He's gone quiet after sex

[Forfucksake84]

I've been on 3 dates with a guy I met online, and on the last date we slept together. He had been very consistent in his messages up until then with 'how was your day' type texts. The night after we had sex he texted saying he couldn't wait to see me again and I replied the next day asking when he was free. He said he was free this weekend and that I would have to let him know which day was best. (This was sunday) I didn't hear anything else from him like I usually would so I text him on Tuesday asking how his day was and letting him know that my children were ill and that I would have to confirm about the weekend if he still wants to meet up. He replied saying he still does and that we should just play it by ear re the children. So I said I would let him know. I've still not heard anything else from him...his communication level has definitely dropped off since Sunday morning...despite him seeming keen beforehand. What should my next move be?

Ok...it could just be that he's busy. Alternatively, you have to face reality.

After the first sex people (both men and women) sometimes decide that they don't want to continue the 'relationship' for whatever reason - sex not good, bad smells, dirty bedlinen, hairy bum, pushy behaviour etc. There are many....

Most guys find a harsh cut off difficult, so maybe he's being polite and doing the slow retreat. Let's hope he's just busy.

You did say you'd let him know so I'm guessing he's waiting for you to reach out

Anyone half interested would have replied something like "that sounds good, let me know". OP did say "if you're available", so that was the guy's cue to say yes or no. At least in 24 hours it'll either be a date lined up or he'll be binned.

Could you ring him up?

You said should be free. Let him know kids are fine, you are free. Ask what time is he free. Ask a direct question. If he doesn't answer then you know he's cooling it for whatever reason and you can move on.

Thursday 11.30 he sends out a fishing message. He doesn’t really care how your girls are. He doesn’t move quickly to
lock down a date for this weekend. How much effort does a 💖 emoji take?

Sorry.

No move. He's ghosting/breadcrumbing. There's precisely nothing.to be done, chasing him will still result in him ignoring you, bit with more embarrassment for you.

If by some miracle he's not doing what it's obvious he's doing he'll get on touch and explain himself.

Just leave it and mentally prepare to move on.

People will always. Always. Take the time to let you know they are interested if they are. Saying nothing is, in fact, communicating.

If you need to resolve this quickly send a message along the lines:

Are we still meeting? If not, no problem. Would be great to see you again, but, if not, all the best x

Men love it when a woman sounds cool. Desperation never attracts.

Yep. Sorry.

He wouldn't leave you hanging if he was really keen, I think trust your gut.
If he does come back, it might not be a date on his mind, but hoping you'll deliver yourself over to his last minute. Think what you want from this.

Delete his number and ignore his messages

Don't contact him again, op, wait and see if he makes further contact and if he suggests meeting up and when. Then make your mind up whether or not you want to be available.

I know it is hard but - it is like that sometimes I'm afraid. Men are all over you and then back off, It happens often.

Best to be bright, breezy and independent. You don't really know him anyway.

I waited 4 months once
4 months of continuous banter and flirting
I'd known him for years before this started too
Slept with him
Slow fade
You just can't tell how these things will go no matter how you long you wait

Maybe he thinks you’re making excuses about your children being ill? He could take that as a way of you being able to give him the brush off.

Agree it’s slightly odd communication though.

I think you don’t know him well enough to reads into this. He’s not ghosting you, he might be super busy & mindful of you saying you’ve got sick kids / sounds like you’re blowing cold. Just say what you want don’t try to game it

Jesus. Why are so many men only after one thing? It's really quite depressing.

I've literally told him I've available and made it clear I'm interested in seeing him again

Came here to say exactly the same- you said SHOULD be. Stop worrying- just text him Friday day saying what are the plans for tomorrow as I’m free

I’d message him and say are we on for Sat? You’ve nothing to loose

I sense a slow fade coming on. I think you come over too keen tbh. He should be the one pinning you down for a date. You come over a bit keen to me.

Message him again. Ask if he is free at x time on Saturday afternoon.

Wait for reply. If it is a yes, say great, why don’t we go for a walk up x park or by the canal or go for a coffee.

If he backs out you 100% know he’s a player.

Tbh, sounds like you really like him, if he really liked you he would be hanging on your every text.

Throw him back, he sounds stereotypical love bomber knob to get his end away. Sorry x

But if they're only after sex and they know they'll have more sex if they keep seeing you - why would they end it? It just doesn't make sense.

Ah I'm sorry.

Maybe it'll work out and he'll come back full throttle.

But with dating, sometimes people just kind of disappear on you. Maybe an ex comes back on the scene, they just go off you, they meet someone they like more, they have a problem with commitment, undisclosed personal problem... chances are you never get to know. I think ghosting is pretty selfish and immature so if he does fade away you've dodged a bullet.

The good thing is that 3 dates in, you'll look back in a year or so and feel neutral about it.

I think it depends on what he's looking for. If he just wants a casual relationship he might be in touch with other women.

Or it might be that he doesn't yet know when he can see you at the weekend and will text you eventually to let you know.

If it was me, I'd text on Friday evening if he hadn't got in touch and ask.

If he ghosts/says he can't see you go out with your friends or enjoy a bit of time on your own

He probably sent the last message because he’s pretending to himself that he’s a good guy.