He calls on every break!

[rantaroo]

Just looking for a little rant and other people's perspective

My partner gets three breaks a day at work and on every break he calls me. Don't get me wrong, it's endearing that he wants to speak to me on his breaks but we live together so I would much rather he has his day, I have mine and then we debrief over dinner or something!

So today he's got me on the phone as he's buying his lunch and I've stopped what I'm doing for what I felt was quite a "pointless" phone call. He then calls me when he's on his way home. I don't mind knowing he's on his way back but he finishes the same time every day so I'm like just speak to me when you get here!

I guess I'm finding it a bit frustrating that I'm stopping my day 4 times for these calls that I don't deem necessary, and then it takes me a moment to get back into the swing of whatever it was I was doing.

Am I totally over reacting or would this bug you too?!

Oh blimey no, I wouldn't like this, but I'm probably too far the other way regarding phone calls.

I get irritated when DH rings me for a genuine reason. Usually because he starts the call with:

"Hi, are you ok?"

ummm yes, you've just left the house, I'm still fine.

This isn’t healthy. Couples who love, trust and respect each other don’t have to do this. The fact you felt guilty about ignoring one call (so you answered when he soon called again) signals that you’re not confident at asserting boundaries.

This is not normal and seems a bit controlling to me.

What would happen if you ignored the first call and sent him a text “I’ve got a busy day, we’ll catch up properly when you’re home x” and then ignored any more calls during the day?

That would really get on my nerves. When DH and I were going out in the early days we'd maybe speak on the phone twice a week.
Once we were married, we'd catch up by phone at work if one of us was going to be early/late/going shopping, etc.
Now, 30 years on, we have that same arrangement.
If one of us is away overnight we might text a quick message to say "I've arrived, going to dinner". If the trip is extensive then we'll chat once or twice.
Smacks of insecurity to me to need to speaking to your SO all through the day when you're seeing them in the evening.

Sounds controlling to me and thus abusive. He needs to become an ex.

Or if you asked him not to call you during the day unless there is a genuine emergency?

Can you not just tell him that while you think it's lovely he wants to speak to you during the day, it has been distracting you from tasks so you'd rather he just sent a quick text when he was on his way home and you can both catch up on each others days in the evening?

It is slightly concerning that you can;t be honest about it, it's a perfectly reasonable request!

Needy. And a bit controlling, because you feel obliged to answer and have a conversation when you don't want to.

How long have you been together? This behaviour might be 'endearing' in the early days of a new relationship, but it won't age well.

Very annoying. We don’t call or message in the day unless important. Yesterday DH texted to remind me he was playing. Sport straight from work. Other than that I’m not interested, we talk over dinner and the evening dog walk

Have you told him you don't need a phone call 4 times a day when you will both be at home when work is finished?

It seems too much and unless there's something to urgent to speak about I don't really see the point.

Blimey, who raises all these needy men? How off putting 🙄

I have days when I actively want to talk to people. People who include a phone number in their email footer get a call and then an email to confirm the conversation.
I used to hate using phone though. Don't know what changed.

He'll probably be okay but then would imagine it would go back to how it is the next day.

Oh good grief OP...just tell him to stop!! Literally say, "Look John, please can we reign in the daily phone calls, as they are stopping my workflow and I genuinely don't have time to just chat about nothing much!"

I'd be far blunter than that to be fair, but you may actually like this person 🤷‍♀️

Personally, I'd get the ick so fast from this, I'd be packing his bags and leaving them on the drive!

Huge turn off 😵‍💫

Turn your phone off and get on with your work and your day.

Check your messages at a time convenient to you.

Send a single text message acknowledging all of it.

Tell him repeatedly 'best to text while I'm working as I don't pick up calls during meeting/presentations' or what you're likely to be doing

When asked why you didn't answer - you were working.

Hopefully he will learn you don't just drop everything when he rings the bell.

Needy is the word for it 🥴

Dump the klingon

Sounds like someone who can't bear to think of you focusing your attention on anyone or anything other than him, even when he's not present.

I'd be annoyed.

Is it general chit chat or is he asking what you're doing? where you are?
It's low level controlling, that you've to be available for him, tell him straight to stop it.

Been married 35 years
We don't always even get in touch for days on end when one of us is away

Sounds very needy and/or stalkerish

Does he track your location?

Similar situation here, except lorry driver with hands free phone… he even appears randomly at my work!

I get multiple calls a day, and I’m really not that interesting😁 I struggle to make conversation at times, especially if it’s only minutes a short time since we last spoke. I have a nap during the afternoon as I get up silly-early for work, and he really doesn’t like no being able to speak to the extent he used to “forget” I was sleeping. I made such a fuss, that it soon stopped.

We chat all the time we’re together and get on really well… but I wish this constant need to chat would cool down a bit.

I think it is down to it being a bit of a lonely job🤷‍♀️

Yea it's a bit of both , "how are you.. what are you up to" and then a lot of nothingness cos not much has happened in two hours !

Well you need a serious chat.

Youre at work. You can’t be spending so much time answering personal phone calls. Well not without the risk of being told off. It’s also distracting etc…

So have a chat and tell him you’d like him to stop calling so often.
Explain you dont like it, (potential) issues with work etc…
You dint have to accept something that annoys you just because that’s works for him. There is a need for give and take
eg once a day at lunch time. Whatever time works best for you.