Found condoms - is it ever innocent?

[MissisK]

I found a box of unopened condoms in DH’s draw. We don’t use them and haven’t for literally years. Is there ever an innocent reason for him having them?

I don’t want to jump to conclusions but we’ve had a rocky marriage and lack of intimacy for years.

Why would he put them in his drawer when he knows I put the washing away and could quite likely find them. I will speak to him but need to get my head straight.

At least it’s forced you to confront the issues.

Was the “bugger me” deliberate or a brilliant accidental joke? 😂 Love it either way!

Haha that got me too!!

😀
It was deliberate - but also one of my favourite expressions of surprise at mad stuff I come across!

Why does everyone think he will deny?
He could well say "yes" and let OP deal with the whole divorce. Prepare yourself for every scenario.

What about a posh w@nk ?

It doesn't look good sorry

Considering you don’t use as a couple Unless he’s planning to use them as balloons then no there can’t be any other explanation. However you then have to ask your self would he be that stupid to leave them in a drawer at home. Perhaps subconsciously or may be even consciously he wanted you to find them

It does exist, I can’t be the only bloke who enjoys one.

A posh wank!!😂 never heard that before that's really tickled me😂

This posh wank thing. I cannot understand why any man would want to do that.

Apologies I haven't rtft yet but I wanted to share something. A few days ago I was about to do some painting and rummaged around my wardrobe for my old trousers and a condom fell out onto the floor. I was absolutely gobsmacked, I didn't know what to do or think for a while. Dh and i don't use them anymore. Then I remembered last time I wore the trousers I was deep cleaning and I asked DS to help move my bed so i could vacuum, as he ran up the stairs and I was pulling out boxes etc from under the bed I saw a condom had fallen down and I panicked and shoved it into my pocket. God knows how long it was there under the bed. I thought to myself how easy it would have been to sow a seed of doubt if it had been DHs trousers or if he had taken something from my shelf. I wouldn't have been able to explain at the time!

As others have said, "posh wanks" are a bullshit excuse which has been used by cheating men.

I read these threads and think ok, you are in a relationship with little intimacy. Is that sustainable for both of you? You can't just completely neglect a huge part of a relationship and expect nothing to happen. It's different if you are discussing it, engaging with each other about it and trying to work on it - finding condoms then would feel like a betrayal. But if you are both totally complacent with each other?

You missed the posts where the Op said the lack of intimacy is his choice.

And she has asked him to leave before but he’s refused.

@J0S fair enough, apologies I missed that OP.

Never innocent. Hope you’re ok ❤️

All strength to you OP. You know that a hard time lies ahead but that you and your DC will have a more content future. I hope he leaves without too much of a drama. I believe he has turned into what here Mumsnetters calla”cocklodger” — there, never thought I’d use that expression.
Good luck

Gah…agree he wanted you to find them. If you ignore he’ll view it as a tacit okay to play away. Glad your in a good position financially so dealing with this is awful, but not ruinous money wise.

It sounds like he wanted you to find them.
Good luck with talking to him, OP

It sounds very suspicious,

Especially the ''lack of intimacy''.

Sadly many men aren't happy with just 'sorting themselves out' and do look elsewhere for sex.

Definitely ask him outright.

{At least the box is unused}

No not innocent, and likely deliberate. Sorry OP.

On the plus side you can now liberate yourself from putting his clothes away, washing his clothes, and doing anything else around the house that benefits him.

What an absolute prick OP. When you confront him, you'll hear everything from "I'm holding them for a friend" to "I was just having posh wanks"
Don't argue with him. Just silently watch him squirm

Unlikely innocent but also odd if they remain unused. Obviously you need to bring it up but I imagine getting the truth isn't all that likely

Let this be the beginning of your new and happy life.