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Original poster

Dating a non-homeowner

218 replies

Sunnydays1974 · 10/08/2024 22:44

I've been dating the most lovely person for around 4 weeks or so. They work for themself and seem to be doing well.

However they rent their current property as they cannot afford to buy.

Should this be a red flag in terms of financial security, especially if things develop between us? How can I judge their financial stability?

OP posts:
mdinbc · 10/08/2024 22:59

Also, you don't say whether you are a home owner or not.

coldcallerbaiter · 10/08/2024 23:03

Just ringfence whats already yours if you buy together in the future.

Original poster
Sunnydays1974 · 10/08/2024 23:03

mdinbc · 10/08/2024 22:59

Also, you don't say whether you are a home owner or not.

I am a homeowner to confirm.

OP posts:
ApplesOrangesBananas · 10/08/2024 23:04

Jesus what a ridiculous post. My DH (late 30s) rented until 2 years ago because he saved all his working life (and moved countries a few times) to be able to buy a property cash only. This worked out cheaper than the interest he would have owed to the bank. Now we live mortgage free and own our house outright. Should I not have loved him until now?!

Maybe he is renting until he can afford what he wants..

Grapesichord · 10/08/2024 23:06

A poster the other day started a thread complaining that her sixty year old partner was going to leave his house to his children with a lifetime interest for her. She was living in his house rent free. There was the usual knee jerk reaction that a man should give everything he owns to his girlfriend of a year. if a man moves in with a woman he is a cocklodger, if a woman moves in with a man, according to MN he should immediately make over his house and money to her.
There are such double standards.
If any man doesn't meet your exacting standards, you don't need to date him, OP. If he is as lovely as you say, someone else will snap him up very quickly.

Changedmynameagain84 · 10/08/2024 23:08

Sunnydays1974 · 10/08/2024 22:44

I've been dating the most lovely person for around 4 weeks or so. They work for themself and seem to be doing well.

However they rent their current property as they cannot afford to buy.

Should this be a red flag in terms of financial security, especially if things develop between us? How can I judge their financial stability?

Do you rent or own?

HettieBettyBoo · 10/08/2024 23:08

So many people can’t get on the housing ladder as they’re paying ££££ in rent and can’t afford to save a deposit due to the high rent costs. Someone mentioned people aged 50+ renting, they could be in social housing and quite happy. Years ago it was so much easier to get social housing so why should they move if they have cheap rent and basically a house for life? It was so much easier to get a mortgage when I was 21, they did 100% mortgages back then, that’s how I was able to afford to buy and many others did the same. Houses increased in value so you sold and moved to somewhere bigger.

So many people will never be able to own their own home and it’s quite shit to judge them on not being a home owner as it’s really hard to get a deposit together as well as paying high rent.

MoosakaWithFries · 10/08/2024 23:10

Depends on age, previous circumstances etc.

Looking forward I'd want to make sure I could protect my assets.

Femme2804 · 10/08/2024 23:13

Its a no for me. I got 2 properties myself without help from mum and dad bank. I’m 35 years old and work my ass off to be able to buy house and a flat. I wouldn’t date someone who still a renter.

Youthiswastedontheyoung · 10/08/2024 23:14

I'm 43 and work ft. Privately renting and yes, I would say I'm a failure because I don't own my own home.

TheFormidableMrsC · 10/08/2024 23:17

My daughter earns an excellent salary but lives in London and can't afford to buy. Her rent is £2k a month, shared between her and her flatmate for a tiny apartment. You seem very judgemental. Homeownership is just a dream for many these days.

Downunderduchess · 10/08/2024 23:17

This has reminded me of something that was said to me over 25 years ago. A woman I used to work with asked me why I was often buying home/style magazines (House & Garden etc.), because I rented at the time. Like she couldn’t understand why I would like my HOME to look nice. Bizarre.

I now own my own home and still buy those type of magazines.

SamW98 · 10/08/2024 23:19

I’m renting at the moment because after my divorce my ex bought me out but to live where I do I’d need a ridiculous mortgage just to buy a small flat and being 55 don’t have long to pay so the repayments would be unaffordable.

As long as someone has a roof over their head and not in their parents box room at my age, I’m fine with that as I’ve got no intention of cohabitating again anyway.

Circumstances change - we deal with it in the best way we can.

ObliviousCoalmine · 10/08/2024 23:20

I've owned cheese longer than you've been in this relationship, I'd probably give it a bit longer before you ask for his bank statements...

TillyMSF · 10/08/2024 23:20

I'd look at his near future ability to buy a property like good financial sense, decent job, not overspending, not in debt, age (30s okay, 50s+ not okay). You don't say it, but I'd be cautious in case of marriage down the road and him wanting to take a share of what you own.

A female family member received an expensive property for a divorce settlement. She met a man and married him a year later. In one year, the new husband divorced her and took the value of half her property.

ScrollingLeaves · 10/08/2024 23:21

uhOhOP · 10/08/2024 22:46

Uh oh, OP. No, it should not be a red flag, as long as their rent is not £50 per week to their mummy.

£50 a week to their mother could be someone living at home in order to save up a deposit for a down payment. It is not uncommon given the difficulties of home ownership now.

struggless · 10/08/2024 23:22

To be honest I don’t really understand your post - you should have been more direct about your situation.

it’s not a red flag that someone single is renting in 2024. Home ownership is a lot easier in a multiple income household, it’s feasible for your first house purchase to be when you’re in a stable relationship.

I’m on £40k and it will take many years before I can buy, without parental support or partner support.

If your question was about protecting your assets, avoiding cocklodgers, or having a mismatched lifestyle, you should have just said to be more clear.

Orchidacea · 10/08/2024 23:22

I don't know if the renting in and of itself is the tell, but I agree with you, @Sunnydays1974 that it makes sense to get some idea of how someone is with money if you're considering a serious relationship.
Does he seem to be sensible about money in general? Is he in a field which is likely to be stable? Has he jumped around a lot in his career?

It can be a heartbreak to become attached to someone who is foolish about money.

As one of my friends likes to say, "Follow your heart, and take your head along with you."

TomatoSandwiches · 10/08/2024 23:23

I would say it depends on lots of other things tbh, if they were financially incontinent and made poor choices and rent due to that then it would be a red flag, there are of course plenty of responsibile and astute renters.

I would not consider this a red flag on its own no.

Itsmeamandaberry · 10/08/2024 23:24

Sunnydays1974 · 10/08/2024 22:44

I've been dating the most lovely person for around 4 weeks or so. They work for themself and seem to be doing well.

However they rent their current property as they cannot afford to buy.

Should this be a red flag in terms of financial security, especially if things develop between us? How can I judge their financial stability?

I would say you thinking that is a bigger red flag.

Grendell · 10/08/2024 23:30

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keepingsanity · 10/08/2024 23:30

I understand why you may think it's a consideration, essentially you may come into a relationship with £xx hundreds of thousands in equity whereas he will be coming in with nothing.

As per previous posters it depends on the situation and ages really as to if it would be a concern. And currently it's very early days.

In the event of a longer term relationship there are legal things you can do to protect your asset, however marriage may make doing that tricky

Original poster
Sunnydays1974 · 10/08/2024 23:31

Orchidacea · 10/08/2024 23:22

I don't know if the renting in and of itself is the tell, but I agree with you, @Sunnydays1974 that it makes sense to get some idea of how someone is with money if you're considering a serious relationship.
Does he seem to be sensible about money in general? Is he in a field which is likely to be stable? Has he jumped around a lot in his career?

It can be a heartbreak to become attached to someone who is foolish about money.

As one of my friends likes to say, "Follow your heart, and take your head along with you."

Thanks for the most sensible post. Why would I not want to be cautious and make sure that I'm not going to be taken for a ride or advantage of?
I really don't get some of these responses...

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 10/08/2024 23:32

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Why would you think that?

Sweetteaplease · 10/08/2024 23:34

I think it depends on their age and situation. I personally wouldn't date anyone under 50 who didn't own their own home.