He's gone quiet after sex

[Forfucksake84]

I've been on 3 dates with a guy I met online, and on the last date we slept together. He had been very consistent in his messages up until then with 'how was your day' type texts. The night after we had sex he texted saying he couldn't wait to see me again and I replied the next day asking when he was free. He said he was free this weekend and that I would have to let him know which day was best. (This was sunday) I didn't hear anything else from him like I usually would so I text him on Tuesday asking how his day was and letting him know that my children were ill and that I would have to confirm about the weekend if he still wants to meet up. He replied saying he still does and that we should just play it by ear re the children. So I said I would let him know. I've still not heard anything else from him...his communication level has definitely dropped off since Sunday morning...despite him seeming keen beforehand. What should my next move be?

This x1000

To freaking much game-playing.

One of them has said they can't wait to see the other again, and allocated an entire free weekend to the other person.

The other waited a few days and said, well, I should be free on Saturday. Which also means, maybe I won't be.

He's supposed to be chomping at the bit for this crumb I guess.

@MyGladEagle She said she should be free on Saturday because her kids have been ill. Kids can seem like they are recovering and then go back over. I would have sent the same response. He's replied with basically a none reply. I've been there myself where they start just hearting your messages. It's not fun.

Can't believe people are actually trying to say the op is in the wrong.

If he actually pins op down for a fourth proper date I will eat my hat.

Either-

He's genuinely had a lot on this week

He's more comfortable now you have slept together and doesn't feel the need to message daily (this can be seen as a positive or negative)

He's less interested now you have had sex.

If you have messaged to say you're free to meet and kids are fine and he's not responded I wouldn't message again. And if you don't hear anything by Saturday I'd block him.

oh shock, people have things going on in their lives! something may come up where he can't make it too. this doesn't stop anyone from telling the other person you really want to see them again also making a plan for the weekend without bringing life stuff into it. why would you do that with someone you're into if you're excited to see them again?

there's no need for all this cold pessimistic communication, if the kids are still ill by the weekend she can reschedule then.

Exactly this. Women on here who are either trolling, can't read or have incredibly low standards acting like breadcrumbing someone you've just slept with is normal and fine.

or maybe we have high standards hence why we're not bitter about men, and don't immediately jump to the worst and start sabotaging ourselves

Plus we communicate clearly and don’t play games

Of course men have emotions. Unfortunately when it comes to sex, the overriding emotions are: me want sex, fuck the rest.

Oh sorry did you want me to NAMALT on a women-centred site so you feel better about the actions of your sex? GTF.

@MyGladEagle If he was really interested her response would have illicited more than a heart react. If you really like someone they shouldn't have to gush at you in an OTT manner for you to respond.

You're absolutely determined to put the op in the wrong though for some reason.

How does having high standards equate to not being ‘bitter’ about men? What do the two have to do with one another?

his communication level has definitely dropped off since Sunday morning...despite him seeming keen beforehand

because you have dampen his enthusiasm with your kind of responses. If I am telling someone "I can't wait to see you again", then I have made it clear. The moment your kids were better, it was up to you to make a clear plan of when and where to meet and let him know. He had already made it clear that he was fully available.

If you sent what you quoted, you didn't ask a question. You said you should be able to meet him. That's a statement and still in the conditional.

I would've read that as you'll still confirm. I probably would have replied 'great, shall we confirm something on Fri?' but he's really not done anything wrong. The heart is hardly Keats but it's an acknowledgement.

He's been in touch first and backed off when you've needed to concentrate on your kids.

You're the one that's (for good reason and can't be helped) made things uncertain, so why not try and firm something up? That way you know for sure from his response.

Maybe he's cooled off but he's been in touch. I'm not sure why you've decided he's done something wrong based on the communications. Ive done a lot of dating and this isn't a clear cut breadcrumbing/ whatever.

What you would have expected differently from someone so new? He's been in touch, asked after your kids and either given you space because he's less interested or because he feels it's inappropriate to intrude or be overly supportive of someone he is so newly acquainted with.

I've made many comments on here saying 'leave it, he's not interested'. This isn't clear yet

You can't be talking at me, because your comment is irrelevant.

I think the op should just leave it. If he is interested he will pursue her but men backing out is so common, it wouldn't surprise me if that is the case here. It's hurtful, I've known so many women and girls who have experienced that but they learn, get over it and move on. I'd be happy to be wrong about this situation, op.

If the guy does text you, don't be in a hurry to reply and leave it to him to suggest a further meeting. I don't know why he can't phone you if he interested.

Please don't be sad and waiting. You can be happy even though life sucks sometimes and remember, this man is not the only fish in the sea.

I don’t think he’s backing out. He wouldn’t have texted at all, or he would’ve dumped her, or he wouldn’t have re-initiated conversation. What it seems has happened is neither of them are now willing to look too eager so are trying to play it cool in the hope the other puts their cards on the table first. All this talk of sexism and hump&dump is just the usual demented anti-man stuff you get on here - so desperate to make out every man is a sex crazed psychopath that they can’t see the wood for the trees.

If he hasn't replied by tonight shall I just say something like 'if you could just let me know either way that would be great, just so I know what I'm doing ' ?

no! leave it and make plans of your own - can't believe he hasn't messaged about it what a wally

Do not do that OP!

Wait for him to message again, which he will, likely suggesting a meet up, then send a nice honest no-coolness reply - ‘great, really looking forward to seeing you’ or something.

No more messing about because you’re just bouncing off each other at this point and it’s ruining the vibe.

Or 'you've gone quiet, I assume you have other plans?'

Why? OP took 24 hours to reply to his very eager message after they slept together, has made no statements about how much she enjoyed it in return, didn’t really ask him anything in her latest message. I’m not surprised he’s now trying to regain his composure. This thread is utterly mental. Op hasn’t done anything wrong, I understand her not wanting to seem too keen, but it’s descended into ‘if he doesn’t do all the running and constantly gush about his feelings for her, then he must be a psychopathic sex maniac who is giving her the slow fade’

Just mental.

i think using mental as an insult reflects poorly on you. she has told him she is free he has simply love hearted it and done nothing else.

Oh, blah. She didn’t reply to his first (incredibly keen) message for a full day, because she wanted to leave him hanging. That set the tone - guarantee if she posted ‘I messaged straight after sex to say how much I enjoyed seeing him, it’s now the next day and no response’ everyone here would be saying exactly the same about him - that he was ‘playing games’ and slow fading and she should forget about him.

No, please leave it Forfs84. In the long run you will feel better for not contacting him. You've done your bit.

Yes please do message him. The normal flow has been interrupted by you (not your fault) it's a bit patchy, perfectly fine for you to try and get it back on track or at least ascertain what's what.

Do it in a positive way. You haven't asked him anything yet. I'd say 'how are you doing? Just to confirm kids all better! Are you still on for Sat?'