He calls on every break!

[rantaroo]

Just looking for a little rant and other people's perspective

My partner gets three breaks a day at work and on every break he calls me. Don't get me wrong, it's endearing that he wants to speak to me on his breaks but we live together so I would much rather he has his day, I have mine and then we debrief over dinner or something!

So today he's got me on the phone as he's buying his lunch and I've stopped what I'm doing for what I felt was quite a "pointless" phone call. He then calls me when he's on his way home. I don't mind knowing he's on his way back but he finishes the same time every day so I'm like just speak to me when you get here!

I guess I'm finding it a bit frustrating that I'm stopping my day 4 times for these calls that I don't deem necessary, and then it takes me a moment to get back into the swing of whatever it was I was doing.

Am I totally over reacting or would this bug you too?!

Agree you don’t have to be the same, but it seems like you’re the only one comprising here. He is not compromising at all. Where’s the balance?

Not saying it’s wrong but it wouldn’t be for me I couldn’t cope with it

I personally think calling it controlling is projecting by those who have been in controlling relationships.

As others have said, he may be miserable or bored at work (I'd expect you to know!) and want to hear a friendly familiar voice. He might want some human interaction on his lunch if the office is empty and/or colleagues don't include him - he might enjoy looking "busy" if he's on the phone to you. As a couple, why can't you just discuss it in a kind way? Not a "I hate these calls, why do you do it?" But a - how are things at work because I've noticed you reaching out more during the day. Are your colleagues not including you or don't you like them? If he talks so much, he should be able to respond.

I agree being interrupted is frustrating, but as others say, if you're not focusing/working on something you'd have to put down just pop headphones in and continue as you were - that's what I do! My fiancé drives once a week 2 hours a way for work and can call me for 20 mins at a time then says he'll listen to a podcast for a while then call me back - I don't mind! I don't think it's objectively a red flag, but subjectively you're allowed to not like it!

I had a neighbour whose husband used to do this and he would go nuts if she didn't answer.

I'm sorry, I'm one of those people that does this and loves this so I'll give it from my perspective to see if that helps you!
I miss my husband, he genuinely is my other half and he travels often for work/sometimes works late if he's getting stuff done. His job requires him to be in the right frame of mind to be productive so we call each other a lot when we have breaks here and there. I also hear him buy lunch, he calls me to ponder whether its worth making it home for bathtime, etc. I love it!
I'm home either with a 17 month old or alone (he does half days at nursery) and 3 out of 5 days he is alone in a single desk office he rents (to get him out of the house) so we just chat. Does your partner work in a job where he doesn't get much contact with others? Does he miss you because you spent all of lockdown shacked up together?

Take it as a good sign.

Hi OP, why not get some earbuds? That way you can answer his calls and carry on doing whatever you're doing? That's what I do

At what point would you call Mountain Rescue?
30 minutes late?
One hour?
Or more?

Well, I’d say around 10 minutes as he will call me incessantly until I answer.

God forbid I’m in a meeting and will then text to say I can’t talk, and he’ll phone straight back and say he can’t text as he’s in the car.

He calls me, 1215 everyday to say he is off for lunch. Nothing more, just that’s he’s off for lunch. At least I know where to direct mountain rescue, because yes - he goes to the same place and eats the same thing every single day.

This man is 54 years old, btw 😂

Whenever my partner isn’t actively engaged in something at work he wanders upstairs from his office into mine and wants to talk. Even if I close my office door he’ll open it, say hello, then wander off leaving it open. So I have to go and shut it again. Then he huffs and puffs with “I was only coming to talk to you”. I’m busy! He has ADHD as well so his working style is ‘short bursts’ while mine is ‘head down and get on with it’.

If you’re actively working you can’t do that efficiently while listening to someone talk at you.

Agree. Normally some underlying issues.

You're not over reacting , my ex partner used to do this, phone a couple of times a day from work , for no reason. It got irritating especially when there was no point to the calls and we lived together as well.

This would drive me absolutely nuts.

Oh god I had this once. Apart from we didn't live together. He'd phone me on his break, then at lunch, then his next break. I was finding it annoying, it breaking up my day so I suggested he phone me on his way to work or on his way home. He then just added those suggestions to the other calls and I was inundated! Nightmare.

It would annoy me!
My friend is like this, her hubby calls her when he's travelling, eating, breathing.... 🤦‍♀️

But why...................? Just why......?

That question to everyone

He calls you because he thinks you might be cheating on him. I know guys that do the same thing and I asked why they call their wife on every break. They say that if they're cheating on me then I'll stop them from doing what they're doing just to talk with with me. (I tell them to grow up and stop acting so insecure.)

He is an extrovert and you are an introvert. He relaxes by talking whereas for you it is an activity which requires thought.

I am just like you. I can’t talk on the phone and do something else at the same time. If I’m cooking and someone calls, either my talking or my cooking slow down to a halt as I try to do both at the same time. I just can’t multi-task in this way. To talk to someone on the phone I have to sit down and concentrate, so it’s not something I do that much of.

My husband is just like your husband. If he starts cooking, he will actually pick up the phone to talk to someone to keep himself entertained. And he calls me at convenient moments for himself, when he is grabbing lunch or between meetings. These moments aren’t necessarily convenient for me because I have to stop what I’m doing.

But it’s not a problem. We have open lines of communication. We’ll chat for a bit but if there’s something I want to get on with I’ll just tell him and we’ll say goodbye for the time being.

I feel suffocated just reading this

Couldn't bear this.
We only ever ring for a specific reason, and even then its brief and to the point.

He's checking up on you. Been there, done that, said goodbye, peaceful now.

My ex would do this, just to 'chat', but I'd get the 3rd degree if I didn't answer the landline. Then he bought a mobile for me (this was nearly 20 years ago) so he could call in case I wasn't home. He would call work with random queries, he knew to the minute how long it took for me to drive home from work and there'd be questions if I was late. See where this is going? Nip this behaviour on the bud, or better yet, get out.

dont know if its controlling necessarily, but it does feel a bit entitled. He’s clearly bored or insecure at work, and I think what’s so disturbing is he doesn’t care whether you like it or not. It’s not about checking in with you, it’s about meeting his needs with your time. I don’t like this carry on because I think men like this purposely choose women who they know will try to accommodate them and who they can make feel guilty.
That said, you do sort of have to have as much respect and care for yourself as you do for him and put yourself first. If you don’t do it, he won’t do it.

This sounds very much like controlling behaviour. Ask yourself, is your partner checking up on where you are and what you’re doing. why is he doing this?
you need to address this with him. It isn’t normal behaviour, most people get on with their days and catch up later in day. It would be a different opinion from me if you liked the phone calls, and looked forward to hearing his voice, but you are quite rightly, annoyed/irritated. I think it has all the red flags of controlling behaviour and you need to be very careful that it doesn’t escalate.
certainly discuss it, he may be calling as he thinks that’s what you want. Point out that your days are busy, and with constant interruption it’s even busier! Maybe try setting a rule that he lets you know when leaving work.
do you work? I’d also point out that being in personal calls at work isn’t appropriate.
don’t let it carry on. Wishing you luck & hope you sort it x

He's checking on you as he's insecure - doesn't trust you,
He's checking on you so he knows where you are - dont trust him,
He's trying hard to impress his colleagues - he needs to grow up,
He's a tight arse trying to get the most out of his tariff....
My partner used to do this, it's coercive - a way of managing you and your whereabouts.
Ring him during your breaks, when it suits you - see if you go to answerphone, if they're edgy/snappy when they reply etc