Dating a non-homeowner

[Sunnydays1974]

I've been dating the most lovely person for around 4 weeks or so. They work for themself and seem to be doing well.

However they rent their current property as they cannot afford to buy.

Should this be a red flag in terms of financial security, especially if things develop between us? How can I judge their financial stability?

🤣🤣🤣

@ScrollingLeaves oh this kind of person attracts the worst of MN vitriol.

DD27 has multiple invisible disabilities. We share our home (costs split on an equal percentage of our incomes). Apparently, to add to all her other problems, that makes her a failure. As am I, according to a PP, as we rent.

I never realised before this thread that I, a DV survivor working a good job, paying high rent and taxes, helping people both professionally and voluntarily, an a failure.

Oh wait... I'm not. Just judgy people who think so.

@startstopengine

No it's not, that's what people say to make themselves feel better.

most people with mortgages will end up owning an assets, renters will not. Sorry you're struggling with that bit of reality.

@Sunnydays1974

you're being ridiculous. 4 weeks & you're being this intense? Get to know him, you'll soon find out what he's like with money.

i have a FWB, he rents, ONE of the reasons we'll never be properly together' is because we think very differently about money. But this would be the same if he owned his house.

The OP has worded her post badly IMO. However, nowhere does she say anything about renters being failures. So many of you are taking this too personally.

Also someone is perfectly entitled to be judgy regarding potential dates. If their criteria is ridiculous they'll just remain single, but that's their choice to make.

In certain areas of the country it's so much easier to buy. Anybody who has a certain level of income but claims they 'can't afford it' is lying. Either about their actual income or financial priorities.
Conversely in others rents are so high that saving for a deposit is impossible, it would be silly to question this.

Also , whether it's a red flag for 'financial security' depends on many factors. Pensions are designed to provide an income based off having paid off a mortgage, not renting. If you're close to retirement age this could be an issue. Whether you like it or not private renters also have little security if the LL chooses to sell in some.placws, as there's a shortage of rentals.

Yes, it is.

I could get a mortgage on my salary but I'm self employed with a relatively new business so am waiting to get some good books behind me til I buy again, and hopefully interest rates might drop slightly. I do own a property that xh lives in but rent mine, I'd not want people to see that as a red flag!

The one thing to consider is that they might be asked to move and then will have to rent further away

My BF has been renting a 2 bedroom house in a good part of London for 12 years but has been paying the same rent consistently

Now that the landlord wants to sell, he is struggling to find a place of the same size, with outdoor space, in a good neighbourhood. The difference in rental prices has been a huge shock and he has already increased the ceiling of what he is willing to pay (from 1.5K to 2K to 2.5K to now going 3K per month :o) but it is still difficult - specially since he is unwilling to compromise on size and wants unfurnished so there is less stock available.

If he moves too far it will affect our relationship
(Heck, it already has affected our relationship as the other day he saw a perfectly lovely house with a beautiful garden and built in wardrobes in a nice neighbourhood and on my side of London and a lot closerto me then where he is now and for less than 2.5K but he didn’t take it because it was open plan kitchen)

So these are the downfalls of dating someone who doesn’t have a settled home
I’m settled in my flat and only have to move if I choose to
But when you rent, it is never guaranteed

As for your future together, if you are already thinking ahead, I suggest have an honest conversation about money and financial compatibility

@ElleintheWoods I couldn't agree with you more.
However, some women are looking to "live off" a man unfortunately, even though it's 2024 and they have no reason not to be earning their own money. So I suppose for them, the wealthier the man and the bigger the house he owns the better.

Hey you really should judge anyone , I rent because me and ex spit we sold the house, I have money from the house, but quite happy to rent for now, until I decide what to do , I work ft no debts , nest egg , you really shouldn't judge a book by its cover that's just stupid and shows that your materialistic which is so sad , no one I know or have dated has any problem with that , owning a home or having a mortgage isn't the be all and end all it's really isn't. 🙄

What a snob , you need to know the circumstances and the person abit better first surely , no one is daft enough to let someone take them for a ride with money , but omg rent these days is probably more than a mortgage , what if they have a car they don't own is that the same 😂😂 some
People are ridiculously seriously

You're ridiculous for thinking renting is a red flag, but you'd be ridiculous not to protect your property if the relationship progresses to living together and he has cocklodger/mooching tendencies.

Of course not, there’s many reasons people don’t own.

Move on if his financial status is a worry to you. You've only been dating for a month. Barely time to get exclusive let alone thinking about moving in together.

Loads of people rent. Does he rent a whole flat? For me that indicates someone's doing fine.

Red flag would be single room in very overcrowded house share with no living room/ tiny bed in kitchen style room in HMO.
Even that I'd understand if the person was in their 20s and just starting out.

Someone could own their home and also be in hundreds of thousands worth of debt. Some people own their home but are so shocking with money they are broke 50% of the time. Or some people gamble, have addictions, expensive hobbies, ex wives and kids that need paying for...

So no, renting for me is not a stand alone red flag. In fact barely anyone I know owns their home in my friendship group. Unless it was inherited.

Yep. I’m renting at mo and invested my money from selling the house to my ex. I want to stay in the area and to buy even a flat here id need a hefty mortgage and I’m not sure that’s what I want at my stage of life.

I'm actually looking to possibly buy a flat in a cheaper area , rent that out and use the income to offset renting here.

There’s various reasons people are renting - it’s not to be judged without knowing their full story.

I think it is sensible to at least be aware of it, make sure your own home is always protected.

I’d say the bf is the one that needs to watch carefully for red flags if you’ve got an eye on finances after 4 weeks.

How true hey ! Just asked my fella he said she's the red flag 😂😂

OP, you'll be back on MN in 10 years' time complaining that all.the good men are taken.

Well she is! Being that grabby after 4 weeks? 🚩

Men have opinions too. Sometimes they’re good ones 🙄

Not a red flag assuming they are young or early mid life, not necessarily after - but it’s fair enough to ask them what their plans are.

Well no, being on the way to owning a home is part of your long term financial security. If someone didn’t own by 50 it would be reasonable to want to know what their security was - they might well have a perfectly good plan in place, but it’s a reasonable thing to want to know.