Dating a non-homeowner

[Sunnydays1974]

I've been dating the most lovely person for around 4 weeks or so. They work for themself and seem to be doing well.

However they rent their current property as they cannot afford to buy.

Should this be a red flag in terms of financial security, especially if things develop between us? How can I judge their financial stability?

Would be potentially off-putting esp if over 50, make me question if had lost house through divorce/ money issues etc
Would feel inequitable, also wary of him wanting to move in if rental fell through etc
Perfectly natural to slightly query his position esp if he's older, plus contrary to what you read on here masses of people have stacks of money and lovely homes and normal to protect assets

😂 I have already decided if you see my previous posts , what's your problem with asking a male
POV ? Feminist or single by any chance 😂

It's been four !!! Weeks fgs wow

No it's not a red flag it's just life, I was extremely fortunate to be born in to a family that could help me buy.
What is a red flag would be for him to try and move in with you and give up his own place. I say this as someone who sold my own house (13yrs ago) to buy with my partner at the time, despite putting a trust deed in place to protect my finances he still disputed it all when we split up and it costs thousands to resolve legally.
He was abusive though (he didn't get anything extra) and obviously not everyone is like this.

There’s flag would be if he fairly quickly asked questions about you owning your own home and made noises about living in. Other than that no it’s not in issue imo.

I remember matching with a man on Bumble in his 50’s who told me he’s been living at his brothers since his divorce. I asked his long that was and he replied 5 years then asked if i own my own place Now that’s a red flag of a potential cocklodger

Yes definitely this.

It's certainly not a red flag on it's own, lots of people rent. Even if he did own his own property, doesn't mean you shouldn't be senisble about protecting your own assets in a relationship.

We can't tell you the reasons why they don't own a property, so just ask. Make it part of a casual conversation, then decide how you feel once you know.

How are they so brazen 🤣🤣🤣

Better that than being on MN in 10 years' time complaining that she has to work until she's 70+ to pay off another mortgage because she lost half her house in the divorce.

You don't need to use being single as a threat, it's not that bad you know! Better than settling.

@Sunnydays1974 I beg your pardon!?!?! Someone who rents is a "red flag?"

Wow. Just wow.

I rent because A. I am disabled.... And B. Because I was unwell due to said disability, I was unable to finish GCSEs and then do A Levels etc. Really limited my job prospects before my disability really took hold, after my DC was born. I now cannot work and my life expectancy is severely limited.
If I was dating and he said to me that I was a "Red Flag" because I'm a renter, I honestly think I'd slap him across the face or pour a drink over his head. Or both!

And they seem to get away with it 🤣🤣

I know a bloke socially who in the decade I’ve known him is now living with his 3rd partner in their home (the women all older than him) and inbetween cocklodging he moved back in with his mum (he’s mid 50’s now)

The 3 women I’ve known him live with move in same social circles so are all aware of his history and yet he’s still shacked up within months - I don’t get it

Wow you're a real peach! Not the brightest peach either.

You do understand that some people don't have the upbringing or opportunities in life that you've had, don't you?! You understand that the financial market has changed dramatically since you bought your first house, don't you? You understand that some people are literally prevented from buying a home because of disabilities and health issues which limit their job prospects, don't you?

Honestly, this comment is the most ridiculous and most astonishingly stupid comment I've ever read on Mumsnet

Oh gosh my post about wondering if the poster was a lesbian was deleted. Not sure why. Lesbians tend to want to date someone in a similar situation financially, specifically homeowner or not. They date fast - 4 weeks and thinking long term is normal.

Plus, OP used "they" which is how gay people describe the other person to conceal the gender. I've been using "they" since the 1980s. It has nothing to do with the pronoun thing going on now.

Go to the lesbian dating sites, this homeowner issue is much more of a thing than it is for straight people. This question isn't particularly inflammatory to me "if" the OP is talking about a female same-sex dating situation.

Those are not the only two options.

Not a red flag per se but don't mingle finances whatsoever.

What are you asking then? Please explain.

Well said. It astounds me how ignorant/lacking in any awareness of people beyond themselves some posters can be.

Thats fine, as long as they do not expect a piece of Op home or equity in a split.

OP is right to at least protect herself. Being wary is very sensible.

Because solvent men in their age group are hard to meet. So obviously they are settling for this guy.

Instead of slating op, how about we discuss how she can live with him without the worry. Any stories of how you ringfenced and all was successful?

She's been seeing him for less than a month!

😢🫣😅. The mind boggles.
Thankfully they seemed to have successfully moved him on and kept their stuff.

The whole set up sounds risky for them and for him at this age 😳.

You’ve only been dating him for a month! If you were at a later and serious stage in the relationship then yes I think you should be cautious, as a homeowner. But not now - just go with the flow and enjoy yourself.

Why would I not want to be cautious and make sure that I'm not going to be taken for a ride or advantage of?

Being cautious is very sensible but judging someones solvency and fiscal responsibility purely on them being a homeowner, is at best snobbery and at worst stupidity.

I really don't think many/any homeowners on this thread have automatically judged others as people based on lack of home ownership - that seems to be status anxiety on the part of the renters.

We all know it is harder today to own a home than it used to be, and there are a range of reasons that someone might not, ranging from being early in career, recovering after a divorce or being stuck in low-paid work to being long-term incapacitated, not enjoying the benefit of family financial support, preferring to rent for lifestyle reasons or yes, financial irresponsibility.

The fact is that given the increased difficulty of achieving home ownership, those who have been able to do so are understandably reluctant to risk losing it, so it's really important to understand why their potential partner doesn't own. Personally I don't want to spend years with someone and be considering moving in together before I find out that the reason they don't own a home isn't that they couldn't, it's that they didn't make choices that prioritised it.

Someone said upthread that anyone who chooses not to date renters is "ruling out thousands of people". For those who are single, I think the real fear here is that not having an owned home may rule them out of contention for relationships with people who do.