Help. Just found out dh having affair. How do I confront him?

[Rocketman2]

I want to confront him but how. I don’t want him to weezle out of it.

I feel sick. I can’t wait and sleep on it as I’m going to not be able to contain it. I’m visibly shaking and keep thinking I’m going to be sick.

it’s got to be today. Omg my heart is broken

Leave it out. She already said she had her suspicions

Withdrawing ALL funds from joint accounts is not good advice. Neither is changing the locks.
Sorting finances is good advice though.

All money and assets will have to be declared on a Form E. Money will have to be transferred to make it equitable. My ex h wanted half of a certain money asset but the reality is he couldn't have it as he had more money to start with, so he had to give me some and I gave him nothing.

Ok thanks. I will bare that in mind.

I hope you’re ok op

This

THIS THIS THIS. you need to stay strong and play dumb for your children until you’re set up like this. What would you do tomorrow if he left and took all the money?

@Dancingqueen18

I think that's the point. When all is honest and transparent in a marriage then a lot of couples absolutely have this. I did. But it's the change in behaviours re phones in particular that arouses suspicion.

We always left our phones around no problem- used each others to google stuff, whatever but that changed when one person is having an affair. It's suddenly face down, taken to the bathroom (and everywhere), not left laying around anymore.

There is some bad advice on this thread there is only 1 piece I can give you which is speak to a professional as soon as you can. Solicitor if you want a divorce (whoch you appear to want to) counsellor if you decide to work through it. Don't do anything until you've spoken to them.

I'm so sorry OP. You must be devastated! Do what the other posters have said to do and get everything in order before confronting him.

Yes, do let us know you’re OK if you get a moment

Well I confronted him. I know alot of advice was not to but it just happened. I stayed in control and watched him bury himself.
Hes still denying it despite me reading him the messages he sent her (which are explicit)
The worst part is my dd1 was the one to catch him, and she told me and now feels awful. I’m so proud of her for being so brave.
im utterly heart broken if im honest. I never ever thought he’d do this to me.
I watched him pack a bag despite him saying he doesn’t want to go as nowhere to go/doesn’t understand my logic as it’s not what I think etc.
And off he went.

We were married for 26 years 💔

So sorry to hear that you’re going through this @Rocketman2. How awful that your DD is the one who caught him. Do you mind me asking how she caught him?

You must be devastated, such a long time to be married for the selfish pig to throw it all away

She saw him texting her. He hadn’t realised she was near him. She wasn’t suspicious but glanced across to him and couldn’t help but see the words he’d written. Disgusting.
Shes distraught

She said previously a family member saw him texting a woman and urged her to check. So heartbreaking this was her DD.

We’re all here for you Rocketman. I can’t believe he denied it even after he knew you’d seen the texts. What on earn can he be claiming it is, if he says it’s not what you think?

Ah apologies, I do remember reading that earlier @EdithBond.

What a horrible man OP! I hope you’re doing ok and are able to get some sleep

I took pics on my phone of the messages. He has no idea how we now. I’ve promised dd I will never tell him it was her that caught him. I owe him nothing. I owe her everything.

yes I read the explicit message and he didn’t even blink. Just said ‘where did you get that from? Come on where?!’ And kept repeating his question. I said I owe him nothing so won’t be telling him. He still is denying it.

He’s made me feel like I was going mad the last few weeks. Told me I was mental. I’ve been nothing but supportive to him. Taken it. He’s gaslit me constantly.

my daughter (who is a complete daddy’s girl) has begged me not to have him back. She said he disgusts her.

Okay, he is gone - good.

Hopefully you'll be able to take copies of all financial documents.

Ask friends who got divorced for solicitor recommendations.

Read - knowledge is power:

• Wikivorce
• Divorce for Dummies
• Family solicitor websites.
• Form E

💐

@Rocketman2 I hope you’re ok. Please find a solicitor asap.

I'm so sorry @Rocketman2 you have done the right thing. My ex refused to acknowledge that I'd seen photos and messages. The next few weeks will be tough. Try and visit Chumplady's website and look up 'the script' online. You'll need friends and family if you've got them. Be strong, be calm, don't do anything hastily. Remember your husband is now not your friend and not on your side. Find a lawyer you trust and isn't aggressive. You need to be as strong as you can be. And you will be ok. I promise. Good luck.

It breaks me to think my husband is not my friend.

I’ve just got into his emails. And can see he’s booked a hotel for a few nights. He’s also changed his appleID. He asked earlier if I’d hacked into his Apple id to see his messages. I again repeated ‘I owe you nothing’. (Obvs I hadn’t. Wasn’t that hard. I just picked his phone up!)

@Rocketman2, my heart goes out to you.

Your H thought he was so clever — fooling/gaslighting you while conducting his tawdry affair. He’s now stunned and bricking it that you’ve rumbled him. He is so arrogant and unremorseful that he is still lying instead of coming clean.

See a solicitor asap and don’t give H the opportunity to further lie and manipulate. He cooked his own goose by trashing his marriage and family, and he is about to face the consequences.

Your DD is very courageous indeed and you are a shining role model for her.

Asedio for you OP. He's a stupid fool. I hope you have managed a bit of sleep and can start making a plan of what to do next. Well done to your daughter