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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex has Texted 🙄

476 replies

LilacButterflies · 02/07/2024 03:23

Hello!

I was in a relationship for 6 years and 2 years ago he just disappeared. We didn't live together because I have a child and I didn't want him living with us. I didn't really have any plans tbh, was just enjoying it all.

He met DD after 3 years and was actually brilliant with her, his mum and family were also lovely towards us too.

So on a Tuesday AM 2 years ago he left mine for work at 5am and it's the last time I saw him.

I realised at around lunchtime that I had been blocked. I got a txt that night from his best friend saying:
"* has dumped you. Do not attempt to contact him across ANY channels or his family or friends!!!!!!!"

I didn't try to BTW, I was too embarrassed. I just deleted his number and avoided his area as best as I could.

Anyway roll on to work this arvo and I get this message:

Him: "Hey me how are you? How's DD?"

Me: "sorry who's this? I don't have your number in my contacts"

Him: Ben.

I haven't replied and just deleted his message but shit after 2 years and the way i was dumped it was so unexpected.

My friends think I should have replied.

OP posts:
Starseeking · 02/07/2024 05:39

I'd have done exactly the same as you did; good on you for having such strong boundaries.

Not sure why your friend is encouraging you to maintain contact with a man who treated you so poorly, doesn't sound that helpful to me.

Olika · 02/07/2024 06:52

Well done for blocking him. Absolutely disgusting how he ended your relationship.

Hellohah · 02/07/2024 06:57

I can be really petty and spiteful.

I'd have text the mate he dumped me via and told him to tell Ben to fuck off and and kindly not contact me again.

Tweet122 · 02/07/2024 07:00

Well done for ignoring it This thread sprang to mind. This woman was an inspiration!

www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text

Bittenonce · 02/07/2024 07:01

To have left you as he did, after 6 years, gives the measure of the man.
You were strong enough before to not try to contact, to delete his numbers - be as strong now, and just ignore.
I think any contact will f* up your headspace - it would for me anyway, though I think you're stronger than I ever was.
Don't let him erode that now.

Bittenonce · 02/07/2024 07:03

Hellohah · 02/07/2024 06:57

I can be really petty and spiteful.

I'd have text the mate he dumped me via and told him to tell Ben to fuck off and and kindly not contact me again.

Actually that's not petty and spiteful - it's brilliant

Fathomless · 02/07/2024 07:10

kkloo · 02/07/2024 05:23

I got a txt that night from his best friend saying:
" has dumped you. Do not attempt to contact him across ANY channels or his family or friends!!!!!!!"*

That's absolutely disgusting.
Only acceptable if you were abusive which I'm assuming you weren't.
Definitely one of the worst things I've read on here!

Edited

me too. well done on blocking.

Parrotcoop · 02/07/2024 07:14

Oh.I think I'd want to know what exactly happened. Not what he wants now, but what happened then. That's so odd, I'd have probably been concerned he wasn't Ok.

But if you're happy with things as they are, you're absolutely doing the right thing.

Tweet122 · 02/07/2024 07:20

Perhaps if he'd offered an apology, @Parrotcoop ?

Parrotcoop · 02/07/2024 07:31

Tweet122 · 02/07/2024 07:20

Perhaps if he'd offered an apology, @Parrotcoop ?

Yes, the whole thing is really odd. Why would he think it was OK to send a random how are you, after what happened. That's why I'd want to know what went on.

Cantbesure · 02/07/2024 07:31

Ugh men. I had a text a year after finding my ex had been cheating on me throughout our 5 year relationship.

I'd removed him from my contacts so didn't have his number in my phone. Was just about to sleep one night and got a similar text asking about me and my kids. Saying he knew he didn't have the right to know but would love to know how we all were.

Didn't sleep all night. Penned a million differed replies. In the end I deleted the message without replying. He didn't deserve to know. And it stopped me the turmoil of waiting for his reply. I felt so much peace afterwards.

Good for you being strong. He sounds like an absolute bastard and not someone who deserves a second of your time.

LyricalGangsta · 02/07/2024 07:31

I don't think anything 'happened' as such before when he simply ghosted. If there had been a legitimate reason I think he would have started along the lines of - "hey sorry about his things ended but x y z happened" or "I felt suffocated" or some other such bullshit.

The blokes a weasel and the OP is well rid.

No doubt now he has had his jollies he is single again (no surprise) and he is looking for a pick me up for his battered ego. Unfortunately for him he is looking in the wrong place.

Well done OP

SophiaElise · 02/07/2024 07:39

Well done OP - you did the right thing!

Ariela · 02/07/2024 07:39

'Ben who?' Wait till read then block.

LakeTiticaca · 02/07/2024 07:41

In all that time.did you never bump into him or his family ? Did they live in a different town?
Just curious thats all 🫠

Original poster
LilacButterflies · 02/07/2024 07:41

Thank you all for your replies! I have had 3 private number calls since finishing work. He left 3 vms, I listened to the first one and as soon as I heard his voice saying "hey .." I hit the "message deleted" key thing.
I did the same to the other 2.

I'm more annoyed now by his contact tbh, 2 years ago I wasn't allowed any contact with him so why the fuck should I offer him any courtesy now?

He wouldn't have a clue where I am now either, me and DD moved hours away to where my grandparents and brother are so we aren't even in the same state let alone city.

OP posts:
Original poster
LilacButterflies · 02/07/2024 07:41

Thank you all for your replies! I have had 3 private number calls since finishing work. He left 3 vms, I listened to the first one and as soon as I heard his voice saying "hey .." I hit the "message deleted" key thing.
I did the same to the other 2.

I'm more annoyed now by his contact tbh, 2 years ago I wasn't allowed any contact with him so why the fuck should I offer him any courtesy now?

He wouldn't have a clue where I am now either, me and DD moved hours away to where my grandparents and brother are so we aren't even in the same state let alone city.

OP posts:
Pumpkinpie1 · 02/07/2024 07:42

Your friend doesn’t have a clue !
Dont engage with this awful cowardly man and his mate ! EVER

LyricalGangsta · 02/07/2024 07:44

I also meant to say that - you were allowed no contact before and had to go through all the wondering, feeling embarrassed, abandoned.
He sure has got a cheek!!

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 02/07/2024 07:44

What a complete and utter weasel. He dumps you without warning and gets a friend to tell you? then your friend thinks you should give him a chance?

I hope you have a more grown up set of friends now. Well done you for having strong boundaries.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 02/07/2024 07:46

Parrotcoop · 02/07/2024 07:14

Oh.I think I'd want to know what exactly happened. Not what he wants now, but what happened then. That's so odd, I'd have probably been concerned he wasn't Ok.

But if you're happy with things as they are, you're absolutely doing the right thing.

Really? you'd be concerned about someone who treated you so cruelly and didn't even have the balls to tell you himself that he was ending it?

I'd just be grateful a big pile of rubbish had taken itself out.

Bittenonce · 02/07/2024 07:46

LilacButterflies · 02/07/2024 07:41

Thank you all for your replies! I have had 3 private number calls since finishing work. He left 3 vms, I listened to the first one and as soon as I heard his voice saying "hey .." I hit the "message deleted" key thing.
I did the same to the other 2.

I'm more annoyed now by his contact tbh, 2 years ago I wasn't allowed any contact with him so why the fuck should I offer him any courtesy now?

He wouldn't have a clue where I am now either, me and DD moved hours away to where my grandparents and brother are so we aren't even in the same state let alone city.

Block unknown numbers?

Parrotcoop · 02/07/2024 07:49

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 02/07/2024 07:46

Really? you'd be concerned about someone who treated you so cruelly and didn't even have the balls to tell you himself that he was ending it?

I'd just be grateful a big pile of rubbish had taken itself out.

Show quote history

Not concerned exactly, but interested to know what was going on. This is a man OP was with for 6 years, presumably he wasn't a shit for all of it. I'd want to know what changed.

I'm not saying I'd be right btw, OP's approach is much better, I'm just not sure I could do it.

Nanaboots · 02/07/2024 07:55

I agree with what you’re doing, don’t answer don’t even read the message.

but……… I’m to nosy fir my own good, I wouldn’t be able a sneaky look to find out why 🥹

I would be so angered though, what a jerk to do that to you then call as if nothing happened.

im a confusing person really 😉

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 02/07/2024 07:56

You're rather assuming you'd get the truth rather than some self-serving pile of shite.