Not finding anyone attractive OLD

[trakehner]

15 year relationship ended 7 months ago. I've never done OLD before but thought I would sign up and have a browse. I'm not ready to actually date, I'm still feeling very fragile despite the fact that split with ex was the right decision, we had grown apart, but there was no major animosity. However since I heard he has already met someone new, I've been feeling very low and sad.

I'm 50 so looking at men around the same age. I have viewed hundreds and hundreds of profiles and I l find literally none of them physically attractive! None of them!

Got me thinking, I don't really find any men attractive in real life either, many actually revolt me. Main reason ex and I split was that I had developed the ick for him physically which destroyed our sex life, something he decided he just couldn't contemplate a future without (fair enough).

But what on earth is wrong with me?!! Is this yet another lovely period-menopause symptom! Will I ever fancy a man again??!!!

Despite spending every walking hour there not at work up a mountain, on a paddle board, in a kayak, on a bike wearing bollock hugging Lycra or wresting bears, they’ll be completely bemused as to why their marriage ended

That made me laugh a LOT

As a mid 40s woman I agree with everyone’s observations.
I have just come back from Scandinavia and found men - those out and about- in their 40s/50s (visible white hair etc) a lot fitter and much more attractive. I don’t know if they were all single but a few were without a partner/kids so potentially at least some were.

I know what you mean, i am/was in a similar place, not finding anyone attractive, especially on OLD. It may be to do with not being ready to date.

I've since gotten over it and find some men attractive IRL!

Also, do you usully become attracted to personality/ after some interaction? I just don't get attracted to someone just based on looks full stop. Another reason why I don't OLD.

Depending on where you live there may also just be a real lack of attractive men! In my area many are 30 going on 60, or look like they live in the gym.

Go for younger men. I've done it and never looked back. They are nicer, often more generous , no emotional baggage and aesthetically more pleasing. I've tried dating men 50+ post divorce but the vitriol they have towards their ex wife/ the stinginess/ lack of flexibility put me off completely. There is literally no benefit in dating an older man.

I think you don't find anyone attractive because you're not in the headspace to start dating/thinking of yourself with anyone else.
I remember after my divorce being so opposed dating, part of me still is (😅) to the point where I couldn't even picture it. As I've healed, it's got easier.
If looking at OLD isn't helping, just take a step away from it. It'll feel right when you're ready!

I can only face OLD in short bursts, 3-4 x a year, for 2-4 weeks at a time.

There comes a point where I can't even face looking at the app & think "please don't show me any more profiles"Then I know it's time to stop.

It would be so much easier if I met decent men in real life; OLD is so artificial but seems to be the only way these days.

I disagree. I’ve been more than ready for least a couple of years and I’ve been on dates but I just find very few men who are available attractive. That’s on OKD and in the wild. I’d love to meet someone I connect with but it’s just not happened.

The men I’ve met socially are just as bad. Well they seem absolutely fine at first or I wouldn’t give them a second glance but they very quickly turn into either pains in the arse who bombard me or else they just want quick easy sex.

And this isn’t just personal to me. All of my single friends have had similar experiences. Honestly our chat group would make a great tv show 🤣🤣

The algorithm puts you in a pot with people it seems are at a similar level of attractiveness to yourself. It's all rubbish.

Every now and again I reactivate my profile just to see if anyone new and interesting is out there. I reactivated about an hour ago just to have a nose.

So far had 2 messages - from a 74 year old and a 78 year old. I’m 55 ffs

Definitely consider younger. I am a little younger at 41 but post divorce, I have the most amazing partner aged 28 who ticks all the boxes. He is more mature, emotionally intelligent, considerate and decent than most men I know in their 40s (including xh)

I'm in my 50s and not on OLD as I have a partner, but attract men in real life. I've never had one as old as 60 approach me. Mostly they're around the 40 mark, but some have been considerably younger, as is my partner. So I think that's likely to be a bit of propaganda from unattractive men who want to get us to settle for them by persuading us the only alternative is an even older one.

Absolutely this.

Speak for yourself. I am definitely visual in exactly that way.

Let's face it: two of the biggest dating myths/cons around are that "women aren't visual" and that "men get better with age". Men are generally hottest in their 20s and (less reliably) 30s, just like women. Though women generally age much better. It's not particularly unusual for me to see a real-life woman in her 40s who is physically attractive, and occasionally even 50s or 60s. Physically attractive, non-famous men over 50 are practically a mythical species.

When I get to 50, my probable options will be (a) a (considerably) younger man, (b) a woman (I'm somewhat bisexual) or (c) celibacy.

I've often heard this about younger men. What I don't understand though is if 50-year-old men don't want 50-year-old women, why do younger men want them? Logically these younger men should be chasing even younger women.

Most men OLD lie by 5-10 years about their age but if you search for same age and 5-10 years younger then you you can more easily spot the liars.

Sexual experience.

From personal experience- younger men like confidence, the fact that you know what you want and know who you are. It's not just sexual experience- you can say the same about all men

Because men are partly driven towards young women for reasons outside of the objective level of attractiveness. There are old men who will want ANY woman just on the basis she is young, and would prefer a plain younger woman over a more attractive older one for ego reasons and to make them feel they've still 'got it'. These men use DOB as a first filter and by pass attractive older women on principle.
Young men on the other hand know they've 'got it' where young women are concerned and have nothing to prove. They are their peers and so hold no special status as a prize or novelty. Even younger women less so. There is no status for a mid 20s man to date an 18 year old. The opposite in fact.
Then there are the stereotypes that older women are more sexually adventurous and less demanding. That they're independent and want little more from the man than good sex which lead to the older woman having a bit of a moment where some young men are concerned.
Lots of theories.

I'm happily married but recently said to my husband that if I was ever in a position to date again then I'd struggle as I don't find anyone my age or older attractive!

As you say, bald, overweight etc and an awful dress sense as they get older!

Yes, odd conversation!

The attractive men mid 40's-50's are dating either multiple women younger than them or with a younger woman.

on a bike wearing bollock hugging Lycra or wresting bears,
😂😂😂

That’s why I said ‘generally’. Most women need more than looks to feel attraction.

I seem to have terrible luck. On the rare occasion I match and have a decent conversation that leads to a date, they cancel at the 11th hour, never to be seen or heard from again. What’s that about? They talk a good talk but I suspect married…