Blindsided by H

[Gingerloaf]

So my ‘DH’ has been grumpy for a few weeks but says it’s my fault.
Today - out of the blue he tells me he has been seeing someone for 2 months. I had no idea - I told him to leave which he has done
Packed his bags leisurely and left

We have been married for over 25 years. Kids grown up etc

I have seen advice on here before and never in a million years thought I would need it - but suddenly it’s me that has this news. I understand also why previous posters don’t give too many details because for some weird reason she may be on here ( daft thought but there you go) and yes I have name changed

Your advice on the matter is very welcome
I can’t remember but somewhere on here someone referred to a ‘script’ that people use when they leave or are getting ready to leave - I would be interested to see it if anyone has it
I think I have been arch manipulated by ‘DH’

Thanks for reading

Lol at getting horrible Karma cake (with a sprinkling of budgie seed), and he won't be getting any lovely Gingerloaf. 😂

We’re getting to the thread limit, so before it goes pop I’d just like to wish OP all the best for the future, in case she doesn’t come back. More power to your elbow, Gingerloaf!

Same from me @Gingerloaf , all the very best to you and keep shining because you're keeping us all warm 😎❤

You are all very kind - I really wish I could explain what happened on Monday - I didn’t expect it to happen but let’s say something in the universe let me do something mad and they could not believe their eyes
it was comical - she looked at him, he looked at her, they looked at me ….. I crooked my finger and H got in my car

This is not reconciliation- this was a very real demonstration that when wifey crooks her finger H comes running. OW has no idea he’s been coming to see me ( and kept at arms length) to ‘talk’.
Now don’t t think I have gone soft because I have not - some of my questions have been so near the knuckle. Sometimes you just have to ask a man ‘what were you thinking when you fucked her?’
This may not be the dignified OP you imagine but it was said with incredulity not anger. This is an H who still doesn’t get the depth of what he has done - and wants wifey to fix it.

As for OW,apparently very early on he realised he didn’t really know her - in fact @ShamedBySiri you are uncannily close to what is happening.
H realised he was a replacement for a dead man!!! @AlcoholicDad82 - I am so grateful for the love and kindness of friends and even their friends - there are good people out there
@Goldcushions2 - there is apparently an epidemic if men ( maybe women as well I don’t know) who fancy a taste of honey in their 60s and then don't seem to be able to understand why the DWs don’t forgive and forget

I hope you all have someone you love and trust but … don’t ignore the shitty behaviour, the subtle disrespect, don’t believe in midlife crisis ( this gets them off the hook), do think it could happen to you.

If it happens to you - stay calm in front of them ( it freaks them out), get counselling, check which of your friends are true, know that something you thought was impossible can in fact be possible, know that it’s more about them than about you, don’t turn to drink ( unless you are putting his favourite booze down the sink), stay healthy ( get those posh products out) and know that somewhere out there is a man ( or woman) who will give you the respect and love that you deserve

Thank you for your love, support, GIFs and general good humour - this is not the end, it’s the beginning of something very new xxx

You don't need to explain, we can all buy the book one day @Gingerloaf 😊

Oh well done @Gingerloaf

I hope you can sort your future with the minimum of unpleasantness from the other side and have the best new life beckoning around the corner.

Have a great Christmas in that hotel and start new traditions with your DC.

All the best. 💐🎈🩷

@Gingerloaf I’ve been following all your posts from afar and not commenting. I just wanted to let you know that other mnetters refer to you on other threads as a shining example! So you are pretty much a legend here 🩷 you are so right about not allowing the shitty behavior and subtle disrespect. I look forward me to continuing to hear your updates x

If not read the book then watch the tv adaptation starring either Sarah Lancashire, Olivia Colman or Lesley Manville!

Please not them, Surrana Jones perhaps.

How about Vicky McClure?

She can't say H properly.

Great update, what a woman you've been over the last few weeks. If I ever face what you're going through, I hope I follow your example. All the best, really hope you keep us updated.

I would keep that canny head on you and make sure you get your pound of flesh before any softening towards him.

In your place, knowing that his behaviour threatened your home, necessitating it to be sold perhaps?, I would be looking for a demonstration of good will....like the signing of the house over to you completely......so that his shit behaviour never puts your home in jeopardy again.

That nasty behaviour which called for police involvement IS who he is, never forget that or ever let yourself think it was a blip.

He may have come home, but that is not a good man.

You deserve so much better.
I wouldn't trust him as far as I'd throw him.
Wishing you well.

@Goldcushions2 - to clarify
He he is not at home - he had to go back to the love nest and face the music about an hour later. I don’t think it was a warm and understanding welcome back.

We have had ‘talks’ and she now knows what she suspected ages ago - whatever nonsense he spouted about our marriage, it wasn’t true then ( even if it is now) she is mightily humiliated and in some places the word is out - again karma does bite us on the backside.

Again you are spot on with your advice - in the last 7 weeks I met a man I have never known before - but I won’t forget his behaviour, his arrogance and his cruelty.
For now the tables have been turned and justice is being served - and I also do not believe a word he says. I watch the crocodile tears and weigh up his every move.

My inner peace is more important to me now than every before

I will not forget your kindly advice over these past few weeks x

I am in the throes of a massive girl crush @Gingerloaf .

😍

I know you're not planning another thread @Gingerloaf so please accept my best wishes with everything going forward.

I'm going to nominate this thread for Classics.
If anyone else agrees, report the opening post and just say Nominating for Classics.

@Gingerloaf

Sometimes the stars simply do align, don't they? I'm so glad that you're able enjoy a small sense of schadenfreude. It's well deserved.

I'm sure soon will come the "But she 'vamped' me, darling!! It wasn't MY fault, I'm innocent. Please, think of the family. You must take me back!!!". Imagine the schadenfreude you'll have when you look at him haughtily and say "Not on your tintype, Buster Brown!!". Or words to that effect.

Wishing you well for whatever twists and turns still lie ahead, @Gingerloaf
Thinking also of your family and friends.

As @REP22 says, 'like' is not the right word but some of us greatly appreciate your example of courage in the face of adversity. I think your thread has useful pointers for others (and I love how you write!) so if you did find yourself feeling at ease enough to return that would be good.

all the best lady

@Gingerloaf you are utterly amazing. I don't suppose you worked in women's welfare in one role or another because my God, you'd be fantastic.

Really hoping you carry on surfing this shit-wave with the determination, resourcefulness and sheer will to survive elegantly, the way you have now.

No right to ask this but it would be lovely if you choose to start another thread. Frankly you give me hope in the way you tackle a mountain of trouble.

Best thread ever, where husband thinks he has the upper hand and the exwife wipes the floor with him.

Please come back and let us know how you get on in your new life without the baggage x

Safe and happy journey onward! You'll have some great adventures without that plonker holding you back.

My god @Gingerloaf you are fucking amazing 🤩

Best wishes for a wonderful life without the idjit, @Gingerloaf

Been following - you've been amazing and should be rightly holding your head high and getting ready for the next chapter!! Good show, OP.