He's gone quiet after sex

[Forfucksake84]

I've been on 3 dates with a guy I met online, and on the last date we slept together. He had been very consistent in his messages up until then with 'how was your day' type texts. The night after we had sex he texted saying he couldn't wait to see me again and I replied the next day asking when he was free. He said he was free this weekend and that I would have to let him know which day was best. (This was sunday) I didn't hear anything else from him like I usually would so I text him on Tuesday asking how his day was and letting him know that my children were ill and that I would have to confirm about the weekend if he still wants to meet up. He replied saying he still does and that we should just play it by ear re the children. So I said I would let him know. I've still not heard anything else from him...his communication level has definitely dropped off since Sunday morning...despite him seeming keen beforehand. What should my next move be?

Agree with this. Just say ‘kids are better so all ok for tomorrow’

IMO saying you ‘should’ be ok has left it too vague.

Please dont send a ‘you’ve gone quiet message’ that look more like chasing then a quick ‘yep are we on’

To be clear I didn't leave him hanging for 24 hours. He text when he got home saying thanks again for a great night and evening. I told him I'd had a lovely time. I then text him again that evening asking how his evening was going (he was on a night out) he then replied with a friendly message. He then text at about 1am saying he was home and that he'd had too much to drink and couldn't wait to see me again. I replied at 9am Sun morning asking when he was free.
I don't feel ice left him hanging at any point...other than telling him my children were ill

You didn't ask him a question. You just confirmed you were free on Saturday. I suspect he assumes you're seeing him on Saturday.

To be honest, I think you're (i) not communicating clearly with him at all and (ii) overthinking the frequency of his messages.

If you like him, just make plans to see him. Ask him what he fancies doing this weekend. Stop playing games. It shouldn't be this complicated.

Yeah just send a follow up with what do you fancy doing? His reply or lack of will tell you all you need to know hopefully . Save you hanging around waiting for him to reply.

Op, I would leave it now. You have told him you are free to meet, if he doesn’t reply, then, chalk it up to experience and move on. Some women on here seem desperate for attention. You have stated you are free, leave it at that.

I can't stand game playing and messing around. If you want to see him, just say something like "Are you still free tomorrow? What would you like to do?".
If he's keen to meet you he will. If he's not he'll make an excuse or ghost you.
Can't be doing with all this staying silent when you want to hear from him nonsense. You really run the risk of him thinking you're not interested and him backing off.

Exactly what sally said. It’s not losing face and at least you’ll have an answer rather than never knowing. I mean it does sound like your suspicions are correct with the change in communication but it ‘could’ be he thinks your communication style has changed too and is backing off out of respect. Thing is you’ll never know. I don’t think it’s desperate for attention like a previous poster said. It’s more clarification and sending a short follow up text saying ‘anything in particular you fancy doing’ isn’t losing face and at least then you’ll know. You must care as you wouldn’t have posted about it otherwise 😊

Have you try calling him OP? I always find that you can misinterpret the text messages but you can never go wrong with the tone and vibe when you actually taking to a person.

"oh blah" also reflects poorly on you

People are unpredictable. That's a given. It starts to feel like a minefield when you expect predictability from a person you don't know. You've only met 3 times. You have communication issues between you already, and he leaves you feeling confused.

If this isn't how you want to feel, move on. It's not up to him to do things the way you want, and if he just wanted sex, he's allowed. if he wanted to deceive you, he's allowed. If he's trying to sting you along, he's allowed. People are allowed to be shit, and treat each other poorly. You are the one who is responsible for filtering out the goodies from the baddies, so that you don't end up with a life full of people who make you feel confused etc.

Do some filtering. Assume everyone is not the one, until someone comes along who wows you at every turn, rather than assuming that everyone is Mr Great and feeling like dating is a minefield when they turn out not to be. Save yourself the disappointment: most people are not compatible with most people, so most men you meet won't be compatible partners for you.

You could just text to say are you about tomorrow? Kids all better and I'm free if you are.

I probably wouldnt message him today if he didn't bother. It's different if he's always been shit with texting but as you said he wasn't before you slept together I would be put off by the sudden distancing and silence. If he wants to meet you tomorrow he will text.

This^

No I just have no time for nit picking semantics.

He has just messaged saying he's not sure if he'll see me tomorrow as he's not feeling too great, and that he has his dog and a car boot sale early Sunday morning. He says he'll see how he feels tomorrow. Does this sound like an excuse?

Hmm does sound a little like an excuse. Just reply no worries.

Yeah it sounds a little like an excuse I'm afraid. Just be blasé and reply to say 'no problem, catch you later' then don't bother texting him again.

Yes he’s doing a fast fade rather than a slow one. Just block him

Might be completely genuine. Give him the benefit of the doubt. I'd place the ball firmly in his court by saying "I hope you feel better soon. Let me know if you'd like to meet up once you're better. I'll wait to hear from you". If you say this, there's no doubt that he needs to get in touch next.

Yes definitely but he’s keeping you on back burner by not saying no outright.

I’d end this one you’ve got your answer

Urgh @ that last message. It makes me so anxious now if someone I'm seeing says they're feeling ill as it's been the start of the slow fade so many times 😩

Yeah it’s an excuse. You deserve better than that I wouldn’t bother with him again if I were you

I'd listen to your intuition on this. If it feels like an excuse or he's pulling away, I'd say it was likely to be the case.

or unable to be mature

please don't message him again now! He's dropped it off and you deserve way more