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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He calls on every break!

179 replies

rantaroo · 07/08/2024 16:03

Just looking for a little rant and other people's perspective

My partner gets three breaks a day at work and on every break he calls me. Don't get me wrong, it's endearing that he wants to speak to me on his breaks but we live together so I would much rather he has his day, I have mine and then we debrief over dinner or something!

So today he's got me on the phone as he's buying his lunch and I've stopped what I'm doing for what I felt was quite a "pointless" phone call. He then calls me when he's on his way home. I don't mind knowing he's on his way back but he finishes the same time every day so I'm like just speak to me when you get here!

I guess I'm finding it a bit frustrating that I'm stopping my day 4 times for these calls that I don't deem necessary, and then it takes me a moment to get back into the swing of whatever it was I was doing.

Am I totally over reacting or would this bug you too?!

OP posts:
solice84 · 07/08/2024 16:08

This would really annoy me but then I don't like phone calls in general

PerfectTravelTote · 07/08/2024 16:09

You don't have to answer every call.

Alwaysdarkestjustbeforedawn · 07/08/2024 16:10

My boyfriend also does this, every lunchtime like clockwork and every afternoon when he leaves work.
He says it’s because he wants me to know he’s set off so if he doesn’t arrive then I know somethings wrong and can arrange help?!

TheFlis · 07/08/2024 16:10

@Alwaysdarkestjustbeforedawn Does he not know how to send a quick text?

monicagellerbing · 07/08/2024 16:10

Just let it ring off and send a text saying you're busy.

Alwaysdarkestjustbeforedawn · 07/08/2024 16:14

TheFlis · 07/08/2024 16:10

@Alwaysdarkestjustbeforedawn Does he not know how to send a quick text?

Apparently he doesn’t have time as wants to leave for home 😂 however will wait parked in the car until I answer as he won’t answer the phone while driving (despite handsfree)
He will also phone repeatedly if I don’t answer.
Slightly irritating.

Original poster
rantaroo · 07/08/2024 16:16

solice84 · 07/08/2024 16:08

This would really annoy me but then I don't like phone calls in general

Yeah probably doesn't help that I'm not a big fan of phone calls either

OP posts:
Newmum2610 · 07/08/2024 16:18

AirPods are a lifesaver! My husband drives a lot for work and calls me a lot, I use AirPods to talk to him but still get on with my day. If I'm playing with the baby I put the phone on speaker and carry on while talking to him

Original poster
rantaroo · 07/08/2024 16:18

PerfectTravelTote · 07/08/2024 16:09

You don't have to answer every call.

I purposely ignored one call , felt guilty but he rang again anyway ..

OP posts:
BloodyAdultDC · 07/08/2024 16:21

Nah. My ex used to do this, and it developed into him checking up on me 4 times a day, not being happy if I was somewhere id not told him, even popping round to a neighbour's house caused huge rows.

If it's too much for you tell him. Tell him you don't need to hear that he's in Tesco buying a meal deal every day.

confusedlots · 07/08/2024 16:24

Oh I would hate this, what on earth do you talk about?

invisiblecat · 07/08/2024 16:24

Oh this would irritate me no end.

Opentooffers · 07/08/2024 16:26

2 ways to go about this. One is to put your phone on silent when you're busy doing something and ignore it while you get on. The other is to invest in earbuds so you're hands are free and you can carry on with your day regardless of chatting - multitasking 😉

Crunchymum · 07/08/2024 16:29

Do you work? Do you have young kids? Surely you can just be busy with "something" when he calls?

Toastcrumbsinsofa · 07/08/2024 16:32

How long have you been together? Do his calls interrupt you at work? Sorry to say this but he sounds very controlling and I’d hate being phoned during the day.

invisiblecat · 07/08/2024 16:35

Toastcrumbsinsofa · 07/08/2024 16:32

How long have you been together? Do his calls interrupt you at work? Sorry to say this but he sounds very controlling and I’d hate being phoned during the day.

I'm inclined to wonder whether they are 'checking to find out where you are and what you are up to' calls as well.

JanglyBeads · 07/08/2024 16:38

What would happen if you didn't answer OP?

Noseybookworm · 07/08/2024 16:40

This would drive me batty! I don't need to speak to DH during the day generally and if I need to ask him to pick something up or give him a message, I'd just text. We're together in the morning and the evening - we can go a few hours in the day without speaking! Have you asked him why he feels the need to call you so much??

BIWI · 07/08/2024 16:41

Just don't answer. If he calls back again, don't answer that either.

What do you think will happen if you do that @rantaroo

JumalanTerve · 07/08/2024 16:42

Can't you just discuss this with him? Seems the most obvious solution

ItsChangingAgain · 07/08/2024 16:44

You need to nip this in the bud, he is completely dominating your day. Maybe intentional, maybe he's just relying on you for company. But it doesn't matter, he needs to stop.
I would probably just stop answering but it may need a frank conversation. The way he reacts will be telling

ChildlessCatLadiesRuleOK · 07/08/2024 16:48

I can't imagine being sexually attracted to someone so needy.

hattie43 · 07/08/2024 16:51

I find this quite controlling . Who needs to speak to someone for the sake of it that many times . It's like he's checking up on you . Personally wouldn't want it at all .

Original poster
rantaroo · 07/08/2024 16:51

ItsChangingAgain · 07/08/2024 16:44

You need to nip this in the bud, he is completely dominating your day. Maybe intentional, maybe he's just relying on you for company. But it doesn't matter, he needs to stop.
I would probably just stop answering but it may need a frank conversation. The way he reacts will be telling

I'm getting the vibe he is doing it for company. He's the type of person who I haven't known to have time to himself - always got to be around someone, whether it's me or his friends

OP posts:
SamW98 · 07/08/2024 16:54

He would very quickly be an ex with me. I like checking in but that would feel like I was being harassed and checked up on.

I dated a guy who was a cabbie and he used to call me every time he was sitting on the rank then get the hump if I was busy . It wasn’t a long relationship