MORTIFIED, he didn’t turn up to meet the family!

[Maisiexo]

Absolutely mortified! Boyfriend (well ex now) has been pestering to meet my family for ages now. I finally organised a meal which included myself and boyfriend, DF and his partner, DGPs and DB for yesterday at mine. Boyfriend seemed very happy to be meeting them. It’s been difficult finding a weekend where they were all free as DS works shifts and DF works away.
It was planned for 3pm. I spent all of the previous night and yesterday preparing a 3 course meal from scratch. Boyfriend isn’t from here so included dishes from his country too.

I messaged in the morning to confirm 3pm would still be good for him. He said yes and I got everything ready.

At 2:15pm I get a message off him saying he will come after 4pm instead as he wants to go to the gym “in a bit”and shopping beforehand! No apology for being late. I explained that the food was already in the oven and I didn’t know if my family would be able to stay that long as they had other arrangements for later on in the day. He then tried to turn it around on me saying that my family obviously weren’t that interested in meeting him if they couldn’t be bothered to wait an extra hour and a bit to meet him. 😦

I told him I found it very rude that he was trying to turn this back on me and has dropped me in it with my family. He then blocked me and never turned up. He rang off a no caller ID a couple of hours later but I didn’t answer

By the time he blocked me it was almost 3 and my family arrived a few minutes later. It was so embarrassing having to explain to my family that he hadn’t turned up. We did enjoy the dinner and I hid my emotions while they were here but have been so upset and mortified ever since.

AIBU to be disgusted in his behaviour? He was making out I was blowing everything out of proportion and he has every right to turn up hours late!

This guy has got serious issues. The way he tries to manipulate things is quite awful.
please please do not end up forgiving him or falling for his charm.
he has massive abandonment issues, some kind of trauma. He seems to have a bond to causing issues and disrupting a pleasant situation.
i am guessing he is sensitive to seeing a happy committed family like yours. He sabotages things by being disruptive. He will have no idea he’s doing it - that’s no excuse, but he’s just copying what he probably learned as a child.

i’d also point out he was probably very nervous meeting your family as he technically abandoned you and your child. His natural instinct is to mess things up and try to put the blame on you rather than confront his discomfort and try to make amends. He obviously struggles with accountability and responsibility. He couldn’t articulate how much shame he probably feels so he decided to be manipulative instead.

men like this tend to be charmers too. They like the outside world to think they are “providers” and that everything at home is fine. Internally they always end up causing chaos.

please be aware of the charming side and stick to your decision to separate.

you have a child together so you cano delete him from your life completely. But I guarantee being single is the best way forward. Also be prepared for him to start manipulating your child as he gets older.

i wish you well

Hate hate hate people who play power trips like this. Insisting on meeting them, at your expense, time and effort then tries to move the goal posts 45 mins beforehand? Get rid

You dodged a bullet Op. that is class a narcissist behaviour trying to manipulate you. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a wife abroad.

Please. OP is in a very complicated situation; it's no laughing matter.
OP - please only communicate with your ex minimally and get visiting rights, maintenance, etc. sorted out. It sounds as if he is not sufficiently mature to look after an infant, and I would be concerned about letting him look after your child. It sounds as if you have a good relationship with your family - why not talk to them about the situation and ask for support?

Wow you really dodged a bullet there! You should see it as a lucky escape ♥️

You handled his attempted gaslighting well and make sure you keep all his texts as evidence of how unreasonable he has been from the outset. He sounds very sly and sneaky and I suspect there’s a lot you don’t know about him.

Get a cms claim in ASAP.

Lol taking you to court for what? Breaking up with him? Or does he want the 2 outfits and the Teddy back? xD

Its laughable that they always get back in touch acting like nothing has happened too! Do they all have the same script these dickheads?

Don't try convince them to leave their own imaginary 'I'm a good dad' planet. Just 😆 and 👍.

Don't let him into your home again. I wouldn't be surprised if he just turns up without warning. Don't open the door. If he wants to see his kid, it's to be in public.

He has made it Absolutely clear that he has zero respect for you or your family, I doubt he had any intention of meeting them . That you have already had a DC with him is alarming , men like this probably do not make great fathers.
If he is your ex , that’s the exact place he should be . Keep it that way for your sake and you DC ‘s .
Honestly I would be packing up DC and running for the hills . You will do whatever is right for you . If he is behaving like this so early in your “relationship “in what should be the honeymoon period, can you imagine what he would be like in the future?

Still a wanker.

Thanks all again for your replies 😊It’s been over 2 weeks now since I last heard from him. Still has me blocked so doubt I’ll hear from him again.
If he did ever take me to court as he said he would (I highly doubt he ever would), would it still go to court if I told the mediator I’ve never stopped access and he’s always been told he’s welcome to see dc?

@Maisiexo he won't take you to court...its expensive. He will reach out to you for child contact once he realises the cost, mark my words.
Dont allow him in your place if so and just organize him to take kids out rather than him getting his feet under your table. He's dad, he should work something out. Don't get pulled in by his words.

Also...if you maintain you never stopped him seeing kids but he blocked you so how can child contact be organized, he will be laughed out of court. It wont go that far.

Once he wants contact with the child, and unblocks you, have interactions with him via text message / email and keep them as evidence in case needed. Write them as if they might be seen by a court. Stay child focussed. Remember you are not blocking access he has blocked his own access. The court dont really care about the past they would just look at the present and the future and for the benefit of the child. However you are not blocking access so you have nothing to fear. He would need to attempt to arrange contact first as court is expensive and stressful even if self representing.