Found condoms - is it ever innocent?

[MissisK]

I found a box of unopened condoms in DH’s draw. We don’t use them and haven’t for literally years. Is there ever an innocent reason for him having them?

I don’t want to jump to conclusions but we’ve had a rocky marriage and lack of intimacy for years.

Why would he put them in his drawer when he knows I put the washing away and could quite likely find them. I will speak to him but need to get my head straight.

Oh now I naively never thought of that! 😆😆😆

Have you spoken to him op?
Are you ok?

@Starlight1979 @Mmhmmn I was sporting a cut-off condom on my leg once, fell badly on a scree. It was a girls trip. Which now made me re-think some things... 😂

I wonder if, when the number of condoms went down, he got away with saying he was modelling them for the new company and hadn't been given replacements yet?

He really wasn’t!

that’s what I’m saying/ there can be an innocent explanation.

Could you be any more patronising to the OP?? 🙄🙄

The simplest explanation is likely the right one. Either prostitutes or an affair.

If he's emptying his balls into the bought bodies of prostituted women, he may not see it as infidelity, but it speaks everything about him.

If it's an affair, his heart and mind is also elsewhere.

Decide what you want out of the rest of your life.

Photograph the evidence in situ in his drawer with his socks, in case he bins it.

See a solicitor and find out your rights.

Get clear on your financial situation.

Then speak to him. As others have said, there will be a tick list of excuses flung out. The poshwank, holding for someone else, intended for the conversation with the teen later on, someone put them there as a joke, they're old (explain the expiry date, then?) bla bla bla ...

Then say what is going to happen.

It's going to be hard but letting this trudge on will ultimately be harder.

He wanted you to find them is my guess.

Oh I, and others, think he really was … you’re very naive 😵‍💫

So the explanation I got was that he got them in the hope we’d use them, which we haven't. I believed that until this morning. Just noticed 2 are missing (probably from the last couple of weeks).

I really don’t know how to move forward from this. He tells me it’s innocent and that he’d never cheat. I genuinely feel like I’m going mad.

You have had great advice on here. Be brave. I would have to confront him, be calm, take control of the situation. Start asking yourself why are you with him, no sex, no intimacy, what is he giving you? Your self esteem must ne shattered, stop letting him do this to you. Good luck x

Have you asked why there are two missing?

Any of the possible reasons he has those condoms are not good news.

Unless you are OK to carry on living without intimacy and doing all his laundry etc while he goes elsewhere for sex.

There was a post on here recently. OP found Grindr on his phone. Read all the chats. He’d been popping out of the house for a few mins for sex in men’s cars amongst other meet ups with men.

I would start prepping to break up if it was me. But I suppose you could ask what he used the two for and enjoy the BS story he comes out with.

💐

Oh for goodness sake. Him not you, but a tiny bit you. OF COURSE he’s saying he’s innocent and he’d never cheat. Because that’s exactly what cheats do - they lie and try and persuade you black is white.

you aren’t going mad, you’re being lied to and the mad, sad feeling is anguish. Because your partner is a lying cheat and you have just had proof of it.

It’s as simple as that.

You tell him that you don’t believe him any more than he’d believe such a ridiculous excuse from anyone else, and say you’ve made this even worse by lying so blatantly and trying to take me for a fool. Then you ‘move forward’ by dumping him.

What's he said about the missing ones?

Ask him where the missing 2 are. He has no respect for you OP, he's leaves evidence of his affair practically right in front your face and then makes lame excuses believing that you'll happily put up with it because you have so far. He stays because who's going to pay the bills and wash his clothes if you don't?

If he wanted to use them with you then you'd have had some indication of that wouldn't you? Has he shown any vague interest in you at all? Not by the sounds of it.

He's a liar and a cheat and now he's making you doubt your own sanity.

You’re not going mad 💐

Ask him what’s happened with the other two. Then ask to see his phone, there and then, no walking off because he “can’t believe you don’t trust him” (as he will be clearing any evidence whilst he’s ‘cooling down’).
If he refuses to cooperate then unfortunately you do need to make the hard decision to leave. There’s no reason for anyone to have condoms unless they intend to use them, and he clearly has done.

I’m so sorry, I know this is hard, especially after you giving him the benefit of the doubt

Google "posh wank".

OP, also google Naïve 🙄

So sorry to hear your update.

As you know, it's time to decide how you feel and what to do.

Is this something you can tolerate or is it the final step too far?

Either way, take the time you need to process this information before you say anything.

Confide in a trusted person and lean on them for support.

Look after yourself first

This has been hanging over you since July … you know he’s cheating, whatever rubbish he tells you. I’m sorry you’re in this position.

If he's only used 2 since July then it's unlikely to be an affair. More likely to be prostitute use or occasional casual hook ups.

Bugger me! Where they pun on words 🤣