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Original poster

Why didn’t I meet my Brother-in-law first

305 replies

Anonymous546 · 11/07/2024 09:31

I feel awful even writing this because I know that it is so wrong. I have gone back and forth on it but decided to try to get some outside opinions.

My brother in law (my husband’s brother) is a really nice person and started paying me a lot of compliments a few months ago when a family member passed away.
He was saying how beautiful and awesome I am and has said this a few times now.
I think he is just being nice as he’s said it in front of the rest of the family and hasn’t truly said anything inappropriate.
We send messages back and forth occasionally but never anything inappropriate. He’s just really nice and always saying sweet things.

He bought me a little gift which I thought was for my daughter at first (a little stuffed bear) and he said it was for Valentine’s Day. I was a little surprised because I didn’t expect to get anything like that from him. It could have just been a nice gesture, right?

Well.. I seem to have developed some feelings for him and I’m trying my best to just let it go because obviously I’m married to his brother. We’ve discovered that we have quite a bit in common lately.
But I have made it a point not to message him in the last 3 weeks or so.
The last time we saw each other at a family get together we talked a lot.. just the two of us.

My relationship with my husband has been kind of rocky (we have some ups and downs pretty regularly) even before this came about. I don’t know how to get back to how it was a long time ago and I feel like he gets angry or stressed really easily sometimes and it’s hard to have a conversation with him at times.

Do I need to just suppress any feelings that have come up? I feel like the answer is.. of course I do. Any advice on how to do that?

OP posts:
EddieMunson · 11/07/2024 09:33

He doesn’t sound like a great man if he’s cracking on to his brothers wife…

timetobegin · 11/07/2024 09:34

Well you’re married so obviously you can’t have an emotional affair. The BIL bit is just extra drama.

Moonshiners · 11/07/2024 09:36

God he sounds awful. What sort of a bastard comes on to his brothers wife.
If you're unhappy with your husband by all means in the relationship however do not get together with his slimy brother.

DaisyChainsandSunnyDays · 11/07/2024 09:36

OP give your head a wobble. if you marriage is not a happy one focus on sorting it out or leaving but no not go anywhere near BIL

TheShellBeach · 11/07/2024 09:38

You need to sort out your marriage, not have an affair with your husband's brother.

ShillingForLabour · 11/07/2024 09:40

Your husband and brother in law have probably had a competitive relationship since they were kids and each feels hard done by when the other has something and each wants to gain what the other has.

The idea of you developing feelings for him is probably very satisfying, not because you are so amazing, but because it’s getting one over on his brother. He is charming you for some reasons of ego and if you got together with him, he would have all the downsides of your DH, which he currently hides from you so you believe he is the better catch.

You are getting caught up in his mind games.

Be objective.

Subfusc · 11/07/2024 09:40

Your head has been turned by a few compliments at a time when your marriage is shaky. BIL sounds like a goal sleaze — don’t you think it’s quite depressing that you find it appealing! Sort out your marriage or end it, but keep well away from your BIL in either case? I’d avoid family gatherings for a while, and not engage in messaging.

MintTwirl · 11/07/2024 09:40

OP sort yourself out. Concentrate on your marriage and ignore a man who seems to be coming on to his brothers wife, ask yourself, what kind of loser does that?

OrlandointheWilderness · 11/07/2024 09:41

Out of all the women in the world he couldn't find one that wasn't married to his brother?! Please tell me he's not married...
All of this is inappropriate. You bloody know that. Sort it out.

TemuSpecialBuy · 11/07/2024 09:42

What have I just read….
give yourself a stern slap and good talking to.

he brought you a cheap shitty cuddle bear that cost 30p to manufacture?
so what??????

use the time you are wasting to moon pie about your BIL to:

  • set up a family what’s app group with BIL your DH or whoever else on it
  • send bil a text telling him to messaging on the family what’s app on future.
  • plan a date night with your husband.

surely if BIL was so desirable you’d have noticed the magnetic attraction 6 years ago when you met him not in April this year 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Lostworlds · 11/07/2024 09:42

I think you’ve developed feelings because your marriage is rocky and you’re not happy at home. You like that he’s paid some attention to you and listens to you.

If you’re not happy then you need to focus on your relationship first and decide what you want to do there.
If you want to work at it then you need to inject some fun back in .Both plan date nights and spend some quality time together.

Remind yourself that your BIL is a no go.

JustPleachy · 11/07/2024 09:45

ShillingForLabour · 11/07/2024 09:40

Your husband and brother in law have probably had a competitive relationship since they were kids and each feels hard done by when the other has something and each wants to gain what the other has.

The idea of you developing feelings for him is probably very satisfying, not because you are so amazing, but because it’s getting one over on his brother. He is charming you for some reasons of ego and if you got together with him, he would have all the downsides of your DH, which he currently hides from you so you believe he is the better catch.

You are getting caught up in his mind games.

Be objective.

Totally this! OP you are just collateral damage in toxic sibling rivalry. Don’t let yourself be used like this.

MitskiMoo · 11/07/2024 09:46

Do you have any idea how badly this could end? Back off now. I wonder if there's sibling rivalry there, no decent brother instigates this with his DB's wife. Nothing inappropriate...sent a Valentne's gift! Get a grip.

separatedornot · 11/07/2024 09:48

wtf am I reading.

Grow up

TemuSpecialBuy · 11/07/2024 09:48

ShillingForLabour · 11/07/2024 09:40

Your husband and brother in law have probably had a competitive relationship since they were kids and each feels hard done by when the other has something and each wants to gain what the other has.

The idea of you developing feelings for him is probably very satisfying, not because you are so amazing, but because it’s getting one over on his brother. He is charming you for some reasons of ego and if you got together with him, he would have all the downsides of your DH, which he currently hides from you so you believe he is the better catch.

You are getting caught up in his mind games.

Be objective.

This is probably hitting the nail on the head actually

SamW98 · 11/07/2024 09:52

This is straight out of Eastenders- is your name Sharon by any chance?

OP - you know this is absolutely ridiculously inappropriate. You’re being groomed and played by your BIL. I agree with a PP, they’ve probably been in competition since they were kids and you’re just the latest pawn in their oneupmanship games.

Give your head a wobble and grow the fuck up - this has Jeremy Kyle written all over it

WhereIsMyLight · 11/07/2024 09:53

This reply has been deleted

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Sillystrumpet · 11/07/2024 09:54

Blimey where is Jeremy Kyle when you need him. How is this even a question op.

Surgarblossom · 11/07/2024 09:55

Sounds like the Ryan and Rodri Giggs story

Sillystrumpet · 11/07/2024 09:55

SamW98 · 11/07/2024 09:52

This is straight out of Eastenders- is your name Sharon by any chance?

OP - you know this is absolutely ridiculously inappropriate. You’re being groomed and played by your BIL. I agree with a PP, they’ve probably been in competition since they were kids and you’re just the latest pawn in their oneupmanship games.

Give your head a wobble and grow the fuck up - this has Jeremy Kyle written all over it

She’s not being bloody groomed. What a way to insult anyone who has been groomed.

DisforDarkChocolate · 11/07/2024 09:56

Honestly he sounds like a man trying to exploit you at a vulnerable time. You should be very glad you didn't meet him first.

MaryMack · 11/07/2024 09:57

He’s messing with you. He’s also disrespectful and creepy. Please take a step back and try to see this sleazy man for what he is - he’s trying to get one up on his brother and you’re just collateral damage.

LilacRaven · 11/07/2024 10:02

Can you think about your daughter please rather being so self indulgent.

How fucked up is all this on her!

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 11/07/2024 10:03

My brother in law (my husband’s brother) is a really nice person

Is he though? Or is he a horrible person for coming on to his brother's wife?

wiggleweggle · 11/07/2024 10:05

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 11/07/2024 10:03

My brother in law (my husband’s brother) is a really nice person

Is he though? Or is he a horrible person for coming on to his brother's wife?

This. In spades.

It sounds like you are lonely and feeling a bit low but this is not the answer.

Seriously, give your head a massive wobble