Going back to husband - social services

[Frozenyoggy]

I left my husband after an argument escalated. He was physical with me but no bruises or injuries. Our toddler was present.
i told a friend who said she had an obligation to report it to SS as she was a safeguarding lead.
I spoke to SS and told them the events which took place. They closed the case as I moved out the area to stay with family.

Me and my husband have now had a period of time apart and realised we have things to work on in our marriage but want to try again. My husband is going to do an anger management course and some personal therapy.
i am going to move back to the family home at some point in the near future.
Do I need to call social services to let them know the change in circumstances? Ideally I don’t want to but I realise that looks like secrecy and I want to be transparent if it helps. From what I read it’s possible my children might be put on a child in need plan?

many thanks for advice

Mine didn't hit me either. It was still fucking scary and traumatic for me and my daughter though.

After he'd convinced me to take him back, he started telling me I overreacted by calling the police, telling me that what he did wasn't that bad, and that I would have dealt with it better if I'd been at a different time in my cycle, like my hormones were the problem and not his behaviour.

And him being horrible got better for a bit. Then it slowly returned. Then started escalating again. This time I ended it for real before it got physical again.

But I wasted a year and my kids witnessed so much in that time that I wish they hadn't.

When social services find out you've put your child in a position of abuse again (and a child witnessing DV is abuse) they will take a very dim view of it and might well remove him from the home as you cannot be trusted to keep him safe and have put your relationship before his needs.

' He was physical with me but no bruises or injuries. '

and you are now claiming ' he hadn't hit me '

oh well, I suppose you can have more children if this one is removed from you, tho of course future children may be removed too...

This... Absolutely this... Selfish parenting if you can be called a parent!

This is really helpful thank you

@Flamencosheep is one of the most dangerous and reckless piece of advice I've ever read on a DV thread.

The tone of the OP's posts suggest that she's already 90% down the road back to her husband. The last thing she needs to hear is that SS will help her stay with her abuser. You can justify staying with a man who escalated from pushing you around to strangling you, but it's not something you should put in print for another vulnerable person to follow.

For yours and your children's sake, I hope your husband continues to not get so swept up in his grief, he strangles you again. We know many abusers can lay dormant for a while before erupting.

Jesus wept!

How long ago did you leave? Has he made any changes since or is it all up to you to organise

I think you've been a bit demonised on this thread @Frozenyoggy and that's not going to help you.

I know how strong the urge is to believe that your husband is different to all the other abusive twats you read about on MN, that he means it when he says he's sorry and he's going to change. I know how strong a trauma bond is and how difficult it is to even imagine a life without him, especially if you've got a very young child and all the stress and exhaustion that goes with that.

I was you a year ago. He told me everything I wanted to hear and I believed it all. The therapy, the abuse perpetrator programme, the lot. None of it materialised.

Leaving my H has been the hardest thing I've ever done because I still love him very much, despite some of the horrible things he's done and said to me. But I've finally realised it's the best thing for my kids.

You need to really, really think about this decision. The statistics are not in your favour I'm afraid.

It scares me a little how much you hero worship your DH who was violent to you. You know there are a lot of A and E doctors out there right? Ones who don't go home and strangle their partners? Even when they've been stressed every day saving lives? Why does your DH use this as a coping mechanism? Please look after yourself x

Put your kids first ffs!!