Not finding anyone attractive OLD

[trakehner]

15 year relationship ended 7 months ago. I've never done OLD before but thought I would sign up and have a browse. I'm not ready to actually date, I'm still feeling very fragile despite the fact that split with ex was the right decision, we had grown apart, but there was no major animosity. However since I heard he has already met someone new, I've been feeling very low and sad.

I'm 50 so looking at men around the same age. I have viewed hundreds and hundreds of profiles and I l find literally none of them physically attractive! None of them!

Got me thinking, I don't really find any men attractive in real life either, many actually revolt me. Main reason ex and I split was that I had developed the ick for him physically which destroyed our sex life, something he decided he just couldn't contemplate a future without (fair enough).

But what on earth is wrong with me?!! Is this yet another lovely period-menopause symptom! Will I ever fancy a man again??!!!

Do you fancy women??

Perhaps you could be attracted to women or be asexual? Do you find younger men (30-40) attractive?

I don’t have the answer I’m afraid OP but I completely get it - I’m late thirties and I haven’t been able to date for years as I just can’t find any man attractive 😳
My ex gave me the ick physically too and I think that’s partly why

Noting wrong with you OP I’ve tried OLD and I find very very very few men on their attractive.

I can count on my fingers the dates I’ve had since being single in last 5 years and I my one of those I felt attracted to.

I think men in general do not make much effort. Women on the other hand do. As people age, the gap widens as men no longer have the benefit of youth on their side. I would look at younger men.

I feel the same as you OP. I'm a fair bit older, but I def went off sex around the age of 50. I'm sure it's lack of hormones/menopause.

I'm still married, but we have separate bedrooms. If we split up I couldn't imagine wanting to be intimate with a man ever again!

It's not you and it's definitely not the menopause.
It's the men in their 50s. They're just unattractive, full stop. I can't fancy anyone my age or older (48)
The rare ones I do find attractive can date a woman 10 years younger than themselves.
So maybe you should do the same. Look to date men in their 40s.

I find women more physically attractive than men in an objective sense but can't really imagine being with a woman sexually. Although having said that, my first real crush/love was a girl in my year at school (I still think about her now!) and the feelings I had for her were definitely sexual at age 16-18 although I would never ever have admitted it to anyone back then!

Apart from that one girl, I was generally boy-mad in my teens and early twenties and my social life mainly consisted of snogging as many boys as I could! My hormones sent me crazy!

I've just changed the settings on my OLD app and had at a look at some younger blokes age 30ish. I think I do find them more attractive than the ones in my age category. Although still not sure enough to actually want to get physical with one (even if they would have me 😂) .

Of course it doesn't help either that many of the men in my age category who claim to be 50 are so obviously much, much older! I know it's horribly agist but bald heads, stubbly beards, double chins and paunches just don't do it for me. I realise I'm no spring chicken myself and am hardly in a position to judge but it just feels so depressing not to be able to fancy anyone!

I really really struggle with this, because I don’t know them! I need to know someone first to find them attractive. Anyway, many years of average to ok dates, I actually am now dating a man who I do have sexual chemistry with. So it can happen!

Gosh so interesting to read that so many of you feel the same. My ex was 10 years younger than me (probably should have stated that at the beginning!) and was just about to turn 40 when we split. His looks changed a lot between 30-40 and I really don't fancy him at all anymore. Although I would have been happy just to plod on together without a sex life as we got on so well in most other ways, but sadly it was not something he could accept. I just want to feel something again!! I'm not sure any self-respecting 30-35 year old would even look twice at me now, although people tell me I don't look 50 I think they are probably just being kind 😭

That’s same with me. I don’t get that instant spark with a man. It takes me a few dates and getting to know someone before the attraction grows.
Its always a slow burn with me but once it’s there it’s absolutely there.

I think you would find many younger blokes would like to see you. I was getting lots of messages from men in their thirties when I tried OLD and I was then 51. I didn’t meet any of them though because I didn’t think we would have much in common being from different eras plus I felt I was being fetishised as an older woman which I found yucky.
But of course if it works for you then crack on.
I agree about women being more attractive than men and I pondered on trying a date with a woman but thought I probably couldn’t face actual sex and it more the idea of a relationship with an actual functioning adult (in my personal experience a very rare find amongst the male population) which appealed to me.
I found most men hugely deluded about their own attractiveness and very little effort made with even the basics.
I’ve given the whole relationship thing up as a bad job now and feel much happier for it.

I know exactly what you mean. I find almost all men revolting too having been on my own 6 plus years and looking at OLD.

I figure me & relationships just don't mix.

I'm an introvert and find most people very dull.

Sex is such a distant memory I'm too scared to contemplate, I suppose I just don't capacity or desire to meet a man now or ever.

@Blackcats7 I totally agree, the dream would be a partnership with another functioning adult, ie a woman, but without the sex part!

For the past 7 months I have felt very happy, content in my own company and positive about the future alone (have even booked a short break away that I was really looking forward) but since I heard that ex has met someone, I feel like I've been punched in the gut and everything has turned on its head. Suddenly I'm obsessively checking Bumble trying to feel some sort of physical attraction to someone, anyone! and feeling terrified of the future alone, and don't even want to go on my trip anymore 😭.

My friend found her husband (eventually) from OLD, and he's very handsome, but she said the men in their 40s and 50s were mostly bearded, balding and unfit and she felt no attraction at all - she herself was very glamorous. She went a few years younger. I think her husband is 6-8 years younger.

I wouldn’t be questioning your sexuality or anything. The men that will be contacting you will be a lot older. Men your age will be looking at women in their thirties even younger. It’s all very depressing. I’m 40 and don’t ‘fancy’ people much. I can objectively think someone’s attractive in a sort of passive way but they’re usually younger.

Also you’re not going to feel attraction to photographs. Women aren’t generally visual in that way.

I was rather the same given my husband had an affair with and then moved in with my best friend. Plus I had been married (twice) and in long term relationships all of my adult life so I had no experience of living on my own and didn’t find the thought appealing. It took a few years before I got used to it and came to appreciate the benefits. Hopefully you will too and then if you do meet somebody you would like a relationship with you are then making a real choice rather than feeling any need to be with someone.

I find European 50+ men far more appealing - the majority of middle aged British men are the pits to look at - call me shallow - too much booze, a shitty diet, no exercise and a lot of them think they’re sexually appealing to the younger woman 🤡🤡

A recent insight from me is that men who are actively looking for casual dates look to be in better shape - presumably because they can see the link with getting more action and are enjoying the fruits of their efforts. Having met one, I’m finding the others more appealing, and have managed to get used to the whole beard thing that everyone has going on.

It’s the same for me. I’ve never been immediately attracted to a man based on what he looks like.

Just look at all the threads complaining about 10+ years older partners dozing off on the sofa at 7pm every night and not wanting to do anything at the weekends from women in their 50s.

Try dating the men in their 30s. Live a little, have some fun and you never know you might even enjoy sex again!

Attractive men your age are generally looking for women who are about 40. The men you will attract as a 50yo woman are probably about 60. There’s a fundamental mismatch between what you’re looking for and what they’re looking for.

And as others have said, the decent men who make an effort with their appearance have probably stayed married! Those who are on the market at 50 are mostly there because a woman has thrown them back into the sea.

When I started old I found I was really fussy. But some are better in real life. However my type has completely changed. I also lowered my age range as bald heads just weren’t doing it for me. Now with someone a fair bit younger!

I think you should consider saying women.

You've been in love with a woman before and you might find yourself enjoying the sex. In my experience sex with women is way more intense than with men.