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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

MORTIFIED, he didn’t turn up to meet the family!

264 replies

Maisiexo · 11/08/2024 10:11

Absolutely mortified! Boyfriend (well ex now) has been pestering to meet my family for ages now. I finally organised a meal which included myself and boyfriend, DF and his partner, DGPs and DB for yesterday at mine. Boyfriend seemed very happy to be meeting them. It’s been difficult finding a weekend where they were all free as DS works shifts and DF works away.
It was planned for 3pm. I spent all of the previous night and yesterday preparing a 3 course meal from scratch. Boyfriend isn’t from here so included dishes from his country too.

I messaged in the morning to confirm 3pm would still be good for him. He said yes and I got everything ready.

At 2:15pm I get a message off him saying he will come after 4pm instead as he wants to go to the gym “in a bit”and shopping beforehand! No apology for being late. I explained that the food was already in the oven and I didn’t know if my family would be able to stay that long as they had other arrangements for later on in the day. He then tried to turn it around on me saying that my family obviously weren’t that interested in meeting him if they couldn’t be bothered to wait an extra hour and a bit to meet him. 😦

I told him I found it very rude that he was trying to turn this back on me and has dropped me in it with my family. He then blocked me and never turned up. He rang off a no caller ID a couple of hours later but I didn’t answer

By the time he blocked me it was almost 3 and my family arrived a few minutes later. It was so embarrassing having to explain to my family that he hadn’t turned up. We did enjoy the dinner and I hid my emotions while they were here but have been so upset and mortified ever since.

AIBU to be disgusted in his behaviour? He was making out I was blowing everything out of proportion and he has every right to turn up hours late!

OP posts:
goodluckwiththat81 · 11/08/2024 10:14

bloody hell

how long had you been together?

MellowYellow552 · 11/08/2024 10:16

HE is the one who should be mortified, not you. He's ridiculous, don't give him another thought and definitely don't give him another chance.

WonderingWanda · 11/08/2024 10:17

Crikey this is cruel and appalling behaviour. What an absolute twat. Do not under any circumstances allow him to coke crawling back with any excuses. This is nasty behaviour.

I also can't believe you felt you needed to hide your emotions in front of family, you poor thing. Have a good cry about it, treat yourself and then feel pleased you aren't wasting any more time on this lower.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 11/08/2024 10:19

Glad you referred to him as ex. Do not let him back. He’s behaved appalling.

SamW98 · 11/08/2024 10:20

Wanker - glad he’s an ex and keep him blocked

JaniceBattersby · 11/08/2024 10:21

Try to remember exactly how he’s made you feel when he comes creeping back. Nobody with any kind of real love for someone would ever want them to feel like that.

CheeseWisely · 11/08/2024 10:22

This is exactly the kind of thing my EXH would have done. In fact the first time he had a meal with my parents he refused to eat it and took a big strop as he'd wanted it served with tortilla chips and I'd made rice (it was a chilli).

I made endless excuses for his behaviour, married him and ended up divorced very shortly after.

Run now and don't look back OP, don't make the same mistakes I did x

Frasers · 11/08/2024 10:24

Wow, that’s bad, how embarrassing, Christ I hope you’re not going to take him back.

Original poster
Maisiexo · 11/08/2024 10:26

Thanks all 😊what makes it even worse (sorry to drip feed) is we have a baby together! We were in a short relationship last year and dc was conceived due to contraception failure. We split up shortly after and stupid me agreed to give it a second shot when he reappeared shorty after dc was born. I never introduced him to my family the first time around so this is the first time he would have been meeting them (a very messed up situation I know!)
I wish I could just block him and never have to see him again after this but he will be wanting to see dc (he normally comes to mine to see dc as he’s too young to be away from me on a night and only settles with me). After this I don’t want him coming back to my home.

OP posts:
goodluckwiththat81 · 11/08/2024 10:26

Maisiexo · 11/08/2024 10:26

Thanks all 😊what makes it even worse (sorry to drip feed) is we have a baby together! We were in a short relationship last year and dc was conceived due to contraception failure. We split up shortly after and stupid me agreed to give it a second shot when he reappeared shorty after dc was born. I never introduced him to my family the first time around so this is the first time he would have been meeting them (a very messed up situation I know!)
I wish I could just block him and never have to see him again after this but he will be wanting to see dc (he normally comes to mine to see dc as he’s too young to be away from me on a night and only settles with me). After this I don’t want him coming back to my home.

that is one HELL of a drip

goodluckwiththat81 · 11/08/2024 10:27

how old is your baby???

2sisters · 11/08/2024 10:27

He is extremely disrespectful..I'm glad you dumped him. Don't take him back. He'll only let you down and embarrass you.

Original poster
Maisiexo · 11/08/2024 10:28

Thanks all, I can’t actually believe he didn’t turn up after everything. Dc is 6 month.

OP posts:
Berlinlover · 11/08/2024 10:30

Why didn’t you mention your baby in your first post?

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 11/08/2024 10:30

You’ve had a lucky escape 💐

2sisters · 11/08/2024 10:30

How often does he see DC?

MonsteraMama · 11/08/2024 10:30

Christ alive that's less of a drip and more a fecking bucket of water to the face, as obviously without that everyone would be rightly saying "hoorah, the rubbish took itself out, block and never speak to him again".

Since you have no choice but to see him you also have to now do the difficult task of making it crystal clear that there is zero romantic relationship between you and never will be, you're happy to co-parent amicably but will not be entertaining the idea of dating him again. Sorry OP this is going to be so awkward and horrible, what a turd he is.

bluewatermelon · 11/08/2024 10:31

Biggest drip ever 🙄

Original poster
Maisiexo · 11/08/2024 10:31

Berlinlover · 11/08/2024 10:30

Why didn’t you mention your baby in your first post?

Apologies I should have. I was going to but worried I would out myself.

OP posts:
Bogginsthe3rd · 11/08/2024 10:32

Maisiexo · 11/08/2024 10:26

Thanks all 😊what makes it even worse (sorry to drip feed) is we have a baby together! We were in a short relationship last year and dc was conceived due to contraception failure. We split up shortly after and stupid me agreed to give it a second shot when he reappeared shorty after dc was born. I never introduced him to my family the first time around so this is the first time he would have been meeting them (a very messed up situation I know!)
I wish I could just block him and never have to see him again after this but he will be wanting to see dc (he normally comes to mine to see dc as he’s too young to be away from me on a night and only settles with me). After this I don’t want him coming back to my home.

No. Fucking. Way. This feels significant fact to add to the 1st post OP!

Twinklefloss · 11/08/2024 10:32

Quite possibly one of the rudest scenarios I’ve ever read on here. Of course YANBU. Unless there was a massive communication failure and he thought it was a soft start at 3pm for a 6pm meal…but even then he should have got the importance of punctuality when you explained the situation. And to then block the mother of his child…

sounds like the kind of logistical nightmare my 14 yo DS gets into with his friends but - you’re adults!

goodluckwiththat81 · 11/08/2024 10:33

Maisiexo · 11/08/2024 10:28

Thanks all, I can’t actually believe he didn’t turn up after everything. Dc is 6 month.

6 months

and he’s never met your family before

this is all so fucked up

bluewatermelon · 11/08/2024 10:34

I don’t understand why he wasn’t there beforehand and helped out with the cooking (dishes from his country, I mean why!?) and cleaning? He was the one wanting to meet your family, but you made the effort.

You sound like an absolute doormat.

heldinadream · 11/08/2024 10:34

Is he on the birth certificate?
Does he pay you any child support?

Loloj · 11/08/2024 10:34

That is a crazy situation and he sounds like an utter bell-end with no respect for you whatsoever.

Whatever you do - do not take him back. He think the world revolves around him. How disrespectful to you and your family - especially when this was the first time meeting them and they are his child’s grandparents. He is a disgrace of a man.

Get your contact arrangements sorted for him seeing the child and make sure you claim maintenance- keep everything formal from now on and only communicate regarding your child.