MORTIFIED, he didn’t turn up to meet the family!

[Maisiexo]

Absolutely mortified! Boyfriend (well ex now) has been pestering to meet my family for ages now. I finally organised a meal which included myself and boyfriend, DF and his partner, DGPs and DB for yesterday at mine. Boyfriend seemed very happy to be meeting them. It’s been difficult finding a weekend where they were all free as DS works shifts and DF works away.
It was planned for 3pm. I spent all of the previous night and yesterday preparing a 3 course meal from scratch. Boyfriend isn’t from here so included dishes from his country too.

I messaged in the morning to confirm 3pm would still be good for him. He said yes and I got everything ready.

At 2:15pm I get a message off him saying he will come after 4pm instead as he wants to go to the gym “in a bit”and shopping beforehand! No apology for being late. I explained that the food was already in the oven and I didn’t know if my family would be able to stay that long as they had other arrangements for later on in the day. He then tried to turn it around on me saying that my family obviously weren’t that interested in meeting him if they couldn’t be bothered to wait an extra hour and a bit to meet him. 😦

I told him I found it very rude that he was trying to turn this back on me and has dropped me in it with my family. He then blocked me and never turned up. He rang off a no caller ID a couple of hours later but I didn’t answer

By the time he blocked me it was almost 3 and my family arrived a few minutes later. It was so embarrassing having to explain to my family that he hadn’t turned up. We did enjoy the dinner and I hid my emotions while they were here but have been so upset and mortified ever since.

AIBU to be disgusted in his behaviour? He was making out I was blowing everything out of proportion and he has every right to turn up hours late!

Also, I've noticed it only seems to be mother's who are told to "be civil" when they have been shown the height of disrespect and been absolutely shat all over by a piece of scum man like this. He wasn't there during the pregnancy, showed up after baby was born, pressured you into organising a meet up with your family, fucked it off for the gym and shopping (!!!!!!!!) and blocked you, the mother of his child, because he's a spineless dickhead.

Be civil?!

Do whatever you feel you won't regret later but you seriously do NOT need to be civil because you are little mama bear. Men don't get to shit all over us and get civility because he came in you and created a life. No. Don't be pressured into that codswollop, every time I hear that sentence after a woman has spilled her heart about a man being so terrible I spiral lol. We have no innate requirement to treat people with respect who show us none. Do what's right for your baby - he's probably be a shit dad anyway. If he wants contact he can go through court or find a way to contact you because HE blocked YOU so YOU should block HIM. You have the upper hand, use it a bit. Not at your baby's detriment, of course, but hopefully you see my point. We are allowed to fight back.

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He doesn’t deserve to see his child. He’s supposed to be an adult but he blocks you after a disagreement? Seriously, he doesn’t deserve either of you.

You haven’t applied for cms so he will be with you ?? This is horrific. Put the application in now.

Oh right, I Googled but still didn't understand until it was explained! 🤭🤣🤣

I'd just say I don't think this is a bad dripfeed. His behaviour is appalling even without adding a child into it.

Also wondering if he’s been stringing me along so I wouldn’t apply for CMS.

Yeah no shit.

Oh Lovely.
Mortified? Embarrassed? Stupid? Idiot?

Please be kinder to yourself. You sound lovely, generous, considerate as well as being a responsible parent and a decent human being.

There is a stupid idiot who should be embarrassed and mortified in this scenario but it’s not you.

We all project our inner selves onto the people we meet. Part of the human curse is that we think we can see other people but we actually cannot, except in awful moments like today. It’s why it’s so important not to hide the truth from our family and friends, because we are inclined to forget and gaslight ourselves. But if we speak the truth, our loved ones will remind us.

You project decency, and so you give him a second chance. Look at his projection - he said your family weren’t interested. Because he’s not interested in putting himself out for anyone else.

He is incredibly self-absorbed and immature.
How old is he?

It’s bad for the op. Awful way to treat someone if just a boyfriend, but doing thus when meeting your childs wider family is just as low as it gets, and then when you couple in she’s not claiming cms so he will be with her , it’s so bad,

beimg mortified is the least of the ops worries.. he couldn’t even force himself to pretend yesterday.

It really is just from OP's point of view, all the 1st messages were saying "thank god you never have to see this guy again OP, forget him" when of course she does have to deal with him more.
Anyway for all those asking, M. Night Shyamalan was a rep I knew up in Slough. Good friend of mine and a bloody good rep.

Absolutely I’d block him, two can play at that game. He’s going to be a shit show of a dad anyway.

Just do not have another baby with him. It shouldn’t have to be said but half of these posts end with “oh, and I’m pregnant again.”

Your relationship needs to begin and end at coparenting. Absolutely nothing else at all. Nothing. Stay away from the guy.

Harden yourself to him - he is a selfish git.

this wasn’t just about your relationship - he turned down the opportunity to meet his child’s family. There will be years of disappointing behaviour. What a pathetic man.

i feel very sorry for your child.

He has either got cold feet and wants to cool things down and isn't ready to meet your family. Or it's a deliberate ploy to make you so annoyed with him that you end the reltionship which saves him doing it. It's disgraceful rude behaviour.

He is vile. There’s no excuse for such bad behaviour. Dump him.

I can never understand women who go on to have children, especially with men they have been seeing a shirt while, due to "contraception failure".

The mere fact you are using contraception means you are not wanting a child. So why then when it fails you decide to carry on with the pregnancy.

And once the child has been born you are tied together for ever. Not just until they reach 18 but when they marry & have children of their own.

In Op's case she will have to remain in contact with her boyfriend (I'm sure he'll woo her back) no matter what he does.

And apply for cms!! And you don’t have to let him in your home- you’ve been making everything very convenient for him but you don’t need to do that, he doesn’t deserve it. And if he’s going to fuck off into the sunset if you don’t make ti easy for him, as far as your baby is concerned the sooner the better, better his baby doesn’t get used to seeing him if he’s going to disappear.

He’s probably married or engaged to someone in his country of origin.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Be kind to yourself, put you and your baby first. I personally think you've had a lucky escape. Hugs

What a mess. So sorry op.

Apply for maintenance 1st thing tomorrow

To not mention the baby in the first post when you listed off all other family members who were at the meal makes me think this may not be true? The baby is such a significant consideration in the advice other posters give you.

He will use your baby to get a visa of some sort I imagine.

Are you Fenella Fielding?

You have a kid with this twat? Oh ffs. He sounds reliable, not. Get your CMS application in now!