Not finding anyone attractive OLD

[trakehner]

15 year relationship ended 7 months ago. I've never done OLD before but thought I would sign up and have a browse. I'm not ready to actually date, I'm still feeling very fragile despite the fact that split with ex was the right decision, we had grown apart, but there was no major animosity. However since I heard he has already met someone new, I've been feeling very low and sad.

I'm 50 so looking at men around the same age. I have viewed hundreds and hundreds of profiles and I l find literally none of them physically attractive! None of them!

Got me thinking, I don't really find any men attractive in real life either, many actually revolt me. Main reason ex and I split was that I had developed the ick for him physically which destroyed our sex life, something he decided he just couldn't contemplate a future without (fair enough).

But what on earth is wrong with me?!! Is this yet another lovely period-menopause symptom! Will I ever fancy a man again??!!!

Oh yes I love the group pics, the long lens photo pics, and the blurred unflattering bathroom selfies. Oh, and the ones with sunglasses indoors - why???

@KnitFastDieWarm can you do a quick straw poll of your male friends and find out their age settings ? I think Therein lies the answer….

Of the two men in the house with me at the moment, one has 28-46 (yes, I also questioned the odd specificity of this age range) the other has 30-50. They are 36 and 40 respectively.

I shall endeavour to collect a more representative sample 😁

@KnitFastDieWarm i’d wager they are focusing their attention on the lower end of those age ranges hence the disappointment about bunny ears etc

I did Bumble. Literally found no one attractive but decided not to judge appearances and didn’t want someone to do that to me (little overweight post menopause). On there on and off for over a year perhaps longer. Didn’t care what they looked like but they had to be thoughtful and intelligent and kind and a full on man and not a man child or a whiner about an ex etc or a Disney dad. Met I think 4 people but I messaged for a while and then talk and then date. Saw a couple of people for 5-6 dates but had high standards. So one guy knew I had a long and stressful day at work but phoned me at 10.30 pm and then talked at me for over an hour about his day and didn’t ask me anything. So that was that etc

My current DP wasn’t on my radar in terms of looks, but he was in terms of intelligence and was very much a team player and kind to everyone. One date and I liked him and asked to see him again. Second date great conversation and connection - no kiss. Third date - nice concerts and drinks and again really liked him but no kiss. Was a bit 🤔 does he like me etc? 4 th date went to lunch, art gallery, museum, then unplanned dinner and snogging and I was in total love. Didn’t have sex for a while but loads of kissing but my god the sex with him post menopause is the best sex I have ever had and it is daily still - I want him. He turns me on. He cooks, cleans, hangs the washing out, cleans the windows etc without being asked - he just does. He was married and sadly wife died a few years before he met me. So they are out there. But it is looking for a needle in a haystack.

His photo on bumble might not have had me swipe but his mind did and my god it has rebooted my sex drive.

I find DP far more handsome at nearly 70 than almost all men my age (50) and younger - he’s still strong and lean after a lifetime of outdoors work, whereas many younger men seem soft around the edges and missing the quiet confidence that is so attractive.

Rather than OLD I would suggest being as open as you can to possibility and potential with men in the local area - we actually met, unexpectedly, whilst dog walking!

I dated a lot of younger men and had a good time but it was still quite time consuming and took up mental space, and sometimes pissed me off or upset me.

I think about diving back in but I'm not sure it's worth the effort.

so are bunny ears an older woman thing? i’m not au fait with generational snapchat filter usage 😁

I very much agree with the previous poster that a lot of it could be an exaggeration since a woman expressing an interested more than subtly could be misinterpreted easily. But I think it can be true when it comes to people you meet IRL rather than OLD as I have two 40s female acquaintances who are very much chasing men in their 30s - they met through hobbies/extended social circle and keep finding ways to pretty much stalk them by showing up to events and the like (I have been dragged to a few social occasions as a wingwoman). They haven’t been successful so far so this strategy is clearly not working.

My dear sister. Why do we even feel that it is necessary to have a man? Maybe its time for you to be with you and develop that relationship. Its a beautiful one. You have the whole world to explore and develop friendships with women who are usually more interesting anyway. So maybe time to stop, breath and meet yourself. Good luck. Its a wonderful journey.

I'm 54, recently separated, not looking to date yet but when I'm out with my friends I'm getting hit on a lot by men in their mid 40s. Which is absolutely fine with me 😁

I've always preferred men my own age or slightly younger. So when I look to date I will be looking around that age group I think. 45 to 55 perhaps 🤔 I'm not looking for anyone to move in with again, just a lover perhaps for some fun and dating.

Really happy with my own space and my own company and have loads of lovely friends.

I met DP on bumble. He messaged me or sent me a compliment or something. Both of us had photos with no poses or filters. He was 52 I was 49. I wouldn’t have fancied him in a pub and he wouldn’t have approached me. However a first date led to a second and a third. Then I fell hard. I’m overweight and menopausal and he’s slightly overweight and losing hair. I fancy the pants off him now though.

This is my thread for solidarity!

I tried OLD 3/4 years ago and had a few dates before deciding the time wasn’t right.

Then a few months ago I thought I’d give it another go and OMG it was dreadful. There were very few men I found attractive enough to swipe right on and those I did match with were generally incapable of holding any sort of conversation. And the one man I chatted to for a few weeks ghosted me 24 hours before our arranged date.

Given up for now as I’m far too busy to date until the new year and might try again then but not holding out much hope

Genuine question. Are there many dating profiles showing a man at the stove, looking round into the camera with a big cheesy grin? Ie, cooking said fish?

I'm returning to this thread after 3 months with an update no one asked for 😄.

After posting, I took a long look at myself and what I actually wanted out of OLD (or any sort of dating). I decided I wanted some fun only, nothing serious, some freedom to explore options after such a long previous relationship. I also realised that I am not generally physically attracted to men my age or older (this is just my personal preference). So I came off any paid dating apps and just stayed on FB dating and stated quite brazenly in my bio looking for a younger man for some fun times possibly more 😅. I set the age range 35-45 (I'm 50) and immediately started to see profiles/get messages from men that had the potential to be physically attractive to me which was at least a step in the right direction. I got plenty of interest but was picky about the matches and only bothered communicating with those that stood out according to my specific criteria of green flags. To cut a long story short in the last 3 months I've met up with a small number men, had some amazing sex (after genuinely thinking I was done with sex for life after my last relationship) and have totally reawakened that whole physical side of myself and feel quite rejuvenated 🤣.

One of the men has turned out to be rather special and against my better judgement appears to be developing into something much deeper than just a bit of fun ... it's early days and we both have busy lives with lots of other commitments... we shall see... BUT it has been amazing to feel this way about someone again and I really do fancy him a lot! I will add that his FB photos did not really do him justice, although he had the basics of what I find physically attractive, I could easily have swiped past on any other day, but something made me take a chance. It was quickly apparent when we started messaging that we were going to get on and when I first met him in real life his wonderful personality brought his features alive in a way that no photo could ever capture. The attraction was instant.

So I guess I am coming here to back track on my original thread title and say that it is possible that some attractive men may actually exist on OLD after all

What a great update! Thanks for that.

How old is your new man?

tell your friends to go for men in their twenties, because i watched a funny video that said that was a good match for the short term anyway because nobody wants men in their twenties or older women 😂😂😂

OP thank you for the update that nobody asked for, hee hee, good for you being smart and focused about getting what you want, I’m happy for you 💖

Thank you @BlastedPimples and @Vegandiva 😊. And he's 40 in case anyone is interested 😄