MORTIFIED, he didn’t turn up to meet the family!

[Maisiexo]

Absolutely mortified! Boyfriend (well ex now) has been pestering to meet my family for ages now. I finally organised a meal which included myself and boyfriend, DF and his partner, DGPs and DB for yesterday at mine. Boyfriend seemed very happy to be meeting them. It’s been difficult finding a weekend where they were all free as DS works shifts and DF works away.
It was planned for 3pm. I spent all of the previous night and yesterday preparing a 3 course meal from scratch. Boyfriend isn’t from here so included dishes from his country too.

I messaged in the morning to confirm 3pm would still be good for him. He said yes and I got everything ready.

At 2:15pm I get a message off him saying he will come after 4pm instead as he wants to go to the gym “in a bit”and shopping beforehand! No apology for being late. I explained that the food was already in the oven and I didn’t know if my family would be able to stay that long as they had other arrangements for later on in the day. He then tried to turn it around on me saying that my family obviously weren’t that interested in meeting him if they couldn’t be bothered to wait an extra hour and a bit to meet him. 😦

I told him I found it very rude that he was trying to turn this back on me and has dropped me in it with my family. He then blocked me and never turned up. He rang off a no caller ID a couple of hours later but I didn’t answer

By the time he blocked me it was almost 3 and my family arrived a few minutes later. It was so embarrassing having to explain to my family that he hadn’t turned up. We did enjoy the dinner and I hid my emotions while they were here but have been so upset and mortified ever since.

AIBU to be disgusted in his behaviour? He was making out I was blowing everything out of proportion and he has every right to turn up hours late!

The only thing I gather from this is that you must be young and inexperienced with relationships. My advice to you is don’t let him back in your space. Make other arrangements with the child outside your home. I have a feeling you will go back to him but I hope I’m wrong.

You’re better off without him, that is unbelievably rude and he should have been wanting to make a massive impression to your family. That’s really rough, I am sorry and good luck.

If you can, lay down firm boundaries now for child contact and child maintenance. Get the agreements in writing via email If you can get it agreed via a mediator (who can get the agreement signed off by a court). If he isnt on the birth certificate that is good, as that reduces his rights over the child. I have had experience of this type of father and the chaos, unreliability and selfishness never ends. I shelded my child as much as possible from the let downs and chaos and I am sure you will too. Build your support network and lean on your family for support. Try and stay strong and resilient and dont let him see any vulnerability or this will be exploited. Best of luck. He has shown you who he is, and you are better of without him. Hugs x

What a waste of space.
And I do wonder when a woman gets pregnant accidentally to a loser why the possibility of abortion is never mentioned.
Obviously it's not a step to take lightly but it's like it's been airbrushed out as a possibility on Mumsnet......

Wow I’m sorry op

in this circumstance, the OP is no longer pregnant as she had the child, so abortion is no longer possible - that seems logical as to why not many people mentioned it

How very rude of him, I am mortified for you OP. He deserved to be dumped.

I hope you have a full custody! Is he paying you alimony?

No, she is even more messed!

You know his details, right, apply for child support. Get him paying his part and communicate via emails only so you have a proof for court or any officials if you need it.

It was a joke as that guy is a film director of supernatural plots and her story sounds like one. Did you get it now?

The guy you googled is a director of supernatural movies. That's why they asked if she worked for him as her story sounds like one. It was meant as a joke, but looks like not many understood it.

I am hoping you have stuck to your guns and not allowed him to stay at your home with you again, his yes will be there for 3pm then saying going to the gym will be there around 4pm is the start of controlling behaviour, this would carry on in other parts of your life and will get worse, if he wanted to meet your family and knew how hard it had been to arrange a time for you all, the work gone into the meal, then to turn around and say i will come round later shows you nor your family any respect.

He should be mortified he obviously wasnt interested wanting to meet them it wouldn't have killed him not to go to the gym glad hes an ex

Oh he doesn't want to meet your family in case he gets some home truths 🤷‍♀️ and doesn't want to answer any awkward questions.

Hi all,
Many apologies for my late reply and thanks for all of your replies 😊 Just an update, he rang up and unblocked me out of the blue a few days ago acting completely normal. No apology or mention of last weekend. I sent him a message saying that after his behaviour last weekend and humiliating me infront of my family, that any contact or communication moving forward is to be in regards to DC only. That I would be civil and he is welcome to see DC but anything between us was over.

He didn’t take it well and accused me of being overdramatic and not understanding he needs his own free time for calling him out for not turning up. I’ve never forced him to come over and he has always been the one to ask. Likewise when he asked to meet my family.

He then started saying how ungrateful I am as he is the one providing for DC not me (he’s bought him a few outfits and a teddy. I have bought everything else for DC). He wrote he was taking me to court and blocked me. Never heard from him since. I won’t be contacting him.
Thanks again for all of your replies and have a lovely weekend 😊

What an asshole @Maisiexo
You are well rid.
I'm so glad he's not on the birth certificate.
Stay well.

@Maisiexo oh, His Majesty the Prince among men got back in touch did he? Well, he’s deluded and while I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this sht, I’m also glad you’ve stayed strong and dumped his sorry rse. The bare-faced cheek of him - I bet I’m not the only one here ready to wade in on your behalf. Grrrr.

Jesus, he's an arsehole !!

Wasn't him who wanted you to arrange a lunch and to meet your folks ? Guy's a narcissist.

Good on you for sending those replies & I doubt he'll be taking you to court.

Honestly! That is what happens when you are civil with scum, they throw it back in your face. Well done you though for being strong and saying your piece. You'll feel better knowing you kept it professional and fairly pleasant all things considered - I could never (and that is NOT a good thing on my part). You'll do fantastic by yourself, you've basically done it alone anyway. Better off. Onwards and upwards. Enjoy your weekend as a woman free from the shackles of a shithouse no good "man" 👌

Thanks all. I can’t believe his cheek! I wouldn’t have dreamed to pull a stunt like that on my worst enemy 😔 Still feel quite upset about it all but have been trying to keep busy to take my mind off things! Xx

As I understand it she got pregnant as a result of contraceptive failure and split up from him 'shortly after.' By which time she'd likely got the measure of him so could probably have ended the pregnancy.
She didn't get back with him until after DC was born.

Right, but what good is pointing that out now going to do? The baby is 6 months old.

How rude! Unfortunately, your baby means that you can't get shot of him completely but keep him at arm's length - he's toxic.

This man sounds extremely narcissistic s d is going his best to gaslight you. I would keep a very careful record of his verbal communications and keep records of anything written like screen shots of WhatsApp messages. Be careful about letting him talk your dc for any visits without you present. It would probably make sense to have visits agreed formally.