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Original poster

He's gone quiet after sex

279 replies

Forfucksake84 · 24/07/2024 22:35

I've been on 3 dates with a guy I met online, and on the last date we slept together. He had been very consistent in his messages up until then with 'how was your day' type texts. The night after we had sex he texted saying he couldn't wait to see me again and I replied the next day asking when he was free. He said he was free this weekend and that I would have to let him know which day was best. (This was sunday) I didn't hear anything else from him like I usually would so I text him on Tuesday asking how his day was and letting him know that my children were ill and that I would have to confirm about the weekend if he still wants to meet up. He replied saying he still does and that we should just play it by ear re the children. So I said I would let him know. I've still not heard anything else from him...his communication level has definitely dropped off since Sunday morning...despite him seeming keen beforehand. What should my next move be?

OP posts:
SamW98 · 31/07/2024 10:27

Alwaystimeforacupoftea · 31/07/2024 10:20

@Forfucksake84 I would read that as 'casual', he didn't say looking for long-term relationship, he means he's happy to meet up, make new friends, have sex as the opportunity arises, and if anything develops further, so be it. He doesn't sound like he's looking for a serious long-term relationship at this stage, and given he's not that interested I'd block and move on, perhaps clarify what you want.

Men saying they want 'new friends' is a lie- he doesn't want a new friend called Gary whose 50 and wants to go cycling, does he? He means be friends with and have sex with new women- that's what he did with you, he's keeping in low pressure touch afterwards and seeing what else is out there.

Agree with this. If he genuinely wants new friends - go to the pub, join a hobby group, look up events on SM and go along. He does want friends, he’s just missed the ‘with benefits’ off

OP - you’re giving him headspace he doesn’t deserve. He's pretty much spelt it out that he wants casual - he’s not relationship material at this time.

If you’re happy to be a FWB when he’s at a loose end then keep in touch but personally I’d say ‘nice to have met you but we want different things’ and delete him.

pubertyalloveragain · 31/07/2024 10:42

Blackthorne · 29/07/2024 20:43

He's odd and very very casual. For the reply about work I'd write "Same as ever"

And leave it at that.

Or not bother at all. I think in this instance I'd just not bother and see what happens. If he's genuinely interested, he'll text again as he'll want to to know why you haven't responded. In the same way you texted, when he hadn't been in touch.

He's so casual to garner any interest you'll need to be even less keen than he is.

It's become a game. Is it worth it though? You're not on the same page.

You want someone who will be more available and commit more readily than this, yes? Someone who is a genuine match.

So don't reply and see what happens... let us know! If he texts again, or not!

It's a test of his interest, look at it that way. If you don't hear back, you know.

If you do, then it's more game-playing by the looks of things. If he was so keen before he had sex, he may become keen again, once he thinks sex is off the cards again, because you've gone quiet.

It's all quite silly.

Not something I'd want in my 30s and beyond.

OP, do get yourself back on the dating apps if you can face it and find someone else to distract you. You really do deserve better. You sound like you're ready and willing to meet the right person. You've kissed a frog, but sometimes we have to, to get to the prince. Don't give up, there's someone out there that's right for you. Men like this make me so angry because they destabilise your self-worth if you let it. But don't. You're better than this silly game playing. Save your heart for someone who genuinely cares. He's out there somewhere.

Such good advice

thecatsarecrazy · 31/07/2024 11:35

I'm sorry op I've been here many times, the last guy I met was exactly like this. Constantly messaging but after sex went cold and distant.
He didn't text for a few days then asked if I was free on the Thursday night, I said I was and never heard again.
Like u I would message and he would reply straight away but just yeah I'm fine, u kind of messages.
I found out last weekend he was meeting another woman at the same time!

5475878237NC · 01/08/2024 14:28

Honestly at this point I'd just block him. If you want to you could say you're not looking for new friends you were interested in physically meeting up and dating someone. Then block him. Don't enter a dialogue as he's actually been very clear. Casual means he'll see you as and when he fancies sex with you.

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