Dating a non-homeowner

[Sunnydays1974]

I've been dating the most lovely person for around 4 weeks or so. They work for themself and seem to be doing well.

However they rent their current property as they cannot afford to buy.

Should this be a red flag in terms of financial security, especially if things develop between us? How can I judge their financial stability?

Thanks for the various responses, the serious ones and the keyboard warrior ones!

Its given me much food for thought, also justified me raising the questions that I had in my original post 👍🏼.

If OP is looking for a LTR or more, what would be the point of continuing to date someone once she knows it's not going to work? Why invest more time, maybe fall in love, THEN realise you're not going to be able to move forward in the way you wanted to. I doubt you'd recommend she keep dating and 'enjoy herself' if they were incompatible for any other reason.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting someone in a similar financial situation to you. I didn’t date anyone that wasn’t - that isn’t to say they were bad people or undeserving of love, they just weren’t for me 🤷🏻‍♀️

Financial issues are a major stressor in relationships, and a leading factor in break ups. Pretending that finances are unimportant is disingenuous imo.

What an awful thing to think especially at this very early stage of a relationship. Are renters "lesser" than homeowners?

It's so difficult to choose a partner these days. You meet a lovely guy that rents, so he is out of the picture. Then you meet a lovely guy who has the nice car, big house, showers every day and he turns out to be a philandering wife-beater. Thankfully I am past all this. Living life on your own has so many advantages.

Yes, these are the only three options 🙄

I wrote a long list, but thought that I would be accused of being picky...

This is true for so many people. Rents are insane.

This doesn’t make any sense , do you actually own your own home or just managed to put a 10% deposit down to get access to a mortgage loan.

unless you’ve paid your mortgage you don’t Own anything. I will give the OP the benefit of the doubt as this query could be coming from a place of worry / future security. Rather than this current dating opportunity isn’t giving her a peg up in life. You need to just find someone caring and kind, you will get a lot further with a person like this.

No mortgage.

It’s not an either/or - you can find someone kind and caring that is also in the same financial position as you. Financial disparity in relationships can cause huge issues, and love can quickly sour in such situations. It’s sensible to consider it, imo.

As a home (outright) owner I'd think twice about dating a non home owner. I guess it depends what you're looking for in the relationship, is it casual or are you hoping long term? It could get complicated long term and you'd be right to thinking about it and if it comes to it, protecting your finances.

This. When did finances and owning property become so important?🤷‍♀️

You have to remember in threads like this that many people find being called a snob a compliment.

When have they not been?

I think the red flag is you.

I'd be running for the hills if a potential dp had your attitude!

some oaf the responses on here have been ridiculous.
OP, how old is this person? Being unable to afford to buy a home is not the be all and end all, but if he's crap with money and has debt which is why he can't afford to buy- then yes, it is a red flag.

If it does progress it may become a problem seeing as you have assets and he does not. But it's only 4 weeks.

I could advise you to ask if he's got any CC debt, but I did that with my ex and he said categorically he had zero debt, only to find out he lied and was hiding 10k in debt. They're liars.

Watch patterns of behaviour. Is he impulsive? does he spend on stupid things or is he an actual grown man?Does he cook for himself or is everything ready made or takeaway.

give yourself 3-6 months and watch his patterns. Then decide.

What attitude please? Explain.
I've asked a perfectly rational question given my situation.
Keyboard warrior.

Surely age is a massive factor. You not telling us seems like you’re taking issue purely with the fact he doesn’t own a home rather than are concerned about his life choices. I’d feel differently about a non-home owner in his 20s or 30s when compared to a non home owner in their 50s.

We are early 50s

Being non-binary would be the dealbreaker for me.

In that case yea, big concern.

BTW @Sunnydays1974 it's obvious you were born in 1974. Your age was a very important detail to leave out - if you were early 20s people would have assumed you were even more judgy than you are.

Has he previously owned a home?