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Original poster

HELP. Am I being manipulated here or not?

204 replies

Anon645 · 03/07/2024 07:12

Hi,
Looking for some advice here as to whether or not this sounds dodgy or not to others.

A man from my past and I have recently got close again. Two weeks ago he expressed in his own words that 'we work well together' and that 'he knows he likes me because I'm pretty, kind , he is comfortable with me and we go well together. ' These were HIS words. And he expressed he was very open to dating me.

On the weekend we watched a film at his house and were intimate. He has since informed me that he is sleeping with other people ... I am disgusted at this as I only ever am intimate with one person at a time and I NEVER would have agreed to intimacy if I'd known he was being intimate with others. I feel conned. He said it was my fault for not asking beforehand as he'd never promised exclusivity.

Anyway despite feeling annoyed/disgusted I thought maybe he did have a point that I hadn't checked we were exclusive before intimacy (even though he was telling me how much he liked me and wanted to date which implied he was only interested in me )

I have asked him if we can be exclusive now. He has no as in his words 'he needs a best friend who can give him mind blowing sex '. He said the sex was very good but not mind blowing. He said that if I listen to him during sex and improve my blowjobs on him (sorry tmi] then he'll consider being exclusive . He said he wants to contine dating me. But in the meantime he will only date me non exclusively until this is achieved as brilliant sex is so important to him to just settle.

Is he in the right here? Or am I being manipulated ? What would you all do? Please advise me.

OP posts:
DisplayPurposesOnly · 03/07/2024 07:13

Tell him to jog on.

DanceForeverUnderTheLights · 03/07/2024 07:17

This man will erode your self-esteem and trample all over your boundaries. Drop him like a rock.

EnterFunnyNameHere · 03/07/2024 07:18

I'm not sure it's manipulation... more he sounds like a total bellend! But hey, he's waving a big red flag for you nice and early so you can get out before you're committed- that's nice of him. Throw this one back OP, would a relationship with him even look like? Constantly on tenterhooks I'm case your performance isn't up to scratch?

Gelasring · 03/07/2024 07:19

Bloody hell op. He's awful. Genuinely, I think you need some kind of therapy if you can't see that. I think you're in danger of being treated terribly or even abusively if you can't see how horrible this man is.

olympicsrock · 03/07/2024 07:20

Yuck - what a horrible man. Have more self esteem. You can do better than this.

MagpiePi · 03/07/2024 07:21

After I'd stopped laughing in his face, I'd probably give him a list of how he could improve in bed and then drop him like a hot rock.

TemuSpecialBuy · 03/07/2024 07:22

Your first mistake was
I have asked him if we can be exclusive now.

You should have dumped him

Your second mistake was listening to his "feedback" on your bjs in the hope you meet his standards and he bestows the "gift" of a conditional and probably abusive relationship on you if you jump through enough hoops.

Block and delete.
Get some therapy and work out why you don't value yourself or think you are worth real care and love. 💐

Wishimaywishimight · 03/07/2024 07:22

I think he sounds great 🤣

Seriously, tell him to fuck right off. He's auditioning you to be his girlfriend and treating himself like a grand prize you need to work towards. Enlighten him!

Brooklyn70 · 03/07/2024 07:22

Please tell us you’re not planning to see this man ever again.
how can you even contemplate anything other than that?

Changingplace · 03/07/2024 07:23

I would tell him to piss off and have nothing more to do with him, he sounds vile.

Tell him you’re not interested then block him on everything and get yourself an STI test too.
,

Tombero · 03/07/2024 07:27

Good lord! He sounds awful. Why would you ever want to see him again?

Doyoumind · 03/07/2024 07:29

It's not manipulation, it's abuse and exploitation.

Shantibaba · 03/07/2024 07:29

DanceForeverUnderTheLights · 03/07/2024 07:17

This man will erode your self-esteem and trample all over your boundaries. Drop him like a rock.

This.

Olika · 03/07/2024 07:29

This man is shit. You need to end it with him. Don't waste your life with a moron like him.

Giggorata · 03/07/2024 07:30

Wow, someone thinks he's such a catch.
What an absolute wankstain.

I would tell him no thank you and block.
Wouldn't even bother retaliating with a list of sexual - and overall character - improvements for him.
And get an STI check.

FunIsland · 03/07/2024 07:33

This isn’t manipulation, he’s literally telling you what he wants. I mean, the man’s an A grade arsehole who doesn’t seem to have any redeeming features whatsoever and for some reason you’re accepting that, but he isn’t manipulating you unless there’s a lot more to this than you’ve described.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 03/07/2024 07:33

MagpiePi · 03/07/2024 07:21

After I'd stopped laughing in his face, I'd probably give him a list of how he could improve in bed and then drop him like a hot rock.

Edited

God yes. The privilege of being allowed to date this prince with some blow job tuition.
I wouldn’t touch it again even with tweezers

Rockschooldropout · 03/07/2024 07:33

I can’t believe you have to ask tbh ..
Do you really think that little of yourself ?
Id have replied that it was difficult to give a blowjob to a man with such a tiny dick , then told him to jeff off …

Ilovelurchers · 03/07/2024 07:34

He is a horrible man OP. Not so much the exclusive thing - I do think he has a point that a lot of people these days, men AND women, are comfortable with multiple sexual partners until they explicitly agree commitment.

But the comment on your sexual technique is disgusting and quite degrading actually. As if he thinks you are just some toy that has to precisely meet his needs. Fuck that.

How was the sex for you? Was it mind blowing?

If not, tell him to improve his technique! Then delete and block, as others have suggested.

Oh, and I don't think this is a reflection of you having low self esteem that this has happened at all. It just a reflection of him being an utter fucking dick.

Reducti · 03/07/2024 07:35

You’re being manipulated and he sounds gross. Ew. RUN.

CuriousGeorge80 · 03/07/2024 07:37

Jesus he’s just a proper little twat isn’t he. No need to define the behaviour. Just tell him to piss off.

Theweepywillow · 03/07/2024 07:38

Cmon where’s your self esteem. What happened to you your bar is in the gutter. Improve your blow jobs and he will consider it, ffs . Tell him to do one

Brainworm · 03/07/2024 07:38

What do you want in a partner OP? How does he match up to this?

Your post is all about him, and his wants and choices.

You have said you want exclusivity. He isn't offering that, and so it sounds like he's not for you - regardless of anything else.

It sounds as though you have placed yourself in a position of putting him and his wants in the centre of the relationship, and he has done the same. In situations like this, you need to be the one to put yourself front and centre as he isn't.

A 'non negotiable' for me in a relationship is someone who listens to me and understands me. I also only have exclusive relationships. I am happy to learn about what is sexually pleasing to my partner, I want this from them too. We can go this within the context of an exclusive relationship. If they don't want this, it's not a relation I would maintain.

Original poster
Anon645 · 03/07/2024 07:42

Thankyou so much everyone, you've really boosted me up! Been feeling shitty about it and not good enough etc.

Can I ask - is it my fault for being intimate with him without asking were we exclusive beforehand ? I (stupidly) assumed we were exclusive as he was telling me how much he liked me and wanted to date me, so I assumed that as he was allegedly so into me that he'd only be being intimate with me. He says it's entirely my fault for not checking beforehand. Whereas as I said above given all the things he was saying about us, he gave no impression he wanted anyone but me so why would i have though to ask..?

So is it my fault for not clarifying ?

For me being intimate with more than one person is a big no no for me personally. And now I feel dirty as if I've been tricked into doing it. I feel duped into it. I never would have consented if I knew the truth. I feel angry he didn't tell me beforehand he was being intimate with others to allow me to make a truly informed decision. Instead he hid it from me. But he's saying its all my fault for assuming and not asking beforehand.
Is he right? Am I right ?

OP posts:
BowlOfNoodles · 03/07/2024 07:43

Anon645 · 03/07/2024 07:12

Hi,
Looking for some advice here as to whether or not this sounds dodgy or not to others.

A man from my past and I have recently got close again. Two weeks ago he expressed in his own words that 'we work well together' and that 'he knows he likes me because I'm pretty, kind , he is comfortable with me and we go well together. ' These were HIS words. And he expressed he was very open to dating me.

On the weekend we watched a film at his house and were intimate. He has since informed me that he is sleeping with other people ... I am disgusted at this as I only ever am intimate with one person at a time and I NEVER would have agreed to intimacy if I'd known he was being intimate with others. I feel conned. He said it was my fault for not asking beforehand as he'd never promised exclusivity.

Anyway despite feeling annoyed/disgusted I thought maybe he did have a point that I hadn't checked we were exclusive before intimacy (even though he was telling me how much he liked me and wanted to date which implied he was only interested in me )

I have asked him if we can be exclusive now. He has no as in his words 'he needs a best friend who can give him mind blowing sex '. He said the sex was very good but not mind blowing. He said that if I listen to him during sex and improve my blowjobs on him (sorry tmi] then he'll consider being exclusive . He said he wants to contine dating me. But in the meantime he will only date me non exclusively until this is achieved as brilliant sex is so important to him to just settle.

Is he in the right here? Or am I being manipulated ? What would you all do? Please advise me.

Oh I'd never speak to him ever again 🚫 but not because of him having other sexual partners ( you shouid of asked about that beforehand if it's a requirement ) telling you to improve sexually? Was wild after one encounter he doesn't respect you. Learn from this.