My man wants my hand and my house

[LennoxBaird]

I've been in a long term relationship-10years now. My partner only recently proposed (informally). I tied for years for getting us ro buy a place together, have a family or get married but he wasn't interested until I mentioned that I worry about our financial future. That's when he asked if he could be a part of my house mortgage and to get married to get our finances merged. I'm scared. Any advice?

Just say thanks but no thanks. He is seeing pound signs not love hearts op.

One word involves sex and the other involves removal from something. (Your life, maybe?)
Cocklodger Central Phone Home!

Don't people who get married join finances and buy property together?

What are you scared about? You've been trying for years to buy a place together or get married - both mean your finances are tied together.

If you don't want to merge finances then don't marry and don't allow him on the mortgage.

I second all the answers given already, but if you do decide to ultimately add him to the mortgage I would certainly have a declaration of trust drawn up first which would protect the equity you already have in the property.

It’s your decision. Either you are happy to marry and merge finances or you are not. If you are not, then things stay the way they are or you separate. Do not let the fear of separation make you do something you don’t want to.

This ^^

Take legal advice before you do anything. Go see a solicitor on the quiet in your lunch break. Take notes at that meeting so you remember what’s said.

Don’t make yourself financially vulnerable for lack of advice. Please, don’t!

I'd bin him off.

He wants your money, not you.

So he is only interested in HIS financial future, not yours as you appear to be in a better place.

If you do get married make sure to keep your finances separate as it appears that you are in a better position than him. I know that is not what marriage is supposed to be about, but if he had proposed 5 or more years ago then that would be a different story.

You would be mad if you married him.

He wouldn’t marry you when you had nothing and now you have something he wants to go on the deeds to your house.

Absolutely no way!!

No way.

I think you need to explain a bit more. You wanted to jointly buy a property but he resisted. Now he has changed his mind and wants to jointly own property with you but you aren't happy with this.

What is the issue and what is your situation? Did you buy a property alone in the meantime? And funded it all yourself? And now he's realised you have a nice valuable asset built up and he wants to share it despite having not put in any financial investment himself? Does he have savings to invest in your house if you added him as an owner? Do you earn more than him (and has your salary steadily increased over the 10 years and his has not)?

If I've guessed right then he sounds like a cocklodger and I'd be wary too about adding him to the deeds. Wary too about marriage which gives him the same rights!

How old are you? Is marriage and/or kids important to you in your future?

He's seeing pound signs
Protect your assets at all costs
You can still see him, but please don't put him on the mortgage

I know someone who asked his ex this, she owned her own house, he wanted to move in and go on the mortgage. She is sooo glad she didn’t as he is completely useless, in a crap job and always skint. She went onto marry a wealthy man and they happily split finances. She would have just handed over half her property to a man who hadn’t contributed to any of it if she had married him.

It all depends on the financial balance and what's in it for whom. Which of you has more assets (including pensions) and who is the bigger earner?

He sounds like a chancer with £££ in his eyes. Run away!

I would drop him immediately. He's shown you what he's interested in - himself. He didn't want to marry you when he thought it would benefit you - now that he's realised it would benefit him, he wants to.

Those. Open your eyes OP. He's after your house not wanting to be married to you because he loves you. When you had nothing he was not at all interested. Now the boot is on the other foot. Tell him you're happy how you are.

What’s his financial situation? I completely agree with the posters saying you should get legal advice.

I used to think of marriage as something romantic, but now that I’m older (and own my own property) I see it primarily as a legal and financial contract with far-reaching consequences.

What are you scared of?

So he didn't want to marry YOU, but he does want to marry YOUR HOUSE AND MONEY.

I think you need to consider your relationship as a whole, because it's not looking great.

What does he actually bring to your relationship? I'm suspecting it's not a lot.

Not always, no. We don't have joint finances. House is owned jointly though

My partner only recently proposed (informally)

So he gave you a "shut the fuck up" proposal and doesn't intend to follow through on marrying you, but wants your house and for you to financially benefit him? My advice, run away, very far and very fast.

OP o think you got what they call ‘shut up ring’ these days on social media.
Why is he suddenly proposing? Please re-read your post and ask yourself what advice you’d give a friend or daughter who wrote that to you.

I’m sure you know what to do. That fact that you’re scared should tell you your gut is right. Do not agree to anything until you get independent legal advice.

As above + this.
Ten years on do you want children If yes, with him???
A baby would slow you down if you wanted out later.