Would you let husband play golf every Saturday?

[oviewan]

I say every Saturday as that is what it feels like. It's just what I know since being with my husband.

At first it didn't bother me too much, we would fall out now and again as I guess I felt like it took priority. He explained that he works so much that it is his respite and he needed to have that release.

But, we now have a 3 year old who loves spending time with their daddy.

When they were a baby, I didn't mind much. There had been times though that he still went to golf if I had been poorly or up or night which again, made us argue.

I am a stay at home mum, so I feel like I'm on the fence here. Should he get every Saturday to go and play golf? He leaves 7-8am and isn't usually home until 3ish.

Or should he be spending the weekend with his family? I just don't know any other father who does this. But then, I am lucky to stay at home which is what I want to do. I hardly get any respite myself; but apparently it's different...

What are your thoughts?

I should add; I have suggested he plays midweek one week, and a Saturday the next. So he alternates it to having a full weekend off with family.

No. This is why I would not have considered marrying a golfer. So, so selfish.

Sounds like he has it all

I think its really selfish. My sibling has the same. She says he works hard for them.... I dont agree with it unless the other person gets a rest on sundays.

I wouldn’t be happy with this at all. Unless you get Sunday to yourself?

why does he think his leisure time is more important than yours?

Same its golf.

Have you suggested you take 7-8hours for yourself every Sunday? If not, you should. See how he reacts.

Of course you wouldn’t do that bc you feel responsible for and most probably want to be with your child. But maybe once a month…?

What if, when he played golf on a Saturday, I had a day off due to my parents having our child? So, we were both having a day off as such.

Because he sees it that he works and she doesn’t!!!

My partner is a golfer. I'm happy for him to play every weekend but bloody hell it doesn't take from 7am to 3pm! Even 18 holes is generally under 3 hours. Tell him to get home for 6am, knock the drinks off after and come home for lunch! Or compromise at play 9 rather than 18

If you have a child free day, could you go together?

Nope. He needs to take responsibility for the child he fathered and be a parent!

He plays an hour away so that adds to the time!

No.

I was in a similar position, and it was a contributing factor in the breakdown of my marriage. He started playing golf when dd was a toddler. In the end, I felt pretty much like a lone parent.

Did he want children? Doesn’t seem like he’s invested in family life. When do you get your ‘release’ exactly?

I would be telling him to find a course nearer and play 9 rather than 18

How do these men who become fathers and spend all day at the fucking office justify and get away with even more time spent away from their partners and children at the weekends?! EVERY weekend?!

Would I let husband play golf every Saturday? Well I wouldn't want to have to give my significant other permission to do anything really. But would I marry and have children with someone who would rather play golf (or any other hobby or activity) every week for a whole day where we would otherwise have time together/be able to do useful family tasks/give each other time off? Nah.
It's all that works for you though. What you want, what they want, what feels "fair". I think it's important to acknowledge that as part of a family unit you would ideally like all parties to WANT to spend time together and not excuse themselves elsewhere.

He's just sent me this.

"not the 3rd aug

not the 10th aug

with you in turkey on 17th aug

no on 24th Aug

no on 31st Aug

Will play on 7th Sept

Will play on 14th Sept

no on 21st Sept

yes on 28th Sept"

'Let' is an interesting word, can't see that going down well in negotiations. Whether he should or not is the question. One would sort of hope he wouldn't want to in favour of spending time with his young family but that's some men for you...
I've witnessed worse, with (horrible loud) friends of friends' husbands sodding off on v expensive golfing trips with their buddies to La Manga etc on a regular basis, presumably at the expense of their families which made me feel a bit sick and profoundly grateful that I had a lovely, selfless Dad who put his kids first.

I didn't mean to drip feed but he has always stated it's for his mental health (he has suffered in the past quite badly). But that was a long time ago now, and I just think he doesn't need to go every week.

Get yourself a hobby!
DH and I have got various hobbies that have engaged us for varying amounts of time over the years, but it didn’t stop us having a family. DC now does at least 3 of the hobbies that we did, but is considerate to their partner, who also has time to do their things.
DC is fully independent of us, so our hobbies take up lots more of our time - I am certainly not sat at home hand wringing about how much time DH spends out and about, as I am out and about too! Healthy relationship, great for mental health too.

I didn't even think about how I put it. 'Let' etc. I didn't mean it in a controlling way at all. Didn't think about it that deeply.

Nope

But what are you doing for yourself OP? Being a stay at home mum is physically , mentally and emotionally draining - you love your kids, but it just is. Would he be happy for you to leave him to parent for hours at a time each week? Again, if not why not? What about YOUR mental health?

Edited due to autocorrect