He's gone quiet after sex

[Forfucksake84]

I've been on 3 dates with a guy I met online, and on the last date we slept together. He had been very consistent in his messages up until then with 'how was your day' type texts. The night after we had sex he texted saying he couldn't wait to see me again and I replied the next day asking when he was free. He said he was free this weekend and that I would have to let him know which day was best. (This was sunday) I didn't hear anything else from him like I usually would so I text him on Tuesday asking how his day was and letting him know that my children were ill and that I would have to confirm about the weekend if he still wants to meet up. He replied saying he still does and that we should just play it by ear re the children. So I said I would let him know. I've still not heard anything else from him...his communication level has definitely dropped off since Sunday morning...despite him seeming keen beforehand. What should my next move be?

You told him your kids were ill, he said he understood, was still up for the weekend but asked you to let him know.
He's leaving you to prioritise your kids and waiting to hear from you when you're ready.
I'm not sure what else you can expect after 3 dates. You're definitely over thinking. If you want to see him and you're free too;l, text him and firm up the plan

Ah, that was a classic "read the thread" 🫠

To be honest he said he was keen to see you again and was free the weekend and to let him know which day - you then didn't let him know for 3 days at which point you said the kids had been ill and you'd let him know if you could do the weekend, he said no probs let him know - you then did let him know and he gave it a love heart which generally means 'yes that works, I'm happy'

To me his comms seem ok based on that, him saying he was free the weekend and you not replying for 2 days looks a bit bad on you - but I could have miss read that and you did reply?

However - if he's vastly different now to what you're used to you can always just be upfront and ask. If how he is now doesn't work for you then you either carry on unhappy, or ask and it will go one of 2 ways, but it will go down the pan if you don't ask and let anything you're unhappy about just carry on anyway as you won't enjoy it!

So have a chat and talk it out?

Playing the field, innit. The more women, the more notches on his bed post.

I find men quite 'yuk.' A previous work colleague was regaling us with a story one day about someone who he chased and chased and chased. Eventually he 'slept' with her and he instantly got the 'ick.' He said 'she was like deadwood and felt immovable and heavy' in bed. I couldn't even look at him after that. Even the male colleagues gave him a wide berth.

My point is some men really are just awful. Don't chase him. He will be the issue. Not you. Decent men don't sleep with someone and then keep them doubting.

I can’t see what he’s done wrong at all. You’re jumping to all sorts of conclusions and are coming across needy and sensitive.

Tldr but...

Why don't you message and say "Shall we do xyz? We could meet at xyz. Let me know if you are still free to meet" or similar...?

At least you'll know one way or the other!

Don’t spend any more time thinking about him - he will inevitably come crawling back (they always do!) - make sure you don’t bite!!!

And for gods sake don’t message him asking for another date!!! He is a man- if he wanted to see you again he would have it NAILED DOWN!

if he valued you he would have messaged before today to check in anyway regardless of confirming plans. come on- you deserve more than this! he's had his cake don't let him eat it. You've got a busy life yourself right ? your time is precious isn't it? look after you - this prat ain't worth this angst

and agree wit previous poster - he will come crawling back to test how low your boundaries are and how much he can get away with in the future. to all those saying she is sensitive and needy- no! she's got feelings

Concentrate on yourself, dont wait for him to text, if he comes back properly then that’s up to you what you do with it. But don’t stress yourself out in the meantime.

So you slept with him Friday. He messaged you Saturday saying couldn't wait to see you again. You delayed replying until Sunday. He replied to you on Sunday asking about meeting this weekend and to let him know the best day. You then didn't reply until Tuesday putting off meeting at all. He replied to you again on Tuesday with what seems to me to be a nice normal message. You post on here on Wednesday upset that he hasn't messaged you. He messages you on Thursday, you reply to say you can maybe see him at the weekend and he love hearts the message

As far as I can see you're the one who doesn't seem interested. If you are interested why not just be straight, reply when he messages, answer his questions, commit to seeing him, show some interest. If he's then not interested you can move on. I don't know how people have the energy for all the game playing. You're creating your own drama here. And encouraged by all the other over analysers. I can't believe someone suggested the love heart was a holding card, wtf does that even mean

Couldn’t you say that about OP as well though?

And OP I’m not sure I would have replied promptly to his last message after getting the silent treatment post sex. It makes you look a bit desperate to write back straight away. I’d have waited until at least the evening to message back.

Honestly, if you’re only getting to date 4 and these are the kinds of mind tricks you need to play to get him to show interest I’d really not bother. It’s not like you’re 18 and a bit naive. This man is a user.

If he wanted another date he’d nail it down asap. It does seem as though you’ve been used. 💐

Be strong and move on. This one will only cause you more grief further down the line.

no as the OP was dealing with sick kids!

I think it’s less likely. Usually the sex mad ones won’t put effort into 6 months of dating first, they’ll just hop straight back on the apps.

Of course, I bow to your obviously superior knowledge, despite y'know, me being male and actually having felt these feelings before.

You don't actually see men as human beings capable of actual emotions do you?

Idiot.

@Forfucksake84 you made it a long story. He's probably just waiting til the end of the weekish to see how you're fixed. Not a daily update. Being sensitive maybe?

It is incredibly simple. There is no need to Sherlock the situation. No reason whatsoever to ascribe mystical reasons.

If he wants to contact you, he will. if he wants to see you he will be absolutely sure to let you know it. End.

If you keep chasing him he will most likely keep ignoring you and you will feel worse. If you don't chase him any more he may or may not get back to you.

Leave it. Do not chase him at all.

If he gets back to you with an excuse you're willing to tolerate, try again but be aware that this is setting the tone for your entire relationship. He's at best lazy and a bit disinterested now, in the honeymoon period. This is as good as it gets.

Decide on your own boundaries and implement them.

Three dates is absolutely fine. My body count (before I got remarried) was not even into double figures and even I know that.

Yep

Self sabotage. Inevitably ending up here encouraging everyone not to bother with men.

Correct.

She seems to place more importance on whether he's being a text buddy than actually making a clear plan to see him again.

He said he wanted to see her again and asked her to say when. It's really not difficult. Pick a day and get on with your life.

The op said she should be free to meet Saturday and all she got was a heart react.

His correct response should have been "Great, what do you fancy doing?"

Can"t believe the people on here saying the ball is in her court. How exactly?