Would you let husband play golf every Saturday?

[oviewan]

I say every Saturday as that is what it feels like. It's just what I know since being with my husband.

At first it didn't bother me too much, we would fall out now and again as I guess I felt like it took priority. He explained that he works so much that it is his respite and he needed to have that release.

But, we now have a 3 year old who loves spending time with their daddy.

When they were a baby, I didn't mind much. There had been times though that he still went to golf if I had been poorly or up or night which again, made us argue.

I am a stay at home mum, so I feel like I'm on the fence here. Should he get every Saturday to go and play golf? He leaves 7-8am and isn't usually home until 3ish.

Or should he be spending the weekend with his family? I just don't know any other father who does this. But then, I am lucky to stay at home which is what I want to do. I hardly get any respite myself; but apparently it's different...

What are your thoughts?

Savage 😂😂

Your resentment is justified OP. I missed the part about him playing with his dad - maybe ask him if he thinks the father-son relationship with his own dad is more special/important than the one he has with his own child? It certainly seems to be his priority

@oviewan @Sceptical123 he obviously has some kind of bond with his dad. Encourage him to develop a bond with his child. Could he take the toddler to baby golf with his dad and give you some time off?

Exactly this! No wonder marriage doesn't work these days when there seems to be a huge amount of woman 'not allowing' their husband to have a hobby.
It's hardly going out on the lash and clubbing all night. A healthy hobby, and they've got a cheek to moan when it's 1 dy per week. God help anyone who wants to go for a cycle or a swim or thw gym or anything. Instead woman expect them to be glued to their hip doing boring stuff all day.....and yet don't think for a second that maybe it's them who needs to get a hobby and stop being so needy.

Maybe if my partner got paid for golf id be okay with it 😂😂

It is a shame for your little one to miss out on time with her dad at weekends. Those years are so precious.. My DH gave up his football season ticket when we had our kids. He preferred to spend time with them.

My own dad worked all Saturday and didn't get home until 2 am on Sunday so we didn't have a lot of family time. He did, however take me with him when he decided to take up golf and we even had lessons together (I was about 14 at the time). Maybe in years to come your DH can involve your daughter in his hobby.

My husband has played golf all his life as do all the males in his family. He plays every Saturday without fail (unless we are out for the day at an occasion) he also plays most Sunday mornings and once in the week. My 2 boys are older now and they started golf at about the age of 5 and they play about 4 times a week each! My life focuses around golf, it always has and always will. I used to get annoyed but I’m used to it now and actually enjoy the social side of it with other golfers wives. Whenever we have had words about playing and he hasn’t gone he’s moaned and sulked so it’s just easier if he went

I'd tell him that he's getting up with your 3yo on Friday and Saturday nights, and if he still has the energy for his Saturday golf, fine.

Your post reminded me of this:

www.instagram.com/reel/CzLx3fduXDe/?igsh=Z2IwNGl6Mm1wbGtj

Bloody hell some of these replies are insane.

I am a stay at home mother, who has in fact completed a degree in the first year of babies life. I am not 'needy' nor do I need to 'get a life' or 'be entertained.'

I love being a mum. I am out and about every day doing things with my child.

I don't have a hobby, never have done. I have ADHD, medicated but I still have never had a hobby but been happy! I go for lovely walks and coffees 😀

I have never said that I'd stop my husband from playing golf or enjoying his hobby.

My main concern here is for our child. I want him to be more present for her. She asks for him a lot, and is desperate to be with him.

And yes, I am shattered. Where is my respite though? Surely I don't need a hobby to have respite?

I have actually sent this to him before haha

So it's not even a family activity. It's literally him putting golf first. Man child.

If he's not putting you first on Sunday then it's not fair. I still think EoW should be enough. It's not about letting. It's priorities and you and your kid should be the top one.

I wish I never used the word 'let'! I didn't mean for it to come across so controlling. He gets to do anything he wants to, same as I do too! But all I am asking for is for him to spend some weekends with his family! Not to stop fully.

I think he has listened to me but will speak tomorrow and see what we can discuss.

No you should get help and respite.

The problem is that there is only one grown-up in your house - you.

Your husband is an overgrown teenager who sees you as the default parent and your shared child as your hobby.

There's lots of men like this - they'll help out occasionally when pushed but secretly they don't really see children/family life as their gig.

I cant see the issue with that. Coming back for 3pm is hardly the whole Saturday and he gets to enjoy a hobby. I would encourage my other half to do something they love- end of day this is not only a plus for him but for the relationship. I would start resenting a partner that has an issue with me enjoying a hobby. Especially something harmless- if you said he is in the pub every Saturday and comes back home totally drunk and wasted- then ok you have a point, but it is not the case.
If you want to enjoy one of your own- talk to him and make the arrangements.

Maybe the issue is with me then as I see 3pm very late in the day. DD has dinner 5ish then it's bed time routine! So, 2 hours but then not really as I have to make dinner too...

Nope. My husband thought this would happen but it was never going to. The problem is it’s so long winded, an hour or two is way more doable but it takes all day and has a huge hit on family life. My husband now hasn’t played that bloody game for years now, it’s excellent.

Seeing their child as the mother’s ‘hobby’ is excellently put 👏🏻

I think it all comes down to fairness. So, after work, childcare and chores are done leisure time should be the same. I would argue you having EOW for an activity for 6 hours and him having the same is fair, it doesn't actually matter what you're both doing. The golf isn't too much if you're getting the same amount of leisure time, and you're both happy with the amount of family time left.

How about you arrange for a nice take away or prep dinner (perhaps he does 😉) in advance so you get to enjoy the evening relaxing together? Just a thought

Not healthy to live in each others pockets, but from what you are saying, you and your husband don't even have a marriage. You sound more like flatmates.

This is unfair. Will you think the same if you are left to raise a family alone 95% of the week? It's not fair for the kids first of all, never mind the poor OP who has to be step in as a full timeMum 6 days a week.

Which sounds like a favour to OP, fortunately for her I think she said she was happy doing this, but I’m sure her husband wouldn’t have wanted the roles reversed! And what would the alternative be - childcare - it’s likely he prefers his wife to be the one looking after their child and doesn’t see the huge favour she is doing for their family (-him) herself. Like a PP said earlier, men like him look on child-rearing as the woman’s hobby, so they are entitled to pursue their own when not at work.

It’s all this talk of needing and being owed all this time to themselves to relax - but the mums don’t need this bc being with their children is the only pleasure/reward they could possibly desire. Why have a family in the first place?

I don’t think you get to ‘let’ another grown up do anything. You can discuss it and set your boundaries but you can’t dictate their actions.

I think the word ‘let’ is fast becoming OP’s least favourite word 🙄😖 she’s said many times she regrets using it and didn’t mean it in that context.