He calls on every break!

[rantaroo]

Just looking for a little rant and other people's perspective

My partner gets three breaks a day at work and on every break he calls me. Don't get me wrong, it's endearing that he wants to speak to me on his breaks but we live together so I would much rather he has his day, I have mine and then we debrief over dinner or something!

So today he's got me on the phone as he's buying his lunch and I've stopped what I'm doing for what I felt was quite a "pointless" phone call. He then calls me when he's on his way home. I don't mind knowing he's on his way back but he finishes the same time every day so I'm like just speak to me when you get here!

I guess I'm finding it a bit frustrating that I'm stopping my day 4 times for these calls that I don't deem necessary, and then it takes me a moment to get back into the swing of whatever it was I was doing.

Am I totally over reacting or would this bug you too?!

God no. But then we've been together for eons and can wait til we get home 😁

I used to do this because I was miserable at work, I felt almost like I was hanging out with DP, rather than stuck spending my day on something that made me genuinely depressed. That said, I’d find it really hard work too if I was on the receiving end.
I don’t think you need to stop what you’re doing, use AirPods and move around freely. Maybe compromise to 2 breaks and no hometime call or something, and ask him if he’s happy at work or if there’s anything you can do to change his situation there so he ‘needs’ to speak to you less.

People who can't cope with being on their own now and then tend not to make the best companions.

A sibling had a partner like this. They once came to pick me up early because we were going to a relatives some distance away. The partner was calling by 8:30 to find out 'what you're up to', having only left 2 hours before.
Well - mostly picking up my sister and driving as you know... They called several more times. How much trouble did they think we could get up to at an elderly relatives house?!

It would drive me insane and I just wouldn't be able to put up with it.

Yes this is true, I wouldn't want to stop it completely if that is something he genuinely looks forward to in his day.

Perhaps I need to negotiate just a lunch time call so it doesn't feel so constant

I would start answering less.

Perhaps if you feel guilty, instead of answering all 3 times, answer just twice and then get it down to once.

My friend used to do this.
She needed to always be around people and would ring me if she was driving or waiting at a bus stop alone.
She would also ring me on her breaks too.

I stopped answering in the end too because it annoyed me.

No chance of early onset dementia?
My relative kept checking in on everyone and with hindsight it was the start of dementia.

Just silence your phone. Or tell him to go away.

Hmm yea I struggle with this because I'm the complete opposite. Quite happily have days to myself, it actually recharges me. But we don't seem to be the same in that retrospect

Your partner calls you multiple times a day, even when he knows it’s not convenient for you, and turns up randomly at your workplace??? Major red flag there tbh.

I reading this wondering did I write this ??🤣
Yes, it's very annoying particularly when he has nothing particular to say. Is it endearing or is it also checking up on what we are doing ?
A text hello would be nice a couple of times a day rather than the constant phone calls

It’s so annoying. My boyfriend used to do this. I told him to stop.

He listened, and is still here 20 years later 😂

I'd hate it. tbh I'd feel like I was being bloody monitored!

I bit my dh's head off once for phoning me too much - he got a bit stroppy but it sorted the problem out!

Some people are just like that, their usually also the same people who need to always be around others. I'm like you I need my space. I don't think he's doing anything wrong I just think your both different. I don't have a solution but their must be a middle ground.maybe get him hooked on an online game or something so he does that in his breaks instead of calling you.

I would absolutely hate that and just leave my phone in a different room if possible. What on earth is there to phone about so often?

I have a friend that does this with voice notes. Just narrates her day. I let her get on with it, she talks to herself and I don't engage.

Outside of our messaging which is more of a back and forth conversation I don't entertain it, and definitely wouldn't from a partner.

I think you need to tell him that he likes a lot of company, but you are different and like quiet time. That you really look forward to seeing him at the end of each day for a good catch-up but you like quiet time until then

To be honest I know some people who genuinely would like this from their partner. Some couples are really emeshed

but if it’s not working for you, that’s fine, I think you’ve had some good advice and your plan sounds good.

Tell him you don't like it.

I wouldn't like it. It's creepy and controlling. I hate it when people ring back when you don't answer too.

Just tell him to stop calling.

Yes - this.

Him being needy doesn't trump your need for peace, op...

Controlling.

And the 'home time' call is effectively telling you to be ready to receive his presence!

Ick!

Norwich?

I'd have thrown my phone away the second day he started this up.... or him.

Does he not enjoy his own company?
Teach him to meditate or reccomend a podcast he may like.