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Original poster

Ex has Texted 🙄

476 replies

LilacButterflies · 02/07/2024 03:23

Hello!

I was in a relationship for 6 years and 2 years ago he just disappeared. We didn't live together because I have a child and I didn't want him living with us. I didn't really have any plans tbh, was just enjoying it all.

He met DD after 3 years and was actually brilliant with her, his mum and family were also lovely towards us too.

So on a Tuesday AM 2 years ago he left mine for work at 5am and it's the last time I saw him.

I realised at around lunchtime that I had been blocked. I got a txt that night from his best friend saying:
"* has dumped you. Do not attempt to contact him across ANY channels or his family or friends!!!!!!!"

I didn't try to BTW, I was too embarrassed. I just deleted his number and avoided his area as best as I could.

Anyway roll on to work this arvo and I get this message:

Him: "Hey me how are you? How's DD?"

Me: "sorry who's this? I don't have your number in my contacts"

Him: Ben.

I haven't replied and just deleted his message but shit after 2 years and the way i was dumped it was so unexpected.

My friends think I should have replied.

OP posts:
litlleseahorse · 02/07/2024 08:32

Yeah, agree your friends have given you bad advice. You wont get closure from a man who got his best friend to dump you instead of talking to you like a decent human being. They'll be some bullshit poor me boo hoo excuse that wont explain his shitty behaviour anyway even if you did ask him to explain.

What an absolute piece of shit he is- the nerve of him! SO glad you've blocked him, so well done - you deserve way better than a revolting piece of garbage like him.

If you still have his friend's number I'd be tempted to send him a text saying "I want X out of my life. Tell him do not attempt to contact me across ANY channels or his family or friends!!!!!!!"

See how he bloody likes it!

lamppostliving · 02/07/2024 08:33

Hellohah · 02/07/2024 06:57

I can be really petty and spiteful.

I'd have text the mate he dumped me via and told him to tell Ben to fuck off and and kindly not contact me again.

😁

CollyBobble · 02/07/2024 08:33

He exited your life without so much as wishing you well and explaining why he didn't want to continue. Cold hearted and cowardly.

He deserves no reply.

Block block and block!

silentassassin · 02/07/2024 08:35

Text his friend and say the exact same thing he said to you!!!! Then block the friend and keep both of them blocked 😂 what a pathetic arsehole

CollyBobble · 02/07/2024 08:37

I'd also be questioning your friend who says you should have replied. Maybe she likes him as most friends are protective and clearly she wants you to be open to emotional abuse and manipulation from this Ben chancer.

Or she loves to hear about the drama.

Ben has contacted you because he thinks you will be an easy fallback.

He'll give you the old flannel of wanting a clean break as he couldn't stand to see you upset and work was getting him down and mental health blah blah blah.

You'll have all your emotions raked up again and will feel torn as he butters you up.

I hat he did was unforgivable and there's no guarantee he wouldn't do it again.

BileBeansSara · 02/07/2024 08:37

Those friends that want you to stay in touch with him. They are not your friends. They just want some excitement in their lives. Pathetic.

litlleseahorse · 02/07/2024 08:39

OP- read this thread, its one of the best things I've ever read on here and it shows the power of silence when dumped by text: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text

GrimDamnFanjo · 02/07/2024 08:40

Six years and treated like that? Wow, just wow.

Andwegoroundagain · 02/07/2024 08:43

Glad you blocked him and deleted the VMs.

He does not deserve the time of day from you

hurklebum · 02/07/2024 08:43

Seems to me that there are 2 kinds of people, those that poke a bruise to kinda enjoy the ache, and those who have the willpower to not touch.

OP is the latter, and I have massive respect.

Conkersinautumn · 02/07/2024 08:44

Is the friend nosey? I can imagine she might be intrigued as to what he'd say. But it's irrelevant and she should be more concerned for you and your dd. Because there's fuck all he can say to somehow excuse what he did. Because you can never trust him. Because he is contemptible.

I'd give the friend very little chances and ask why on earth they think you're going to give such a callous, cowardly arsehole the time of day after what he put your daughter and you through emotionally.

TheBerry · 02/07/2024 08:44

Wtaf he actually ghosted you after 6 years, got his best friend to dump you, and then thinks he can pop up out of the blue 2 years later like nothing happened???

What is when going through this guy’s head…

Honestly I am curious to know his thought process here, but well done for just blocking him really.

DontBiteTheCat · 02/07/2024 08:45

Well done OP! I absolutely admire your strength and determination.

My abusive ex tries this trick every so often. I hadn’t heard from him for nearly a year and then got a message last weekend. Years ago I would have fallen at his feet but now every new number just gets blocked.

Onwards and upwards my dear, you deserve so much better!

AirportObs · 02/07/2024 08:45

He’s a cruel, manipulative piece of shit. Who does he think he is?! Well done OP for blocking him!! He would only serve up some shit and try to enter back into your life!

Good riddance all those years ago!

Your friends are giving poor advice. You stick to those boundaries

Nevergoodenoughforthem · 02/07/2024 08:46

I’d message his friend- the one that ‘dumped’ you - and recycle his message to you from two years ago: “Ben was dumped two years ago, please tell him he is not to contact you on any channel or via family/friends.” Dish out some embarrassment to him and then block and forget.

PennyPugwash · 02/07/2024 08:46

Omg... OP you are a tower of strength
What the actual hell!!
And also..... the txt from his friend, my jaw dropped!!

HowIrresponsible · 02/07/2024 08:47

Don't dignify with a response.

There is a dignity in silence that no amount of words can convey.

Hairyesterdaygonetoday · 02/07/2024 08:51

Bittenonce · 02/07/2024 07:01

To have left you as he did, after 6 years, gives the measure of the man.
You were strong enough before to not try to contact, to delete his numbers - be as strong now, and just ignore.
I think any contact will f* up your headspace - it would for me anyway, though I think you're stronger than I ever was.
Don't let him erode that now.

I agree. He’s probably split up with the woman he dumped you for, and wants to use you as back-up.

You don’t need a bit of drama for ‘closure’. He treated you disgustingly, you rose above it and moved on -- you don’t need anything from him. Well done, OP.

Anniegetyourgun · 02/07/2024 08:52

Amusing though it would be to send the identical message the friend sent 2 years ago, that would show you were sufficiently affected by it to remember the precise words used (maybe had even kept the message). Best to let him think you've completely moved on, which it does sound as though you have.

Re the friend, I'm trying to make the excuse for them that they think life is like a novel where it will all work out in the most romantic way possible, but I think it's more likely they're just after vicarious drama as a pp said. Male friends may be empathising with the ex and thinking how they'd hope a woman they dumped would give them a second chance too. Maybe you need a better class of friend, or to give them the full benefit of the doubt, maybe they just didn't think it through.

UpThereForThinkingDownThereForDancing · 02/07/2024 08:52

Wow! Stunned at the callous cold hearted brutal method he chose to depart your relationship. And now the utter hypocrisy is just off the scale.
What a total head fuck.

Massive well done, I'm applauding you 👏👏👏, for not engaging at all in any way.
Any attention, negative or positive, will never convey the total contempt he deserves... and so you should give the only answer that might hit home which is to act as though he doesn't exist. .

Hairyesterdaygonetoday · 02/07/2024 08:53

hurklebum · 02/07/2024 08:43

Seems to me that there are 2 kinds of people, those that poke a bruise to kinda enjoy the ache, and those who have the willpower to not touch.

OP is the latter, and I have massive respect.

Well put!

hoggyhedge · 02/07/2024 08:53

Wow! That's unbelievable

Well done for being strong and resisting the urge to contact him bavk

The best way to hurt him is to keep him wondering where/how you are..block across all channels

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 02/07/2024 08:59

Surely you text back "Ben who?"

Whatthechicken · 02/07/2024 09:01

Well done for ignoring. What a coward he is. He not only left you with no explanation, he also thought it was fine to leave a little girl confused as to where he'd gone...that tells you everything you need to know.

Viviennemary · 02/07/2024 09:01

He's got a nerve. You did the right thing ignoring him. His treatment of you was cruel and callous, Don't get involved with him again.