He's gone quiet after sex

[Forfucksake84]

I've been on 3 dates with a guy I met online, and on the last date we slept together. He had been very consistent in his messages up until then with 'how was your day' type texts. The night after we had sex he texted saying he couldn't wait to see me again and I replied the next day asking when he was free. He said he was free this weekend and that I would have to let him know which day was best. (This was sunday) I didn't hear anything else from him like I usually would so I text him on Tuesday asking how his day was and letting him know that my children were ill and that I would have to confirm about the weekend if he still wants to meet up. He replied saying he still does and that we should just play it by ear re the children. So I said I would let him know. I've still not heard anything else from him...his communication level has definitely dropped off since Sunday morning...despite him seeming keen beforehand. What should my next move be?

Ignore. And maybe wait more than 3 dates next time (not meant bitchily, just being honest).

Well I mean he did message you back at least, so i think it's all fine still

This weekend coming? It's only Wednesday, I think it's still fine...

Let him know if you're free to meet up then leave it in his court.

He’s told you to let him know how things are with the kids and if you can still meet at the weekend, so maybe do that?

He might have thought you were getting your excuses in early.

It's just the fact that he used to text me daily and now I'm not hearing from him

Maybe he feels a bit more comfortable with you now? Maybe hes self conscious and wants to see how you feel about it all?

I would agree hes a toad if he had ghosted you but he sounds like he wants to see you again? So maybe this is a communication issue rather than anything else? Just text him something like 'I haven't heard much from you this week, is everything okay' and see what he says?

Fuck and chuck/pump and dump. He's now doing the slow fade...

Or maybe he's just less keen now he's blown his wad but still interested.

Aaaand this is why all this messaging is dangerous imo. Missed one day and you're analysing it!
Try to chill. He's maybe just busy?

I wouldn’t text asking if everything is okay tbh. From what you’ve shared, it still sounds okay. If you are going to mention anything, say it in person, not via text.

Just play it cool 😎 and hopefully you both will still be able to meet up this weekend. He seems up for it.

Do you want to see him again? If so I would message him on Thursday evening/Friday telling him you're up for making plans for the weekend (if you can). It's far more likely he's not interested but will keep you around for sex whilst continuing to look for someone else than he's a great guy giving you space to parent poorly children.

Thanks everyone for your insights. I've still not heard anything. Just confusing when on Saturday he said he couldn't wait to see me again. Dating is a mental minefield

I think the life lesson "pay attention to what people do and not what they say" should be taught in school! Anyone can say a few words - "can't wait to see you", "I've never felt like this before", "you're what I've been looking for" blah blah blah. It's easy peasy, takes no effort whatsoever.

Look at his actions - sex followed immediately by reduced contact. This is what counts. I would stop contacting him. If he gets in touch see how you feel then but likely he will only pop up again when he fancies sex.

Classic case of love bombing to get sex (eg. Lots of texts initiated by him) and when you start to show you have boundaries (eg. DC and health come first) he's gone on a little sulk for not getting what he wants when he wants it. It wouldn't surprise me if this turns out to be toxic. Trust your intuition, your gut instinct.

The last message said you should let him know. Maybe he's on Reddit wondering why you're not getting in contact? If you want to see him tell him when.

He asked a question - which day so was probably initially waiting for the answer. Just say which potential day and that you'll confirm on Friday

I would agree.
It’s adults acting like teenagers, getting all hung up on text frequency.
Sounds exhausting to me, but many on here seem to love taking it all very seriously.

Maybe he's on Reddit wondering why you're not getting in contact?

he isn’t.

So I said I would let him know. I've still not heard anything else from him

If I received a message saying they’ll let me know, I would leave the ball in their court and wait for them to let me know as they said.

I think you’re being a bit needy and seem to be coming across less keen as him.

He knows that if you meet up again you are likely to have sex again, so it’s unlikely he’s not keen to meet up.
He probably doesn’t want to seem too keen, so you think it’s because he’s going to have sex again.

Stop overthinking and then let him know about the weekend as planned.

The gap between having sex for the first time and next seeing someone can be difficult for men to. It used to stress me right out. "Was I any good, did she find me attractive with my clothes off, did I do anything weird?"

From his point of view, he's text you straight after to let you know he enjoyed it and really wants to see you again. You agreed on the weekend, and now you've put those plans in doubt. You've got a good reason for that, but he doesn't know that. For him, you may just be giving him the slow fade.

He may well be feeling a bit vulnerable, he may just be leaving the ball in your court because you're dealing with sick kids and he doesn't want to hassle you.

If you want to see him this weekend, then tell him, and then go from there.

OP you’ve said he was in touch immediately after you had sex saying he wanted to see you again. You delayed replying for a day, and subsequently suggested you might not be able to see him this weekend because your kids are sick. He said to let him know and you haven’t?

He could well think you’re the one who has cooled off! I think he is respecting your boundaries tbh - you’ve missed communicated your boundaries but if he was pestering when you’ve expressed doubt about meeting up again we’d all be saying he’s crossed the line!

Also, he might well be a pig, and yes dating is hard. But unfortunately no one owes us a relationship, before or after sex.

No idea how it'll pan out but to be fair this one is in your court because youve said your kids are unwell and it's been left as you'll confirm by the weekend.

Could well be that he's lost interest, could be that he doesn't want to mither a busy mum who's prioritising poorly kids about dates/sex (this might not look great). If you want to make contact, I think it's absolutely fine for you to do so then let it play out until the weekend.

I wouldn't be worrying, as I say, could go either way but the issue with your kids has altered the course of normal Comms and he might just think you need a bit of time to deal with that. There is also the chance he thinks it's an excuse to pull back on your side

Hope they're better soon!

This is the best advice you could get on the matter.

OP - I’ll be honest if someone sent me a message saying their kids were ill and they’d let me know re a next date then I’d maybe think they were getting their excuses in and wait for them to message me.

Definitely the fact you said you’ll let him know - the ball is in your court.

Yes he may be a twat who only wanted sex but equally he could be thinking he’s not heard from you since you fobbed him off.

Send him a text - just one - if he doesn’t reply then draw a line but you could be pleasantly surprised. At least you’ll know one way or the other

Ok, so he texted me at 11.30 this morning saying 'how's things? How are your girls?' And I promptly replied with 'they're on the mend thanks, so should be free to meet on Saturday if you're available. " he love hearted the message but still hasn't actually replied. I'm now even more confused. Seems like he's not actually sure himself whether he wants to meet me again or not?