Not finding anyone attractive OLD

[trakehner]

15 year relationship ended 7 months ago. I've never done OLD before but thought I would sign up and have a browse. I'm not ready to actually date, I'm still feeling very fragile despite the fact that split with ex was the right decision, we had grown apart, but there was no major animosity. However since I heard he has already met someone new, I've been feeling very low and sad.

I'm 50 so looking at men around the same age. I have viewed hundreds and hundreds of profiles and I l find literally none of them physically attractive! None of them!

Got me thinking, I don't really find any men attractive in real life either, many actually revolt me. Main reason ex and I split was that I had developed the ick for him physically which destroyed our sex life, something he decided he just couldn't contemplate a future without (fair enough).

But what on earth is wrong with me?!! Is this yet another lovely period-menopause symptom! Will I ever fancy a man again??!!!

And the few that aren’t seem attractive initially but pretty quickly reveal themselves as sex pests or cocklodgers in waiting

I don't fancy anyone for (usually) at least a year after I've known them because I need to know their personality. Maybe online dating just isn't for you, it's very rushed and forced.

I saw the mugshots of those idiots who are up in court for riots and thought wow, that's just what my Tinder feed used to look like 😳

I am so glad to be out of that world, I did meet my DP there so it can't be all bad but it really is slim pickings. The funny thing is I didn't think he was especially attractive in his photos or when I first met him but his profile attracted me and once we got chatting and then met it was so easy. I now think he's absolutely lovely!

PS I did have a few experiences with younger guys before I met him and I can definitely recommend it 😉 I'm 50, not tall, slim or blonde but I had them queuing up!

I downloaded an OLD app (hinge) for the first time last week, and what a disappointment it has been! I am mid-40s and most men who have liked me were the right age, 40-50, but I don't fancy any of them... I matched with a couple of them just to have a conversation but that didn't take off either so ended up unmatching them. Might give Tinder a try or perhaps it's just the same people there too.

Not sure what else to try to meet anyone. Meeting someone through work or friends is not really a viable option. I tried a local running club but the average age was ~60. Maybe will try a hiking meetup group or another running club..

Anyone over 50 don’t even think about paying for Ourtime - quite frankly the worst rogues gallery I’ve ever seen of pasty flabby men taking hideous selfies or wearing a hi viz vest proudly holding a giant fish.
The Norman Bates vibes scream out at you!!

Though I did probably get my most memorable opening message in there from a bloke who was a dead ringer for Fat Bastard from Austin Powers asking if I was up for a BDSM session. Sadly I had to decline 🤦‍♀️

WTF is it with the fish? It’s not just that looking a giant dead fish is offputting. It’s also mindboggling that these men must really think “ah yes the ladies will be impressed with this!” “A big dead fish will make me look hot AF”

I suppose it’s useful in that he’s telling you goes fishing a lot so he’ll be out of your hair…

Same with the hill/cycling/hi viz/topless/gym shots.

Sooo unappealing

I know @MrsWhattery it's truly baffling, would love to know how many women actually find those photos of dead fish appealing! Also agree about the lycra/gym gear!
I am also surprised by the number of men in their 40s/50s who seem to think that sticking their tongue out or showing a middle finger in their profile photos is somehow appropriate.

I'm 43 and have felt the same for about 5 years.
Very beautiful famous men in their 20s I could fancy but that only exists in my head and I've no delusions about real.life versions.
Otherwise I am just generally irritated by men and find penises quite silly now, having had a very active sex life in my 20s.
Would also like a woman for the company but don't know if I could be bothered with the sex.
Don't know what the answer is.

OMG YES!!

The middle finger is vulgar and chivvy... left swipe straight away without even reading the profile... if they bothered writing one!

Agreed! The amount of tattoos as well - maybe that's just me being older 😭

And sunglasses seem to be synonymous with being married/cheating!

Well, so do I. But the physical attraction is a sine qua non. A lot of women seem to deny themselves that.

This thread is brilliant - and SO comforting to know that I'm not some weirdo who doesn't find men attractive . I got divorced in my late 40s and went into OLD after about 18 months where I met my partner within about 3 months,. We were together for 5 1/2 years but this included nursing him through an 18 month breakdown with alcoholism which ultimately killed him a couple of years ago.

Since then I've found no one attractive - even blokes on the TV or films. Yes I might look and think 'wow hes got an amazing body' or 'he's cute' but never find myself wondering what someone would be like to kiss, or have sex with, or anything anymore. I'm 55 , peri menopausal, overweight, insular, introverted, spend all my time working or walking the dog and then mindlessly watching endless TV series whilst scrolling on my phone. Can't work up the desire or energy to see people or try to socialise even though I'm sure it would do me good.

The other issue is that even if you do find anyone to match with the vast majority have no idea how to communicate.

The one word or closed responses to a message. Or the ones who ignore everything v you’ve said and just send ‘you’re sexy’ or an emoji like that’s a conversation.

I get some people aren’t great over messages but make an effort to use a few words ffs

I actually had one guy who literally only sent emojis so I said to him ‘come on use words’ and he replied 🤣🤣🤣 - you’re 54 mate not 10

I’m mid 30’s and very rarely see men that I’m actually attracted to. Maybe 1-2 a year that I find really physically attractive. Maybe you’re just super fussy like me.

Honestly this thread is helping me so much. I feel so much stronger today. The warm, witty, intelligent and fabulous women of Mumsnet never fail to disappoint 🥰

Which is funny really because a regular theme of Ex's complaints about my failure to meet his bodily needs to his expected standard was that I spent to much time on Mumsnet and had therefore been brainwashed against sex by man hating feminists 😂😂. Actually mate, if you're reading this, I couldn't bring myself to have sex with you because you began to physically revolt me but I was just too kind and polite to tell you!
Gosh that feels cathartic!

The bloke I did date briefly is now back on the app having shaved 3 years off his age and added a couple of inches to his height. I’m like, mate, women aren’t blind and you are not 5ft7.

Its funny isn't it how the more inadequate the man the more threatened they are by 'man hating feminists on MN'. I have never in my long life heard a confident attractive successful man complaining about what may or may not be said by women on mumsnet. Probably because those men are too busy living their lives in relationships with women who do like and want to have sex with them to bleat and whinge about what we're saying on here.

Most women find most men unattractive
That only increases with age.

I have joined a few Facebook groups for singles such as the Adventure singles, and just from my observations of these groups alone it is pretty evident that the standard of women around the 40+ age group is much higher than that of men, at least in terms of looks.

Go younger - you’ll have no issues, trust me 😂

I’m almost 40 and when I when I was on dating apps (two years ago) I was INUNDATED with messages from men 10-15 years younger than me, mostly good looking and pleasant, who just fancied older (to them) women. Trouble is, I don’t fancy 25 year old men boys 😁

But at 50, you’re the prime age to meet a gorgeous 35 year old bloke who’s looking for a woman who knows what she wants. Try setting your age range to 30-40 and see what happens!

I'm 38 and I can see it slowly shifting in the males I know. Grim. Fish pics tho. Is a a slippery slope to OAP dick pics? Vomit

Well my age range on OLD is 30-55 as a mid 40s woman and whilst I attract plenty of attention from men in that range IRL, I haven’t had any traction with this age range in the very least on OLD. You probably need (i) very revealing photos in bikinis/cleavage showing and (II) clear indication you are looking for casual sex. My profile only had fully clothed photos and I have literally received two messages from anyone below 40. Where are those gorgeous 35 year olds hiding?

Oh yes, I should clarify that this largely applies to casual flings (which was what I was after, and I made that very clear - didn’t stop at least two of them trying to strong arm me into a relationship/tell me they loved me🙄).

My boobs were safely covered in all photos though 😁