Blindsided by H

[Gingerloaf]

So my ‘DH’ has been grumpy for a few weeks but says it’s my fault.
Today - out of the blue he tells me he has been seeing someone for 2 months. I had no idea - I told him to leave which he has done
Packed his bags leisurely and left

We have been married for over 25 years. Kids grown up etc

I have seen advice on here before and never in a million years thought I would need it - but suddenly it’s me that has this news. I understand also why previous posters don’t give too many details because for some weird reason she may be on here ( daft thought but there you go) and yes I have name changed

Your advice on the matter is very welcome
I can’t remember but somewhere on here someone referred to a ‘script’ that people use when they leave or are getting ready to leave - I would be interested to see it if anyone has it
I think I have been arch manipulated by ‘DH’

Thanks for reading

Keep going… be prepared for anger when it gets nasty and sadness when you feel the loss.

Millions of people have weathered this particular storm and come out for the better on the other side

How can it be a midlife Crisis? He must be 60-ish!

He's behaved like an absolute arsehole and broken your wedding vows.

I think the whole "midlife crisis" label is rolled out to make it sound like something that happened to these men, rather than something he actively chose to do (fuck someone else and blow up his life).

You sound like you're really strong, please keep it up and let the OW have to live with his snoring 😂

I doubt that an OW really wants him to move in after a 2 month relationship. So he's been spinning her some big lies about his finances, or he's actually been with her longer than two months, or he hasn't consulted her and she'll be mighty pissed off at the prospect of washing his socks for evermore. I'm hoping for the last alternative, because true karma would be him being chucked out and having nowhere to go, but I have a nasty feeling it's the second of those scenarios.

I don't know you OP but I'm proud of you nonetheless as you deal with this with strength and determination. Hopefully the collective support from this forum will see you through.

Do allow yourself some smugness as you think of all his bad habits that will very soon begin pissing off the OW. No more excitement of clandestine meetings for them, just the horrid reality of snoring/belching/farting/laziness (delete or add to as appropriate).

@Gettingbysomehow well done you! That must of been somewhat therapeutic for you I hope!

Woohoo here's to you 🍸. The first day of your new life.
💐 🌹

Good god aren’t men horrific creatures?

25 years and he’s decided he’s off .

just goes to show that you absolutely never know someone.

I wish you all the best with your future.

and two pieces of wisdom

everything will be okay in the end, and if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.

The only people who actually want a husband, are the ones that have never had one!

Can I just say you are possibly the most awesome crowd I have ever ‘met’

I have just spent a happy hour chucking things into bin bags - I thought it was a cliche to do that
as I was going I could hear the Only fools and horses theme tune … ‘ David Bowie LPs….’

I don’t wish to say too much as I finally understand the paranoid feeling OW is on here ( have no reason to believe that)

The advice re he is not my friend is absolutely spot on - but a welcome reminder not to fall for the bullshit

And so far he is sticking to the script re telling the kids I was a nag etc

Its like living in a parallel universe and watching it unfold

To all of you - you are fantastic and very much appreciated.

You had the best years of him - let his floozie look after him when he's old (she won't!)

Sit back and watch the utter wanker self-destruct (he will!)

Ginger - you are amazing and he is an utter knob who will definitely regret this!

I suspect you may find life better without him and I really bloody hope you do!!

I like this. You might find the thought funny one day too. For now, I'm so sorry. I hope you don't believe anything he vile he says of you. If it were true why would he stay so long?

Have you been onto online banking and moved any money into accounts only in your name , you can always share it out later but don’t give him the opportunity to get there first .

Well, I think you are secretly happy about this development 😂😃.
Why do you care if ow is on here anyway? Why should you?

Get the money moved whilst you can.
He may already have planned it.
Also you’re riding the adrenaline right now and the emotional crash may come.

OP you sound like a woman I’d like as a best friend.
Your strength is admirable. He will regret his stupidity.

GingerLoaf, You are awesome, enjoy the peace🍷

Agreed. Solicitors vary so much. Find recommendations.

I agree!

What a callous thing to do after 40 years together. I'm so sorry you're in this position but I have a feeling your life will be so much better without him. Horrible little weasel of a man.

Read up on the statistics for divorced men VS divorced women 😉. In addition, you are one strong lady.

You are inspirational op

At least he left willingly, some of these fuckers won't go - the trash took itself out.

Make sure you get what is due to you financially.

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP, but I'm thrilled for you at the thought of a future of blissfully peaceful nights undisturbed by his awful snoring!

It's likely been much longer than two months.

He's probably only told you the tip of the iceberg, a plausible scenario.

Get a solicitor. Put one foot in front of the other while you catch up emotionally and cognitively with what has happened.

Let your solicitor take the lead - don't be hesitant or timid here. After a long marriage you need to look after yourself financially.

Talk to your adult children.

Get a therapist to hold your hand through this. Call your friends and any family you're close to.

Ask around, and go for the absolute best, most aggressive sol you can find. The expense will be well worth it.

40 years, bloody hell I really feel for you!
I bet my holiday money he'll come crawling back but once the trust is gone it's gone! At least you'll have the satisfaction of turning HIS world upside down by saying no!!
Stay strong!