Found condoms - is it ever innocent?

[MissisK]

I found a box of unopened condoms in DH’s draw. We don’t use them and haven’t for literally years. Is there ever an innocent reason for him having them?

I don’t want to jump to conclusions but we’ve had a rocky marriage and lack of intimacy for years.

Why would he put them in his drawer when he knows I put the washing away and could quite likely find them. I will speak to him but need to get my head straight.

Her OH definitely is if he's sprinkled a couple of socks over them and thinks they're hidden.

I'd be tempted to replace them with an envelope containing divorce papers unless you don't want to address the reason why he is having sex with other people, or you're happy to accept it.

It would be unusual for a teenager NOT to have an interest in relationships. It’s more likely they feel it’s their private life that they don’t want to involve their parents in. It’s an intimate and private thing

Just remove them op and hide/throw out. See what his next move is.

Like other posters
take them say nothing-
get duck in a row
pretend you used one but hide them in your drawer and let him find them
if he says nothing take another one out and increase the singing and hiding of phone

Who stopped the sex?

I know you say the relationship has been rocky/no intimacy and he's otherwise a good man I say its for posh wanks.

If he's cheating or wants to, I'd say he wants you to find them so you kick him out. You've said you've given him ample opportunity to leave, but I've found men need to be kicked out so they can play the victim.

I found condoms hidden in my exes drawer. They were unopened, but had a very long expiry date and we didn't use them. A few weeks later they were open and one was missing. He denied it, but the signs were there, including a day where he said he was at work, but it was very obvious he hadn't been at work. I left a couple of weeks later, luckily we weren't married and didn't have kids.

I think this is your best approach. Take a photo of them, either unopened or count however many are in there. Say nothing for a while and check periodically so see if any have gone.

Then you can confront him safe in the knowledge that he will not be able to gaslight you into believing some crap.

Does your partner travel with work? Sometimes men take them on work trips - or to see prostitutes. Any other suspicious signs that he might be having an affair?

It doesn't look good, especially as he's disengaged.

The only idea I could think of possibly being - does he have any sex toys or interest in sex toys that could be used with a condom?

My husband has a cheap pack in a drawer to use on certain toys - particularly those that go in his ass - as the condoms make them easier to lubricate and clean off. It's a regular part of our sex life, and he also uses them on his own.

If he isn't into pegging/prostate massage/similar or shown interest before, then...I'm out of any additional innocent ideas and would warn against another potential excuse of wanting to use them to 'spice things up'.

Unless he's recreating the episode of New Tricks and the arsonist (which is also cause for concern) I can't think of another reason for a man to carry condoms. Sorry.

Maybe lack.of intimacy over a long period became too much for him. No innocent reason I can think of.

I’d have taken them out of the drawer and put them on the side in the kitchen and taken it from there

Have you spoken to him op?

Dont be silly. You cant ask him for the truth, why else is it posted on here?!

Has he bought them because he's hoping to rekindle a sexual relationship with you?

'Posh wank'? Seriously?? It's not a thing.
Likewise with the 'hide them, move them, take one' etc etc ideas - what does it achieve?
Have the talk now, take no BS, be ready for the worst. If he's not (yet) playing away, he's preparing for it and wants to.

Agree the posh wank is nonsense.

You'll probably never get the truth out of him so as a PP suggested, replace them with divorce papers.

I honestly don't know if a posh wank even exists?
It sounds more like an urban myth..and what a stupid bloody name anyway 🤨

Saves having to clear up afterwards. Its cleaner than using a sock but quite an extravagance.

He's letting you know that no sex for many years is not enough for him, and that he can and will get it elsewhere if nothing changes. (I assume as the box is unopened, he hasn't actually done anything with anyone. It's a warning shot across the bow if you like.) Whether leaving condoms out is a spiteful move by him to upset you, or a last ditch desperate attempt by to make you realise how important a full marriage with you is to him, only you can tell.

Your H is either paying for sex or is having an affair. You need to decide what you want to do in either eventuality, then tell him you know and what you want to happen next. Be prepared though, if it's an affair he may be looking for the opportunity to leave (hence his carelessness) so be prepared for things to move very fast after the conversation and have plans in place.