Dating a non-homeowner

[Sunnydays1974]

I've been dating the most lovely person for around 4 weeks or so. They work for themself and seem to be doing well.

However they rent their current property as they cannot afford to buy.

Should this be a red flag in terms of financial security, especially if things develop between us? How can I judge their financial stability?

Why are so many renters getting offended? I’m currently renting and I don’t see this as offensive in the slightest. I personally prefer a man to be in a better financial / asset situation than me.

Of course it's not a red flag in general, and that is why you are getting so much flack. However, if it's a red line/dealbreaker for you - you only want to date people who own the property they live in - that's fine, just like if you only wanted to date those aged 50+ or nonsmokers or vegans or people who vote Reform. But figure it out and let him know ASAP if it's no go territory for you. And if you're meeting people via OLD, put it in your profile(s) so that you don't waste your own and others' time going forward.

Being a homeowner just means you are paying rent to a mortgage company??

We rented fur 15+ years raised kids in our homes, we got this snobby rubbish as well.

Well no, because at the end of it you have an asset

Let them know your views so they can dump you for judging them.

i rent, for various, many different reasons, but I don’t think it makes me any less worthy a person to be loved. I’d rather know my partner felt this way so I could find someone who shared similar values to me though.

The only problem I can see is if he seems ultra keen for the two of you to move in together. That might indicate he is after you for your money but otherwise just see if you are suited to each other.

I think it can certainly be a red flag if the person appears to have an income substantial enough to be able to afford to buy.

If that’s the case, in due course it would be in your interests to understand very clearly why they don’t own, what savings or investments they have instead, and whether they have a tendency to be a big spender on lifestyle rather than ensuring financial security.

For me, as someone in my 40s and a homeowner with savings and investments, I would want a clear picture of that within six months so I could decide whether or not I was comfortable going forward with the idea of sharing finances in the future. A reluctance to be open about money/weirdness around talking about money is a dealbreaker for me after being involved with someone who was financially abusive.

theres loads to consider here…whats their age? Just because they own their own business doesnt mean they do well? Do they rent a nice house own a nice car? Can u see they are doing well? U will be able to tell from
that…

Like a lot of women do they want to be taken care of, but not everyone wants to buy

Depends upon whether they've had access to lots of money (so has expensive furniture, a large rental property, designer clothes, shoes, bags, every gadget under the sun, tons of pricey makeup, artworks by known artists, etc) but doesn't seem to have a penny to their name at the same time as never being seen in the same outfit twice - especially if they dismiss everything expensive as 'a present from a friend/found it in a charity shop' or not.

If they do tick all those boxes, you're looking at somebody who will cost you a fortune, especially if they're warbling on about wanting a forever home.

This is right however if your building a life with someone and they have the money and cant progrrss or be good with it then its pointless. Invest money have assets start a family look after ur kids. Rentings dead money..i bet he leases his car too?

The fact that at a month you're concerned of financially being taken advantage off, I think they be better off without you. You have a mortgage, they don't. I fail to see how that makes them 'lesser' than you.

God, except for the fact he’s male, you could be describing my ex here. Lots of markers of wealth without the financial foundation of actual wealth.

The OP never said it made them lesser.

@CheekyHobson - that's the tone inferred- not just by me. That the lack of home ownership is something that should be 'red flagged' in a brand new relationship where I sure as hell wouldn't be sharing my financial history. Should/ could it be a consideration if moving it- sure. At this stage it's judgmental, given how many people choose/ have to rent depending on location.

I'm the same regarding the six figure sum - but who is going to give me a mortgage at 65? I've no family, and I quite like renting. I've just had my bathroom renovated at absolutely no cost to me - and the same thing in my last rented flat.

I think that's over-reactive. She's asking, as someone who does own a home, if it should be a concern, "especially if things develop".

Nowhere did she say or even imply she thinks less of them as a person for renting. It's a question about possible financial imbalance and prudence, which honestly although not romantic is practical, and should be a front-of-mind factor for all women entering new relationships and especially for those who are in mid-life or beyond. It is so easy for women to be financially exploited/taken advantage of in relationships.

Have you any idea just how many people ( Inc myself) in the UK rent ?
You are effectively disregarding 1000s and 1000s people from your dating pool before you even meet them

Did you read the OP? She didn't say it was an instant dealbreaker for her, she was asking about how/when she should exercise caution and what questions she should ask to get a better idea of whether it should be a red flag.

Having a significant imbalance of assets can create challenges/be a risk to an individual's long-term financial security in a relationship.

That's just a reality, it's not a judgement on anyone who doesn't own a home.

For what it's worth, I also see "owning their own business" as a - let's not say red flag as it seems to trigger a lot of people - marker for caution in a relationship.

Unless you are an accountant and/or want to regularly be across the accounts of someone's business, it is super-easy for someone dishonest to hide income/spending/debts/divert funds if they have their own business.

Women seem to put more importance on money/career/resources than men but yet women seem to think that us men are attracted to women the same way a woman is attracted to men (men and women look for different things)

That’s because women are typically more financially vulnerable than men, especially if they have kids @Engineer203

Judging by the OP's username she's 50. She owns her own home.

At 50+ a LTR and especially marriage should absolutely only be considered if it's going to maintain or improve your financial position.

Nobody wants to run the risk of divorcing and losing half their assets as they're preparing to retire.

I think the use of the red flag is not appropriate here at all. It might be your preference but not owning a home is not a red flag by any means. There could be several reasons why. Have you discussed this matter with him? You are coming across as quite judgemental. I am a well-earning woman, who rents. I used to date a lovely, slightly older man, who owned a boat, not a house, because he wanted to try something different after a stressful break up. To each his own but certainly not a red flag.