HELP. Am I being manipulated here or not?

[Anon645]

Hi,
Looking for some advice here as to whether or not this sounds dodgy or not to others.

A man from my past and I have recently got close again. Two weeks ago he expressed in his own words that 'we work well together' and that 'he knows he likes me because I'm pretty, kind , he is comfortable with me and we go well together. ' These were HIS words. And he expressed he was very open to dating me.

On the weekend we watched a film at his house and were intimate. He has since informed me that he is sleeping with other people ... I am disgusted at this as I only ever am intimate with one person at a time and I NEVER would have agreed to intimacy if I'd known he was being intimate with others. I feel conned. He said it was my fault for not asking beforehand as he'd never promised exclusivity.

Anyway despite feeling annoyed/disgusted I thought maybe he did have a point that I hadn't checked we were exclusive before intimacy (even though he was telling me how much he liked me and wanted to date which implied he was only interested in me )

I have asked him if we can be exclusive now. He has no as in his words 'he needs a best friend who can give him mind blowing sex '. He said the sex was very good but not mind blowing. He said that if I listen to him during sex and improve my blowjobs on him (sorry tmi] then he'll consider being exclusive . He said he wants to contine dating me. But in the meantime he will only date me non exclusively until this is achieved as brilliant sex is so important to him to just settle.

Is he in the right here? Or am I being manipulated ? What would you all do? Please advise me.

This has to be fake? You honestly think that a man who tells you he will only stop sleeping with other women when your blow job technique gets better is worth a second thought. He's a pig, and I'd say the same even if he were my own son. Please tell him that not only do you not agree with his demands but that his penis being so small is what's causing you problems down there and that you're used to men with much larger ones. Tell him that for this reason, the sex was pretty boring too. Laugh at him and tell him you have a date to go to.

Sorry OP but he’s a complete cunt - why the fuck would you want to do the pick me dance with a man who is a controlling manipulative misogynistic disgusting piece of shit?

He’s got you where he wants you - find your dignity and self respect.

Thos is about HIM being a total wanker nothing about you. You could perform like a fucking porn star and he’s still tell you you’re not good enough.

STOP MAKING THIS ABOUT YOU - he’s a vile twat. Honestly your vagina should be clamping shut at the thought of this pig

You shouldn’t have to impress him, OP.

If he’s into you, he should be chasing after you. He should be trying to impress you !
Never invest in any man who treats you like you are one of many options.

Today, block him and book yourself some counselling.

This man is getting you to do the "pick me" dance.

You said that you want an exclusive relationship and that this man hoodwinked you into being intimate as he has no plan to be exclusive with you. His reasons given are a strategy to make you "fight" for him, beating all the other imaginary women who are vying for his attention 🙄

Honestly he's deluded, and trying to bring you into his fantasy world.

Please block him and distract yourself from thinking about this awful, manipulative man.

He is actually likely to be quite interested in you when he realises his tricks have not worked.

Be careful.

If you text him you will open yourself to a world of abuse. Stop and reflect on the utter worthlessness of this man. Stop accepting his “dare” and recognize your own worth.

Hilarious that he considers himself some sort of prize. Prize wanker.

I’m glad you acknowledge there’s a problem, OP. Have you thought of doing some sort of therapy or even reading some books to give you more of an insight into your mindset, behaviours and patterns?

Maybe even just journaling, try unpicking where this feeling of trying to perform to meet someone’s approval stems from?

I was a bit like that in school, not with men but with friends. It wasn’t until I reached uni that I adopted the attitude of those who want to be my friend will, and those who don’t won’t and stopped begging people.

Then later on I became even more selective and was like those who want to be my friend will be- if I choose to accept them as friends!

It was really a process of firstly not chasing others but then secondly being selective and choosy with who I spent my time with. Just because someone likes you in either a friendship or romantic capacity it doesn’t mean you should entertain them.

The problem with jumping through hoops for a man’s approval is that while you’re focused on trying to impress them, you’re being distracted from seeing all their red flags and not analysing them enough. But that’s exactly why men like that try and get women to “prove” themselves.

Just block him.

I wouldn't give him a second more of your time.

He's an idiot.

I would run for the hills. What an arsehole.

He sounds like the worst man in the world. Block him on every conceivable platform and congratulate yourself on dodging a bullet.

(PS I'm confident your blow-job skills are excellent, so don't worry)

Ask yourself whether sex is the most important thing to you in a relationship? Like: the MOST important thing? Because he has put it front and center. If it’s not “mind blowing” servicing of him then no relationship.

But prior to his shaming you over your bj skills sex was not the most important thing to you: compatibility, interest, desire for exclusivity—these were your goals. Sex was in there, of course, but as an expression of a deeper and more exclusive relationship.

He’s too shallow for you. Take some time to really think about your values! How you want to live your life. Who you eant to be with long term. And kick this shallow, manipulative, rodent to the curb.

If you go back on what you said about wanting to be exclusive, he has no incentive to be exclusive at all. Because he knows you will accept being non exclusive. And he will never love or respect you. He’ll always cheat as he knows you’ll put up with it.

He will come back to you if you ignore him. Because he knows the sex was good and men like him can’t stand being ignored and see it as a challenge to suck you in again. He’ll pretend he’s giving you the chance. It’s laughable. He’ll also punish you fairly quickly for ignoring him and denting his ego. So any joy you feel at him coming back will be short lived I promise you.

But OP, there is someone out there who would fight for you to be exclusive with them. Who wouldn’t care about BJs, FFS, and would be very happy to have you in their life. Please I beg you give yourself the chance to meet that person. Anything less isn’t good enough and is a road to misery.

Block and delete this one. Take away the temptation.

Please also seek out some counselling today to help you work out why you feel the need to prove yourself to such a worthless turd of a man.

💐

Get yourself over to the Female Dating Strategy website, stat.

Raise your standards ffs
Tell him to piss off
Fucking wanker

Please get some counselling OP. It's not you it's him. He's an abusive pos.

Who even talks like this?! Jeez

I don't think you should be dating right now. He wasn't manipulating you one bit, he was openly acting like a dickhead. He could not have made it any clearer from the moment he told you he was sleeping with others. YOU were the one trying to twist it in your own head to figure out a way to continue seeing him without feeling like a fool.
You need to work on you or you will be easy prey to a certain type of man.

This. I'd just write back and tell him you've decided not to date him anyway as his cock is too small and he smells bad.

This guy is soooo not your 'ten out of ten'.

Please don't feel bad. He is arrogant.

I'd wrote and say, sorry, you are not boyfriend material to me. All the best.

I cant put into words how irritated he has made ME. dear lord in heaven!!!

X

There’s a lot of strong words on here now - important thing is that you must deal with your self esteem issues: you’re worth more than this. He is clearly a manipulator, a user, and you’re vulnerable. You need to make yourself less vulnerable! A friend of mine met a similar guy - kept telling her she wasn’t adventurous, experienced enough ! Exactly the same routine, just to manipulate to comply with them. She came to her senses and saw him for what he was - but it couldn’t happen without her realizing what SHE was worth. You’re a giver, a believer, right now you’re open to being used by certain people who will prey on that.

There is something a bit amiss with your attitude if you want to follow a path of convincing him otherwise- a very bad idea. You should be thinking he's clearly not good enough for you. Relationships are not about one person dictating what the other will do. He's making a lot of demands, but how about what you want? He is not providing anything you want or need, is he?
How about making yourself a list of the things you don't like about him? He's not going to change for you and you should not have to for him.
Simple answer- though the best is blocking silence - " you don't do it for me either anymore, so you can jog on".

There is nothing wrong with you - and I doubt anything wrong with your blowjob skills. This man is just playing a game with you - he is looking for things which cause a reaction. Once he knows your weak spots, the things you are sensitive about, then he can use that to put you down, and reel you in.
Just stay away from him, don’t engage, give it time, the fog will clear and you will get some perspective and then you will see what all the posters here are seeing and wonder what you ever saw in him OP.

Tell the thick twat to piss off.

Darling, do not do the pick me dance.

He's a grade A run of the mill wanker. They're 10 a penny. Block him, and maybe get some therapy so you're not begging for crumbs in future relationships.

He's negging you. Making you feel like shit by putting you down to test you.

Please please please dont message him further or try and prove your worth to him. He's not a kind man. And he will further damage your self esteem.

You will end up as a side shag for this man.

Try and manage the awful feelings he is giving you and keeping posting here for support