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Original poster

Wearing his wedding ring

282 replies

Confusedcrush · 30/06/2024 10:32

In the photos from his DCs wedding.

I've been seeing a man for 3 years, he's separated not divorced. He knows my family etc but won't introduce me to his - his ex wife has entrenched MH problems, his adult DC still lean on him to help deal with her when she's unwell. He still pays her mortgage etc.

His DC got married last weekend. He messaged me this morning, a nice normal message, and he's changed his profile pic to a pic from the wedding. He's wearing his wedding ring.

I feel sick. And stupid. Fuck sake. I don't know what I want from this thread but I'm gutted.

OP posts:
PercyGherkin · 30/06/2024 10:35

I’m sorry. You know what this means. If you challenge him he’ll come up with all sorts of excuses as to why he had to wear it that day and it doesn’t mean anything - don’t give him a chance to get in your head and try that. It - and he - really stinks. 3 years!

Arlanymor · 30/06/2024 10:35

Ask him, I think it’s inappropriate and I know you do too, but it doesn’t mean that he is being duplicitous necessarily. Do the whole of his/his ex’s family know about the separation? Was he doing it to keep the peace if relatives who haven’t been clued in to the situation were at the wedding?

I don’t like it, I would be very unhappy, but you need to ask the question. The fact he’s posted the photo to his socials where he knows you will see it might indicate that at the very least he’s not hiding anything from you. But ask him.

Original poster
Confusedcrush · 30/06/2024 11:10

I feel so stupid. I'm looking back now and questioning everything. Three fucking years! My DC love him, DS is already talking about an activity they're doing in the summer holidays. I want to cry and can't cos of my DC. Fucking prick.

OP posts:
Loafbeginsat60 · 30/06/2024 11:13

Where does he live? Surely if they don't live together his wife can't be under the impression that they are still together?

Strange he should have his ring on.

Arlanymor · 30/06/2024 11:15

Can you contact him? I wouldn’t throw the baby out with the bath water just yet.

Thetraitor · 30/06/2024 11:15

Are you thinking his wife and family think they are still together or they actually are still together a you’re an extra? All because of a ring?

PurpleyDog · 30/06/2024 11:18

The ring doesn’t necessarily mean what you think. It’s not impossible it’s for show for the extended family.

Tell us more about your relationship. How often do you see him? Does he stay over? Have you been to his?

Original poster
Confusedcrush · 30/06/2024 11:18

I think he and his wife live separately but no one knows I exist. They lived together unhappily for a long time. So it's kind of normal for them to be together but not happy.

I don't know what I think. I feel like the other woman. I'm so hurt, I've thought we were in a relationship and now I feel like his bit on the side

OP posts:
Beautifulbythebay · 30/06/2024 11:19

He's still married isn't he?. So sorry op.

DontBiteTheCat · 30/06/2024 11:20

PurpleyDog · 30/06/2024 11:18

The ring doesn’t necessarily mean what you think. It’s not impossible it’s for show for the extended family.

Tell us more about your relationship. How often do you see him? Does he stay over? Have you been to his?

That doesn’t make it any better though?

If my partner of three years put his wedding ring back on for “show” to extended family we would still have a very big problem. I don’t want a man that can’t be clear on his marital status and tries to hide me from his life, and the OP shouldn’t either.

Original poster
Confusedcrush · 30/06/2024 11:20

He stays here, I've never been to his house - he works away (near me) and lives the other side of the country. His wife lives in London. Or she did, I'm questioning that now. He's a workaholic, we've rowed about him shutting me out and and working 7-10, now I'm thinking he wasn't working.

OP posts:
Loafbeginsat60 · 30/06/2024 11:20

You think they live separately- haven't you ever been to his house?

Arlanymor · 30/06/2024 11:21

Beautifulbythebay · 30/06/2024 11:19

He's still married isn't he?. So sorry op.

Well he is because he’s separated and not divorced. Do you mean still together?

Beautifulbythebay · 30/06/2024 11:21

So the majority of the time he isn't available? Shucks....

FuzzyStripes · 30/06/2024 11:21

I think you either end things with him or insist on an introduction to his family and then see how you feel about continuing the relationship.

Bettyscakes · 30/06/2024 11:22

He is married, your latest update couldn’t be clearer.

poshfrock · 30/06/2024 11:22

My husband and I are separated. He is in an established relationship of 2 and a half years with another woman. His parents are elderly and unwell. They don't know about the separation and we see no advantage in telling them at this stage in their lives. He wears his wedding ring when he visits them. His new partner has not met our children or any of his family as yet. It happens.

TimeGoesBySoSlowlyForThoseWhoWait · 30/06/2024 11:22

I’m sorry, but if you’ve never been to his house and he won’t let you meet his family then you are his secret but on the side and he has no intention of leaving his wife. Do his kids know about you?? Have you met his adult children?

Original poster
Confusedcrush · 30/06/2024 11:22

No, never been to his, he lives the literal other end of the country and I have my DC full time but his business is near me (complicated but that bit I know is true, I met him through work).

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 30/06/2024 11:22

Confusedcrush · 30/06/2024 11:20

He stays here, I've never been to his house - he works away (near me) and lives the other side of the country. His wife lives in London. Or she did, I'm questioning that now. He's a workaholic, we've rowed about him shutting me out and and working 7-10, now I'm thinking he wasn't working.

Oh this is sounding worse and worse. Not going to someone’s house in three years is a red flag for me I’m afraid, no matter how far away it is. And the working hours don’t look good either. I’m so sorry OP.

DontBiteTheCat · 30/06/2024 11:24

OP please pick up your dignity and end it with him. This isn’t a relationship.

You and your children deserve so much more, they will adapt and they’ll be fine without him. Don’t put you or them through any more of this.

You deserve a man who is proud to show you off! This man is likely still married, you are not part of his wider life. Please end it x

Original poster
Confusedcrush · 30/06/2024 11:25

I know the never going to his house is bad, but in the context of him loving so far away and me having DC with me all the time it wasn't practical. Or else it was very practical indeed, for him. Oh god I'm so stupid.

OP posts:
TheCultureHusks · 30/06/2024 11:26

The likeliest explanation is that he’s having an affair. If all that you know has come from him - and it sounds like it is, it’s classic: you’ve never even been to his house?

Fuck him. I’d be contacting his wife anyway and dumping him.

Loafbeginsat60 · 30/06/2024 11:26

poshfrock · 30/06/2024 11:22

My husband and I are separated. He is in an established relationship of 2 and a half years with another woman. His parents are elderly and unwell. They don't know about the separation and we see no advantage in telling them at this stage in their lives. He wears his wedding ring when he visits them. His new partner has not met our children or any of his family as yet. It happens.

Could be something like this.

You'll have to ask him why he's wearing the ring

Opentooffers · 30/06/2024 11:27

Yep, you fell for it all and that was daft. Now learn from it
1- never be a secret
2- always check out where they live
3- there are no acceptable reasons that exist for 1 &2 to not occur.