MORTIFIED, he didn’t turn up to meet the family!

[Maisiexo]

Absolutely mortified! Boyfriend (well ex now) has been pestering to meet my family for ages now. I finally organised a meal which included myself and boyfriend, DF and his partner, DGPs and DB for yesterday at mine. Boyfriend seemed very happy to be meeting them. It’s been difficult finding a weekend where they were all free as DS works shifts and DF works away.
It was planned for 3pm. I spent all of the previous night and yesterday preparing a 3 course meal from scratch. Boyfriend isn’t from here so included dishes from his country too.

I messaged in the morning to confirm 3pm would still be good for him. He said yes and I got everything ready.

At 2:15pm I get a message off him saying he will come after 4pm instead as he wants to go to the gym “in a bit”and shopping beforehand! No apology for being late. I explained that the food was already in the oven and I didn’t know if my family would be able to stay that long as they had other arrangements for later on in the day. He then tried to turn it around on me saying that my family obviously weren’t that interested in meeting him if they couldn’t be bothered to wait an extra hour and a bit to meet him. 😦

I told him I found it very rude that he was trying to turn this back on me and has dropped me in it with my family. He then blocked me and never turned up. He rang off a no caller ID a couple of hours later but I didn’t answer

By the time he blocked me it was almost 3 and my family arrived a few minutes later. It was so embarrassing having to explain to my family that he hadn’t turned up. We did enjoy the dinner and I hid my emotions while they were here but have been so upset and mortified ever since.

AIBU to be disgusted in his behaviour? He was making out I was blowing everything out of proportion and he has every right to turn up hours late!

Where is this man from? Really interested

What a wanker.
Good riddance.
Also interested re previous post, where is he from?
🤔

Make sure he stays an ex.

Why worry about outing unless you would have the boy back after a what 5 month relationship can't count the conception period as he went AWOL for 9 months?
Ditch and move on meet for baby outside of home but always with you as baby is too young.....is he on birth certificate?

He certainly hates you, that's for sure.

I can't imagine going to such lengths to embarrrass even my enemy ☹️.

I have no room for this level of toxicity, so I'd block him until I've processed this. I'm the meantime, contact CMS and look after yourself so you can look after your baby.

Who is this? :D

Good for you for setting boundaries, don't let him sidestep them again in the future. Hopefully your family will help you, I imagine they're not a big fan of him.

Quite frankly I would not be making ANY effort to let him see your DC. If he isn't even paying maintenance then he is a useless dead beat dad.
Block him on everything and apply for CMS.

Nah

what an absolute wanker. I hope you never see him again . Reckon your child is better off without him.

🤣 I heard that in her voice, too !

That's awful of him! How ridiculous for him to make a fuss about meeting your family only for him to then go to the gym?! That's incredibly rude of him, but well done you for dumping him!

CMS right now then he can go to court for contact. Please tell me you didn’t put him on the birth certificate?

Well done for dumping him, and please don't let him back. He's revealed himself as a grade A dickhead.

To be honest, your update about having a baby with him after a casual relationship makes this all make sense.

Frankly you guys seem to be trying to force a relationship for the sake of appearances. You had an unplanned pregnancy and are now trying to play happy families. The cracks are starting to show, he doesn’t want to be with you long term which is why he didn’t want to meet your family. He doesn’t love you or see you as his life partner, just someone he’s stuck with because he got you pregnant. He’s probably annoyed about that, more than happy about that - I don’t think you realise how one-sided your relationship is.

You just need to stop being intimate with him and start treating him like the casual-ex he is to you. The fact you brought a baby into that casual relationship is absolutely not ideal, but you can’t fix that by trying to force a relationship where he doesn’t want to be with you. If he wanted to be with you, he would have stuck with you when he got you pregnant and met your family whilst you were pregnant. He didn’t. He washed his hands of you then, and he’s doing the same now.

This type will try and worm his way back in after a few weeks. Keep strong! Don’t let him back ever. He’s shown you who he is.

Whatever happens moving forward, don't be a mug and get back with him.

His utter disrespect for the mother of his child doesn’t bode well for the future. Will he not bother to pitch up for parents meeting or to collect his child because he wants to pop to the gym first? And the world should just wait for him?

Totally understand trying to make this work after an unexpected pregnancy, but I’d walk away at this point and get a mediation service/use a co-parenting app to agree access arrangement and his financial contribution.

If he's like this now then what if he is this flaky with your poor son in the future and let's him down every time they are due to meet. He had no issues blocking you even though he has a son with you!

I never ever say this as I believe kids deserve a relationship with both parents (as long as no abuse or dv or anything of that ilk) but I would just block him and never answer the door to him. Let the courts decide if he can have access.

AND (I do realise I'm entirely missing the point here) he's not even that committed to the gym if he can go there, do anything worthwhile, shower, then go shopping and expect to get to the house ofr 4pm!

What this person has done is cruel and humiliating @Maisiexo but it is one of those wonderful life lessons along the way which is painful at the time but will ultimately save you so much pain in the long run.

He has shown you exactly who he is. He is not worthy of you and has shown himself to be cruel, unreliable, manipulative and dishonest.

If he is not paying maintenance then I would get the ball rolling asap or if you'd prefer to just cut him from you and your child's life and not have to deal with him again then that is ok too. You ultimately have to decide what is best for your own wellbeing and the wellbeing of you little boy.

Downright weird behaviour and absolutely unforgivable. Do not contact this man ever again.

My sister thought she had a BF. However he had a family back home. To be fair, none of us picked it up. He was worked in the NHS as physio and also in the same private hospital as my sis, as a physiotherapist too. It was so messy and the exchange was 'you never asked'. What is generally not acceptable here, is very often the norm for 'not from here', I am afraid.

I have to say I went HO HO out loud at the part about him saying your family can't be bothered to wait an extra hour for him to twat about at the gym and the shops. That's the first time I've done that on mumsnet.

None of which changes the fact that he was still your sister's boyfriend though. The rest of your post is just a sweeping generalization, I am afraid.