Not finding anyone attractive OLD

[trakehner]

15 year relationship ended 7 months ago. I've never done OLD before but thought I would sign up and have a browse. I'm not ready to actually date, I'm still feeling very fragile despite the fact that split with ex was the right decision, we had grown apart, but there was no major animosity. However since I heard he has already met someone new, I've been feeling very low and sad.

I'm 50 so looking at men around the same age. I have viewed hundreds and hundreds of profiles and I l find literally none of them physically attractive! None of them!

Got me thinking, I don't really find any men attractive in real life either, many actually revolt me. Main reason ex and I split was that I had developed the ick for him physically which destroyed our sex life, something he decided he just couldn't contemplate a future without (fair enough).

But what on earth is wrong with me?!! Is this yet another lovely period-menopause symptom! Will I ever fancy a man again??!!!

A lot of younger women are seriously put off by casual flings, which does mean men in the younger age group are pretty desperate for casual sex so they would tell you anything you want to hear to get it from someone else! Nothing wrong with that - just making it clear everyone knows why this attention is there.

There's also a fair few out their who fancy they've fallen madly in love, and as PP says try to strong arm a relationship. Some of the younger ones fall very hard and can actually become a bit of a nuisance. My friend ended up with a near stalker when her casual fling decided she was the love of his life, and I've ended up keeping mine, against my better judgement.

Interesting, that’s not been my experience at all! Don’t get me wrong, there were plenty of men of all ages who clearly would have had sex with a coffee table it had offered them the opportunity for casual sex, but the ones who got past my very strict filtering system were fine. I actually prefer older men so the youth had to work very hard for my attention 😁

I work in finance so my colleagues are 80% male, a lot in the 20s-30s group, so I have been party to or overhead lots of conversations about casual flings with older women because younger women want to settle down and start families. Now these are highly educated and very well paid professionals, usually very fit, so they don’t need to work for anyone’s attention - particularly if it is someone older. They say it is as easy as clicking your fingers. I appreciate not everyone has had the same experience but I haven’t ever met anyone 10 years younger working that hard for my attention, given that there are so many other single 30-40-50 year olds. Perhaps if you live in a small rural area but definitely not in London.

I don’t doubt it given the demographic you’re talking about - but having grown up in those circles, I wouldn’t hook up with a city boy/finance type if you stapled £50 notes to him and dipped him in gold dust 😁

Also, I think it’s important to note that not all women WANT commitment. Like many women, I was after casual flings and good sex with hot men who i never had to see again or clear up after; I wasn’t looking for marriage!

If you take a look at women’s profiles on OLD (via male colleagues and acquaintances), as I have done vicariously, the majority of women are after commitment, and I reckon the number is higher for women in the 30s age range. Even for women in the 40s, the majority of profiles (I reckon 60%) have LTR/life partner ot similar. So it is a function of demand and supply - lots of younger men looking for casual sex and a lot fewer women looking for casual sex. So those women that are after casual sex are definitely at an advantage!

But what I am also hearing from the men in their 20/30s- even those that are looking for something serious- is that they are being chased by women 5-10 years older. So it sounds like older women are also the pursuers of younger men and not only vice versa.

As someone who isn’t an after a casual fling I have to agree with OP- there isn’t anybody I remotely fancy on OLD in London. I am planning to find a way to move to Scandinavia where I found everyone in their 40s/50s (on OLD and IRL) absolutely gorgeous!

The last thing you want to base a theory on are men's stories of the number of women chasing them. Young or old they're often so taken with themselves you only need to ask them to move out of your way and they think its a come on. They also tell fibs to look good in front of their friends.

I have tried the apps and am starting to come to the conclusion that there is no one out there for me. I agree with a previous post saying that men and women are looking for different things. As a woman in her mid forties, divorced and with teenage children I was hoping to find a friend/lover for dates but not with a view of settling down. For the likes of me there are a few men of a similar age but they are not suitable, the only one I dated that was solvent/with ok personality had bad teeth/breath and I couldn’t continue. There are the younger men looking for sex and/or facilities to cocklodge in but thats not for me.

‘But what I am also hearing from the men in their 20/30s- even those that are looking for something serious- is that they are being chased by women 5-10 years older. So it sounds like older women are also the pursuers of younger men and not only vice versa.’

They are absolutely exaggerating, in my experience of a) being friends with young men and b) being a 30 something woman on some fairly ‘alternative’ dating sites. Horny young men who think older women will be grateful for their attention are ten a penny.

I’m sure there’s plenty of pursuing going on both ways, on an individual level. But in my experience, it’s them doing the pursuing, to the extent that I had to write in my profile that I wasn’t interested in anyone under 30 so there was no point contacting me. Didn’t stop them, bless their hearts.

What’s wrong with fishing and showing photos from the hobby? It’s a nice and meditative hobby.

I can honestly say I’ve not spoken to a single woman who sees an OLD profile with a topless man holding a fish the size of a human being and thinks ‘yes that’s the man for me’

And personally I think it’s cruel so it’s an immediate swipe left for several reasons

I’m in my 50’s and I get plenty of 20/30 something men message me asking if I’m into younger men - which I’m absolutely not interested in someone young enough to be my son. And some of them are very persistent

I think ooh look a little potato and a big fish! If he was holding a bag of frozen peas in his other hand he'd look like a picture of my nan's tea.

What’s wrong with fishing and showing photos from the hobby? It’s a nice and meditative hobby.

It's a dead animal, it's not really what I want to see, and I don't like the trophy hunting vibe, hey look at me I killed this. Actually, I might find it more attractive if a man was fishing for sustenance and knew how to prepare and cook the fish. I still don't think I want to see it in his photos though.

I know some women like going fishing too so there's a chance a fish-waver could impress a fishing woman. And as I say if you like men who bugger off to do hobbies a lot it could be a plus.

But also it just makes me think "this man doesn't know much about women". Most women do not sit around going "OMG I've found this amazing guy on OLD, you should see the size of his dead fish".

Umm, I actually find it hard to believe that these men are being ‘chased’ by younger women. They may exchange a few messages, arrange a date or two but ‘chasing’ is a gross exaggeration.

Everyone I know releases the fish after taking the photos, so often nog dead.
my husband likes fishing and genuinely try to understand such a negative attitude. He tells a lot about the beautiful dawns, silence and dragonflies around as his appeal for fishing.

I'm sure fishing is lovely for people who like it... that's not the issue. Men are welcome to their hobbies (though I think understandably vegans etc might not be keen), it's featuring the fish in the photo that's a bit of a turn-off IMO. But each to their own 🐡🐠🐟

I don’t agree with pulling fish out of water just to pose for a photo so if that’s a negative attitude then I’ll own it.

And I said I’ll stand by the fact it’s an extremely unappealing look for ann online dating profile. Really the ladies aren’t impressed by a giant carp

The lack of insight & self-awareness from these men is mind-boggling.

I'd LOVE to know what they think of our profiles!!! Do women have the same clichés & if so, what are they?

Filters, heavy make up etc help though. Women do a lot to enhance their features, men don't bother and let themselves go.

From a quick straw poll of my male friends, plus their comments (paraphrased by yours truly), the most common female online dating cliches are:

’Must be over 6’3’ - nothing wrong with having a height preference but apparently some women make being under 6ft a dealbreaker the way most people would make being a member of the BNP a dealbreaker

‘My kids are my world’ - well yes, one would hope that went without saying 🙄

’Looking for someone to spoil me/treat me like a princess’ - translates as ‘i’m an insufferable pain in the arse’

’Don’t bother asking me for coffee, I only do dinner dates’ - because who doesn’t want to commit to a full evening and a potentially awkward meal with a demanding stranger off the internet without even grabbing a drink to check compatibility first?

Lots of filtering to the point where you can’t really tell if they have a nose or not

Animal snapchat filters and/or photos of cuddly toys - is this an adult or a child?

That was the general feedback 😂 i can confirm that none of them have ever posted a fish pic and they appear to be as baffled by it as we are.

Happy to say I’ve got none of those on my profile 😀

As a bisexual woman, I can also add (from men and women):

’please have a threesome with us’ - hey, at least romance me a bit first 😁or, you know, have a conversation that lasts more than two seconds

’i’d like to watch you have sex with my wife/my husband. They don’t know that yet, it’s a surprise’ - dear god, what could possibly go wrong? 🙄

’i have an open marriage, honest guv’ - men and women do this, it’s always obvious when they’re lying

‘I know we’ve only been on two dates but I’m falling in love with you’ - this is its own cliche in the world of gay female dating for a reason, but men do it too

I had fun out there, but this thread is making me very glad of the last two happy years I’ve spent with my lovely, odd-only-in-a-nice-way DP 😁

Oh another one men seem to do is have a profile photo where they’re so far in the distance only a hawk with binoculars can actually see what they look like

Or a photo with a big group of mates so you have to guess which one they are