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Original poster

Dating a non-homeowner

218 replies

Sunnydays1974 · 10/08/2024 22:44

I've been dating the most lovely person for around 4 weeks or so. They work for themself and seem to be doing well.

However they rent their current property as they cannot afford to buy.

Should this be a red flag in terms of financial security, especially if things develop between us? How can I judge their financial stability?

OP posts:
Box24L · 10/08/2024 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

What?

liverburd1 · 10/08/2024 23:36

Someone judging me on whether I rented or had a mortgage on my home would be a massive red flag to me

FlamingoFloss · 10/08/2024 23:37

Are you for real? Hopefully he sees red flags in you and dumps you. How utterly judgemental

Remagirl · 10/08/2024 23:38

Do they know that you're judgemental and superior 😂

Youthiswastedontheyoung · 10/08/2024 23:38

@Sweetteaplease Why not?

Sweetteaplease · 10/08/2024 23:40

Youthiswastedontheyoung · 10/08/2024 23:38

@Sweetteaplease Why not?

For anyone over 50 if you had a decent job it was relatively easy to buy a house so I would assume you didn't get your sh*t together (unless you had some terrible luck and/or lost all your money in a divorce or something)

JenniferBooth · 10/08/2024 23:40

liverburd1 · 10/08/2024 23:36

Someone judging me on whether I rented or had a mortgage on my home would be a massive red flag to me

THIS!

Timeisnevertimeatall · 10/08/2024 23:42

I'm 50 and rent. And I'd stake the house I do not own on the fact my rent is a fuckton more expensive than your mortgage. And no, weird fucking pp, it's not a question a lesbian would ask.

Sweetteaplease · 10/08/2024 23:42

Sunnydays1974 · 10/08/2024 23:31

Thanks for the most sensible post. Why would I not want to be cautious and make sure that I'm not going to be taken for a ride or advantage of?
I really don't get some of these responses...

Show quote history

It's definitely a fair consideration, I think people are being disingenuous on here

CheeseDreamsTonight · 10/08/2024 23:44

Some people don't want to buy, it's not that they can't.

Youthiswastedontheyoung · 10/08/2024 23:44

Not all of us do well out of divorce - even women. Some of us lose a lot. Hence the need to rent.

SamW98 · 10/08/2024 23:47

Youthiswastedontheyoung · 10/08/2024 23:44

Not all of us do well out of divorce - even women. Some of us lose a lot. Hence the need to rent.

Yep. I’ve got a 6 figure sum sitting in the bank so I’m not destitute but unless I move out of the area I’ve lived in for 20+ years to a rougher town, to get a mortgage for a flat would be about 75% of my salary.

oakleaffy · 10/08/2024 23:52

Simbaonedaythiswillallbeyours · 10/08/2024 22:53

My rent is more than a mortgage. If I could save a deposit or had rich parents to help, I would be a homeowner.

I don't imagine many people would find your snobbiness about renting attractive.

We moved out of SW London as sick and tired of renting and feathering landlord's nests, so we could buy.

Rents are often way more than mortgages.

Most house buyers rent first- unless they have a generous inheritance.

ElleintheWoods · 10/08/2024 23:55

I never really understand, why are the partner's assets so important to people?

Fair enough, they would be somewhat important if you choose to have children together, but otherwise, why are people so keen on creating a financial link with someone else, if they already have their own financial security?

Many couples that I know in their 30s with 2 decent incomes do not have a shared bank account or shared assets and wouldn't do it unless there's a pressing need. These people work in law/ finance.

I've never created a financial link with my partners in the past and do not intend to do so in the future, so I'm free to date anyone of any asset ownership status, and if they turn out to be gambling with their assets, I'm safe.

Love and finances don't have to be linked at all.

vodkaredbullgirl · 10/08/2024 23:55

🙄wow snob

Franjipanl8r · 10/08/2024 23:58

Age is very relevant here. Most of my friends got with their now husbands when they weren’t homeowners. They bought homes together.

struggless · 10/08/2024 23:58

I never really understand, why are the partner's assets so important to people?

I get it - people want to date people who mirror their own lifestyle

For me personally I could never date someone that lives with their parents (I’m in my 20s). I moved out at 18, worked hard at university and have a high paying job. I do rent, and it will still take me some time to buy a house alone, but I’d much rather have my current standard of living as opposed to living with my parents. I couldn’t imagine date nights at someone’s parent’s home, not being able to have exclusive use of my facilities 24/7 etc.

Some people go straight from living with their parents to being homeowners and think renting in between the two is “lowbrow” I suppose? Whereas I just wanted to live independently as soon as I could!

SwordToFlamethrower · 11/08/2024 00:05

You rotten snob!

Clafoutie · 11/08/2024 00:13

liverburd1 · 10/08/2024 23:36

Someone judging me on whether I rented or had a mortgage on my home would be a massive red flag to me

Exactly this. I had no idea that living in a rented property was such an unattractive thing. Bleak.

Mmhmmn · 11/08/2024 00:14

Oh my god. No. This is SO NOT a red flag.

WalkingaroundJardine · 11/08/2024 00:14

If you are looking to eventually get married (for example if religious or just have a preference) I would proceed with caution so that you can get a feel for whether there are deeper money management struggles or instability.

Older people from 50s onward had a better opportunity for home ownership. If he is of an age where that was doable and lives in an area where housing is affordable it’s worth thinking about why that did not occur in terms of whether you are both financially compatible.

Kittensat36 · 11/08/2024 00:14

liverburd1 · 10/08/2024 23:36

Someone judging me on whether I rented or had a mortgage on my home would be a massive red flag to me

This.

I do own my own flat, but when I was renting, my rent took over half of my bring home pay. Then I had bills. Buying was not possible until I inherited a lot of money.

One of my friends lives in a council property with his father (that is a bigger flag in most books), and is pretty much retired in his early 50s. Another friend is a carer for a relative and lives in, but I take advice from him because he is a very good with money.

I think this is the stage when there are plenty of other icks to be had. How do they treat you? How do they treat waiting staff? Animals? Are they road ragey? Do they denigrate exes?

You can keep an eye on finances, now, but don't rely on it as the barometer. Questions to ask yourself now include: do they always look at you to pay for things? Do they say they can't afford to do stuff with you, but always have the latest kit for his hobby? Do they have to have the latest, best stuff the minute it comes out, regardless of whether they have the money? What's their relationship with their credit card like?

Look at the smaller things now. If moving in comes up, have conversations with your partner and a solicitor.

TemuSpecialBuy · 11/08/2024 00:19

honestly TLC said it best - a scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from me.

That said, renters deserve love too!
My DH was renting when we met and it wasn’t an issue. Realistically I am why we live in a £1m+ home but he pays everything 50/50 with me

you have to look at things holistically…

My DH was renting but was financially independent and financially responsible, he earned a decent salary and had plans to increase it, he had saved a decent deposit, he had a good idea of his intended career path / progression planned and he was adamant about paying his own way and going 50/50.

I also had no concerns buying with him as his monthly rent( which he’d met comfortably for years) for a room was slightly more than his half of our current mortgage on a 5 bed house!
isnt London crazy!?!?

OneCoolPearlOP · 11/08/2024 00:22

OP you have provided zero relevant information - age, property prices in your area.... How are we supposed to judge?

Fandabbydaisy · 11/08/2024 00:54

I’m going to turn this round. If someone thought it was a red flag that I was renting I wouldn’t want to date them. My financial situation has nothing to do with someone I may have known for 4 weeks. They may be saving hard while working, studying, renting. Most people I know who are renting are paying a lot more in rent than mortgages.