener on the other side. It’s a different shade Ask him if he is willing to light the spark again if not go on your merry way girl

Lovely, I applaud your bravery, determination and empathise wholeheartedly.

2 weeks ago I left my husband, 26 yrs together, 16 married, we have a 6 year old daughter together. I'm 46, 47 next month. He cheated, broke me and my heart, and there's lots I could add to that about his behaviour that have started to be seen as controlling, domineering, and inherently selfish red flags but... We're talking about you!

Trust your gut and know yes - it's bloody scary leaving! It's unfamiliar, possibly out of your comfort zone, daunting, and well terrifying at times. Like others have said, you don't have to rush to divorce, take time and give yourself time. Whatever you decide, feel is right... Will come. X

What nonsense! No man wants a woman over 40! I got a new man when I was 51. It lasted 18 years and now I'm with the next one . I met him at the grand old age of 69 and we've been together five years. ( I think this is the last one, but who knows?) There are lots of nice men out there OP!

You rock!!! 😎

Do it. I married my 2nd husband in my 40s, got my motorbike licence and rode round Europe having a fantastic time and even went to university to study for a whole new career, had my first ever orgasm, I had the time of my life.
Even now at 62 Im having a great time. He's holding you back.

You also bloody rock!!

girl, get out there! yes men will want you. he's trying to control you with insults.

I left my ex at 34 and was worried about the same thing.

When I started dating again I had two 29 year old situationships when I was 35/36! Ofc they didn't last - just a bit of rebound fun. I started dating nice guys in their 30s and 40s after that. It is admittedly very slim pickings at the upper end of the age range though!!

For me the question is would I want any man over 40? Men that age who are still single are still single for a reason! Request a Clare's Law from the police.