He's gone quiet after sex

[Forfucksake84]

I've been on 3 dates with a guy I met online, and on the last date we slept together. He had been very consistent in his messages up until then with 'how was your day' type texts. The night after we had sex he texted saying he couldn't wait to see me again and I replied the next day asking when he was free. He said he was free this weekend and that I would have to let him know which day was best. (This was sunday) I didn't hear anything else from him like I usually would so I text him on Tuesday asking how his day was and letting him know that my children were ill and that I would have to confirm about the weekend if he still wants to meet up. He replied saying he still does and that we should just play it by ear re the children. So I said I would let him know. I've still not heard anything else from him...his communication level has definitely dropped off since Sunday morning...despite him seeming keen beforehand. What should my next move be?

Yeah its up to him to message you back. Simply love hearting the message isnt enough of a reply.

I feel like you’re both playing cat and mouse with each other now. If he really wasn’t interested he wouldn’t have messaged at all, but equally your reply was a bit curt and didn’t ask him anything so he hasn’t responded.

I think that means you're seeing him on Saturday, and he will message back tomorrow. But I'm forever the optimist

Maybe he was giving you a bit of space because you had ill kids? You've said you 'should' be able to do Saturday which is still pretty non comital, he might be waiting to hear if you can do it for definite so I'd just wait till you know for sure and then confirm. If he just gives that a heart then I wouldn't be impressed but everything's a bit up in the air at the moment.

I agree. It feels like you’re tip toeing around each other at the moment neither wanting to be the one to make the next move.

It depends if you’re keen tbh. Maybe just tell him you are ok for Saturday and ask where youre going?

But i was asking if he was available and he hasn't answered. Surely the ball is in his court now. I've basically said I'm free to meet him

Exactly, your message couldnt have been clearer. Anyone else would have sent a reply but he's being an arse. If he doesnt reply at all tomorrow then fuck him right off!

So many apologists on here. He’s an arse, men don’t ‘feel vulnerable’ after sex or any of that bollocks. Especially one who was confident enough to message every day before getting his end away. Don’t message him again, and see what happens. If he comes back with a ‘sorry, been a busy week but I would love to see you on Saturday, let’s do XYZ’ etc then give him another chance. But really his actions now are speaking volumes. He should be trying to lock down another date and letting you know he’s keen unless he’s a sex-seeking man child (best case) or toxic piece of shit who will dangle you along for an unknown duration, fucking with your head for kicks (worst case). I’ve dated dozens of men and had flings and long term relationships, the pattern was ever thus I’m afraid x

He thinks you’ve blown him off and that the ‘sick kids’ is probably an excuse. If you want to see him again message ‘Kids better. Fancy going out for dinner/drink/disco dancing/movie/whatever on Saturday?’ If he doesn’t reply then you’ll know.

Ball’s definitely in your court

Ffs ‘apologist’ for what? He hasn’t done anything wrong. And last time I checked you don’t HAVE to date somebody you slept with else you’re a ‘toxic piece of shit’. He’s replied to her messages, she’s replied to his, they’re both playing it a bit cool. No crimes have been committed. You sound a raving misandrist and I’ve actually never said that to anyone before

If a man is keen, you will know about it. His actions seem like a slow fade.

Ok, let’s see what happens then. Sex then a communication drop (as stated by the OP) has only ever meant one thing to me, all my friends, and the men I’ve known over the years who have pulled the old ‘don’t want her getting too close now/not looking for anything serious’ that somehow they neglected to say before getting a shag. It means humped and dumped.

Also ‘raving misandrist’ - yeah, I’ll take that! They’ve given me very little to like them for over the years it’s true.

He was very keen. Now not so much after sex. Typical. That in and of itself would be quite off putting to me.

Let him chase. He’s obviously a chaser and needs to fear he will lose you to feel more connected.

Im not sure that’s a good premise for a relationship. Some people have attachment issues.

Well at least its nearing some sort of conclusion. If he isn't in touch in the next 24hrs you know the score. But he must know you need to make childcare plans on the Saturday and can't leave this till the last minute. He's just plain rude.

To be honest I'm confused by the people saying that the ball is in my court and that I need to message him again. I've already let him know my kids are better and that I'll be free on Saturday. He's the one who hasn't actually answered my question

Correct OP.

Wait.

Do not message again unless you want to look desperate

@Forfucksake84 you didn't say that you will be free. You said you should be which isn't a definite .

You sound quite difficult tbh.

He was the one who messaged you this morning and now you’re still thinking he’s not interested

Why did you not message him first and say the kids are feeling better so you will be able to meet this weekend after all.

I would find it quite exhausting messaging you tbh.
Its too much game playing.

They haven’t read your updates properly @Forfucksake84 the ball is firmly in his court, personally I would leave it now and don’t just jump to attention if he throws you a few breadcrumbs, really think about what you want from a relationship and if you’ll feel secure with this man considering he’s dropped off a bit after a night of intimacy x

But I'm also confused as to why he asked how my kids are this morning? Just stringing me along in case he fancies it at the last minute?

Your communications have been quite vague. If you really want to meet him, why didn't you tell him when you knew the kids were better. You could have said "I'm free on Saturday. Do you want to do xyz?"

Instead you seem to be waiting for him to suggest something while giving mix messages about whether you are interested or not

Because it was only really this morning that I realised that they would be better and that my parents had agreed to have them

@Forfucksake84 If this was a friend what would you tell them? Bearing in mind previous actions and the last message you sent stating your interest and intention to meet him on Saturday.

I think if someone really likes you, they will let you know.
Maybe he sent the love heart as a holding card he was busy organising a new date for the weekend and hadn't heard back yet.