Going back to husband - social services

[Frozenyoggy]

I left my husband after an argument escalated. He was physical with me but no bruises or injuries. Our toddler was present.
i told a friend who said she had an obligation to report it to SS as she was a safeguarding lead.
I spoke to SS and told them the events which took place. They closed the case as I moved out the area to stay with family.

Me and my husband have now had a period of time apart and realised we have things to work on in our marriage but want to try again. My husband is going to do an anger management course and some personal therapy.
i am going to move back to the family home at some point in the near future.
Do I need to call social services to let them know the change in circumstances? Ideally I don’t want to but I realise that looks like secrecy and I want to be transparent if it helps. From what I read it’s possible my children might be put on a child in need plan?

many thanks for advice

I'm very saddened to know you're making the very regrettable decision of getting back together with your violent husband. This almost never ends well. You must know this.

My husband is going to do an anger management course and some personal therapy.

When? Before you move back in? Or is this just an empty promise he's giving you to coerce you to come back. I'd bet he has absolutely no intention of ever going to therapy or anger management.

This man assaulted you in front of your child. He will do so again, and next time you may not be so lucky.

OP violence never comes out of nowhere. Your husband is abusive and abuse escalates. Abuse is about power and control, abusers do what they need to control you and to maintain power over you. Some abusers are never violent but still manage to terrorise.

If you're absolutely determined to get back with him, I advise you to do a few things. First do the Freedom Programme, preferably in a group setting. It helps to establish healthy relationships. Second, contact a domestic abuse organisation for support, they can advise on how to keep safe and what to do should the abuse get worse (it will), third, get some counselling - the domestic abuse organisation may provide counselling or recommend somewhere. You can ask your GP or self refer. Finally, read the book Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft.

If you get back together with him you are at risk of having your child taken away and nothing is worth that.

He'll 100% be abusive again.

Don't expose your child to this.

Do you really want them taken into care? You're making a very foolish decision.

If they have closed the case no you don't - but I would strongly caution you against moving back before at the very least he has completed 6 months of perpetrator intervention as well as personal therapy. Forget anger management, it's bollocks and not the one for perpetrators

As a safeguarding lead, I can tell you that you must tell social services.

If you don't, and they find out, they may decide the risks are still present and open the case again. If they feel there is a significant risk and you do not leave your husband to safeguard your child, you'll end up at child protection level.

Yes you should tell them. Your dc was witness to dv and is being put in potential harm's way.

You've managed to get out it will be mad to go back. Your poor child

Your husband didn’t start this anger management and personal therapy already, while you were apart?

Was this because he was too busy researching and doing other types of therapies?

So he’s booked and paid for it and has a date when it starts?

And you’ve seen proof of that?

Don't do this, OP.

Madness to move in before he's done the course and therapy and then a large chunk of time has passed in which he's shown to have really learned, understood and changed his behaviour.

It rarely happens. You have a child to consider in this too, so SS should be keeping an eye on the situation

Poor bloody child.

Don't do it.

Just don't.

Agreed.

Honestly you'd be mad to go back and expose your child to more violence.

It’s unspeakably selfish to inflict this man on your child, snd
stupid to inflict him on yourself. He violently attacked you in front of your toddler, and has done absolutely nothing in the time you’ve been apart to work on himself. He doesn’t think he was in the wrong, he’s just saying the ‘right’
things noe to get you back on side.

www.womensaid.org.uk/

I work directly with DA perpetrators. It is NOTHING to do with anger management. Your local authority will probation run a specific intervention he can self refer to.

Legally, no, you don’t have to tell them. But, I’d think very carefully before you go back to him. Abusers are what they are.

Christ on a bike, what did I just read?

Why hasn’t he done anger management & therapy while you were apart?

You shouldn’t go back anyway, but yes you should tell them so they can talk some sense into you - they’re only closed the case because you weren’t living with an abuser, surely? You’re putting yourself and your child at risk.

If I were the friend who originally reported this situation I would again, for your own safety since you’re about to make a big mistake, please rethink this.

My mil is still abusing at 85yo. They never stop, they enjoy it too much.

I don't know the answer to the SS question sorry. But how long have you been apart and as pp have said, what's he done in that time that makes you think it will be any different going back? Even 'escalating' verbal disagreements are going to be very damaging in front of a toddler, were these happening a lot before the physical violence that caused you to leave?

You should contact SS. They will almost certainly advise against it. The stepped out because you had moved and separated and moved out. If you reconcile, they will be involved again.
This is who he is. A man capable of being violent is certainly, at the least an angry man. You will be waiting for it to happen again- when it does your child will likely be removed.
Your first responsibility is to your child, you’ve already failed them by partnering up with an aggressive and dangerous man, don’t fail them again now you have been able to leave him.

Do not go back
just don’t

You are an absolute fool op sorry but you really are.

The question you need to ask yourself is do you love this man more than your child? Because going back to him means the answer is yes.