Found condoms - is it ever innocent?

[MissisK]

I found a box of unopened condoms in DH’s draw. We don’t use them and haven’t for literally years. Is there ever an innocent reason for him having them?

I don’t want to jump to conclusions but we’ve had a rocky marriage and lack of intimacy for years.

Why would he put them in his drawer when he knows I put the washing away and could quite likely find them. I will speak to him but need to get my head straight.

Good luck OP, it’s going to be a difficult conversation and a tough road ahead but you deserve better than this 💐

See him? Probably once or week or so. I don't try and catch him at it but we are both open about discussing masturbation and both do it frequently. I'm sure he does it a good few times a week but I don't see him every time.

Do you do all the housework op? Does he have a cushy life?

Then that is your answer.

It all sounds rather grim.

As others have said, wait & see if he opens the box, then count them.

No . I found some today . He admitted it and left . Sorry that you will go through this too @MissisK

devastated family here . We had been together 40 years .

And to add - we last had sex initiated by him 96 hours before he left . And three days before that too . STI check booked

It doesn't look good, but if you have a 13+yo son I wouldn't completely rule out the possibility that they're for a conversation with him. It's about the right time to have the chat - you mention he's not into relationships but you do need to catch them before that point! Making sure he has condoms handy AND encouraging practice putting them on before he starts being interested in sex is good parenting.

Oh, @NYE2023 💐

And @MissisK this is a horrible time. But no, not innocent imo

If you’re UK-based it’s now Monday morning. Have you had the talk with him? If so I do hope you got some answers & that you’re ok. From your posts you sounded pretty grounded but these things can be unnerving. Time to put your brave pants on!

Bugger me, this thread has taken a turn.
This stuff is news to me.
To be frank, if my DH was shoving things up his arse, with or without me being there, I would not be staying!
But each to his/her own...

What kind of a question is that?? Why the hell would you want to know
There are some very weird people on this thread

Photo then confront.

You need to clarify so you can decide what to do. Being in limbo and speculating is draining.

I haven't read any replies because, frankly, your opening post tells the story.

You have a rocky marriage, you haven't been intimate for years and found a box of current condoms in his drawer. What do you think men buy condoms for?

Where are the condoms OP? If you sleep together and he is using your bed to shag other women, I would go the same day I found that out.

Have you not used condoms for years because you’ve not had sex for years or because you don’t use that form of contraception?
could it be that he wants to start the sexual side of your marriage back up and he’s hoping this will be a conversation starter.
it’s a shit way of doing it though

you say you are in a sexless marriage with problems whether or not he is cheating which is unlikely considering these are unopened unless he has more, but I would say as he put them in a place you would access, maybe he is not happy either and is trying to get a reaction? maybe you need to have a conversation about your futures and if you can carry on with this relationship

Hope you"re OK @MissisK

I think it's better to bide your time and write down a list of all the things you'll need to do when you split up and even start a few of them. He's not going to think much if you do a massive declutter is he?
Put the number of a recommended family law solicitor in your phone.

Just take baby steps towards where you're probably headed. That way, you feel less like all the rugs where ripped from under you.

This.

Of course, so mentally take a few small decisions along the inevitable path.

What's awful is having to tell people when you're really upset.

Have a think about what would be more likely. You staying in the house? Him staying in the house,?

Think things through. Formulate your own action plan. Get the numbers. Get the quotes. That way you feel a bit more empowered and less scared to declare time of death on the marriage.

Me too! I love the way this is casually chucked in 😁
But so sorry OP -unless it is in the hope that your sex life will resume, or to make you jealous in the hope you will do the pick/me dance, it first look innocent.
But I agree about just asking him, not playing games with removing one etc.

It's not you love, he will be the same in future relationships given enough time, unless he shaks up with a blow up doll who he can't offend.

A man cannot offend a blow up doll, but he will always let them down........

They're for Balloon animals :)

Are you sure your son hasn't put them there worried incase you found them in his room?
A friend of mine accused her DH of having an affair as 2 condoms had disappeared from the bedside drawer, he denied this however there was no other explanation, when explaining to DD what had happened she then confessed to her taken them.

Yep. This definitely