He calls on every break!

[rantaroo]

Just looking for a little rant and other people's perspective

My partner gets three breaks a day at work and on every break he calls me. Don't get me wrong, it's endearing that he wants to speak to me on his breaks but we live together so I would much rather he has his day, I have mine and then we debrief over dinner or something!

So today he's got me on the phone as he's buying his lunch and I've stopped what I'm doing for what I felt was quite a "pointless" phone call. He then calls me when he's on his way home. I don't mind knowing he's on his way back but he finishes the same time every day so I'm like just speak to me when you get here!

I guess I'm finding it a bit frustrating that I'm stopping my day 4 times for these calls that I don't deem necessary, and then it takes me a moment to get back into the swing of whatever it was I was doing.

Am I totally over reacting or would this bug you too?!

Start by answering only HALF his calls. Do not mention the calls you did not answer. If he asks you why you didn't answer his earlier call just say breezily that you were on the toilet or in the shower or had loud music on or were answering the front door etc etc

Start getting him used to you not being available 24/7

I geniunely could not live like this.

I think maybe jts a compatibility thing. Some hugely needy codependent people love it probably...

When did this start?

That would annoy me too! Tbh my husband does it on some days and I know it’s when he’s bored at work so sometimes I just don’t answer because it takes up my time like I’d listen to whatever pointless story he tells me when I could have been eating my lunch.. my time is so limited already as I have a baby to look after so I can’t have him consuming the small window I have to cram something in my mouth!!

I must be the only one who thinks it’s sweet! It shows he’s thinking of you and wants to speak to you.

Maybe ask him to ring you just once a day instead.

Ahahahahaha me, is that you?

Mine is self employed and does it when he's bored, at least 3 times a day, sometimes more. I've stopped answering everytime and told him why, and if it's an emergency to text after a call I don't answer. Turns out he's not that bothered if I don't answer cos it's just through boredom and he just laughs when I tell him I couldn't be bothered to talk. No taking offence and no moods.
In fairness he works away a lot but still, there's limits to how much energy I have to talk. Just tell him you won't answer everytime and see how he reacts.

This would drive me batshit. DH used to call me 2 or 3 times a day at work when he was off work (on 4 on 4 off shift patterns at the time.) He called me on the landline at work then - as we didn't have mobiles. (1990s.) My boss used to be like when he rang - and even though I told DH to stop as I was going to get into trouble, he didn't stop. He called every day at around 2pm and asked 'what's for tea?' EVERY DAY. And he called at 10-11am 'just for a chat' because he was 'bored.' Some days he would call around 4pm too and say 'whatcha doin?!'

I had to stop answering the phones for a while. (7 of us worked in the office, and me and 3 others used to answer the phone most of the time.) The boss put me off phone duty for a couple of months to try and curb DH's constant calls. Then the others would just say I was on a call if DH phoned.

He was a pissing nuisance tbh. Doesn't do it any longer... Thank God. But he does call me sometimes when I am out with our DC or a friend. Again, just for a 'chat.' I think 'FFS, we LIVE together, you can talk to me anytime. Piss off!' I don't know why he's like this, but a while ago, I started to put my phone on DND and ignore him when I was out. He gets bored and lonely easily!

My XP does this with each of his parents, and his sibling, sometimes twice a day. Literally he's telling them what he's eaten for lunch because there is nothing to talk about when you speak that often. Yet when they're together they don't have meaningful deep conversations either, just this surface level stuff. I find it sad.

My partner luckily doesn’t call me on his break, only calls me from work if it’s something regarding our son who is autistic. He does however call me on his way home, which I don’t get when we live together, it’s okay if it was just a quick I’m on my way home but he jumps into a whole telling of his day.
currently he is at his dads who has been unwell and in hospital, I’ve been holding down the fort for 3 weeks alone, whilst working and dealing with my own medical issues. I do feel sorry for him, it’s deadly boring at his dads, he’s been there alone a week whilst his dad was in hospital, and he’s used to chaos and noise. Today I almost lost it with him, he knows I have set jobs I do on a Sunday aswell as other stuff I need to catch up on and has called about 20 times, gets aggy because I’ve said I can’t talk long. Yesterday my cousin from abroad visited and he called a bunch of times whilst I was trying to catch up with her. He’s just decided when he’s home hopefully on Friday he wants to take dd out for the day the following as he’s spent no time with her since end of school having left the day after she finished. I said great idea etc, now he’s messaging me about it, calling because i didn’t answer text after I’d been on phone with him for 30 minutes. He knows full well I hate talking for that long but honestly don’t have time to speak to him 20 times a day right now.

Yes that's how I would feel. Like some kind of mental torture.

I’d just be honest.

“Honestly Dave we spoke 2 hours ago, not much has happened! Speak when you’re home. Enjoy the rest of your day!”

Then I’d make sure I spent time that evening sat down and give him 100% attention for say 1/2 hour. No telly, maybe just music playing or quiet and really actively listen to his day and share mine. Much better communication IMO.

Sounds like a Needy Nigel. Uh massive ick vibes. I would want someone more balanced, no way I would update any boyfriend on every single aspect of my day unless something really interesting had happened

you'll have to be a bit tougher, send a text saying cant spk bc xzz

Could he text you instead? And you reply if you really do have something to say? Maybe just one phone call when he's on his way home.

I'd be annoyed and would msg "sorry, in the middle of smth. Better text". I always took excessive calls and texts as controlling behaviour but I have friends who think that's a norm and shows "he cares". For each their own.

People who put up with daily relationship irritations because they can't be assertive and deal with them are just as bad OP!

Just don't answer if you don't want to talk to him at that point. Easy.

Ewwww.

I would dump him for this.

I haven't read every single page of this thread but one thing you could mention is that walking around while being on your phone constantly probably isn't a good idea - I always end up dropping something, walking into people and I get a crick in my neck as well! Better to be in the moment and aware of your surroundings.

He sounds really boring. Ask him to stop.

He sounds dependant. Does he have friends or much else going on in his life? This could also be controlling to me, his way of keeping tabs on you under the guise of wanting to chat. If you said you were out where he wasn’t expecting you to be, I bet he would want to know every single minute detail. It’s suffocating and I’d end it personally if it continued after a discussion. If he gets defensive or angry, you know what to do!

Exh used to do this , it drove me mad , he would phone several times a day for no reason. I asked him to stop calling (unless urgent) between certain hours as my baby was napping and I needed to sleep/clean during those times. The fact that he made an issue of this was one of the things that lead me to leave him. It was a pattern of controlling behaviour.

Hopefully your husband will be reasonable when you ask him to stop op.

Tell him it's too much and that you'd rather speak at home then just don't answer,,and text to say you're in the middle of something. Personally I don't think it's endearing, it seems either insecure on controlling to me

Sounds needy or controlling, neither are a great look.

when he calls, I wouldn’t pick up but just text back, busy, will call you later, my phone has different pre written texts for just this kind of thing, yours might too.

My ex did this and it's one of the reasons I ended the relationship. It was too much and he was needy in general. Always wanted more affection and attention than I was able to give, we just didn't make each other happy which then turned into frustration.

I have this. I have a busy job and little time for myself. He'll ring me 3+ times a day and start telling me completely inane things about what he's getting out of the fridge etc. I don't care about that crap and wish he'd just ring if he actually wants to ask me something!

I've had to tell him he can call me once in the morning and once in the evening. If I'm just about to put my dinner on etc, I tell him it's not a convenient time. Maybe you need to set similar limitations to make the situation tolerable for you.

This seems very controlling and weird. Is he insecure? I don’t think many people would put up with this level of incessant and pointless contact. You live together, as you suggested - catch up at the end of the day! What could there possibly be to report between breaks at work? It’s like he’s checking up on you. You need a proper talk about this with him and that it is not on.