Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Wearing his wedding ring

282 replies

Confusedcrush · 30/06/2024 10:32

In the photos from his DCs wedding.

I've been seeing a man for 3 years, he's separated not divorced. He knows my family etc but won't introduce me to his - his ex wife has entrenched MH problems, his adult DC still lean on him to help deal with her when she's unwell. He still pays her mortgage etc.

His DC got married last weekend. He messaged me this morning, a nice normal message, and he's changed his profile pic to a pic from the wedding. He's wearing his wedding ring.

I feel sick. And stupid. Fuck sake. I don't know what I want from this thread but I'm gutted.

OP posts:
Moier · 30/06/2024 22:00

Three years together.. why weren't you invited to the wedding?
Obviously he's still married and not separated.
You've not met his family?
Have you met his friends?
Sorry you're going through this.
Sending hugs and healing thoughts.

Heatherjones1234 · 30/06/2024 22:03

Confusedcrush · 30/06/2024 21:58

I'm just sitting here typing and then not sending messages and crying. I will send one, god this is shit.

Don't send anything tonight, have a nice bath or watch some crap tv and do something tomorrow x

Arlanymor · 30/06/2024 22:04

Heatherjones1234 · 30/06/2024 22:03

Don't send anything tonight, have a nice bath or watch some crap tv and do something tomorrow x

Show quote history

Yep I think I agree, no rush for tonight.

Presseddaisy · 30/06/2024 22:05

Please don't think you aren't a catch just because you are a full time single Mum. Your negative self image has allowed you to accept crumbs in this relationship regardless of whether has lied to you or not and you will continue to attract twats if you feel this way about yourself. You deserve so much better than him.

Beautifulbythebay · 30/06/2024 22:08

My dh said he felt privileged to be welcomed into our family.. Don't accept less for yourself and your wonderful dc op. He wasn't worthy of you.... If you were once a patient maybe he knew he had crossed lines...
Utter twat....

savethatkitty · 30/06/2024 22:12

WTF is wrong with people, honestly, men suck! My DH is a bit of a dud admittedly but fark, better the devil you know. Sounds like there are 1000 times worse out there.

Noseybookworm · 30/06/2024 22:18

Confusedcrush · 30/06/2024 11:20

He stays here, I've never been to his house - he works away (near me) and lives the other side of the country. His wife lives in London. Or she did, I'm questioning that now. He's a workaholic, we've rowed about him shutting me out and and working 7-10, now I'm thinking he wasn't working.

You've been seeing him for 3 years and you've never been to his house? You're either incredibly niave or deliberately burying your head in the sand OP. This bloke is playing you, you're his bit on the side 🙄 dump him and find someone who is going to be in your life in a full and committed partnership!

Original poster
Confusedcrush · 30/06/2024 22:23

I messaged, I tried to be dignified in it. It's delivered and he hasn't opened it. I'm going to mute my phone and go to bed so I don't spend all night waiting for a notification.

Thank you to everyone, I haven't got anyone I can talk to about this and you have been here all day supporting me and I appreciate it.

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 30/06/2024 22:26

Confusedcrush · 30/06/2024 22:23

I messaged, I tried to be dignified in it. It's delivered and he hasn't opened it. I'm going to mute my phone and go to bed so I don't spend all night waiting for a notification.

Thank you to everyone, I haven't got anyone I can talk to about this and you have been here all day supporting me and I appreciate it.

You're amazing for being brave and good idea to mute. Whatever he says can wait until tomorrow whenever you are ready to read it. Do you want to talk more or are you off to sleep now? You must be exhausted. I find milk and honey is brilliantly soothing.

CowTown · 30/06/2024 22:26
You Got This Go Get Em GIF by Shalita Grant

Op

Original poster
Confusedcrush · 30/06/2024 22:28

I'm going to bed, I'll just watch my phone otherwise. Thank you Flowers

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 30/06/2024 22:29

Confusedcrush · 30/06/2024 22:28

I'm going to bed, I'll just watch my phone otherwise. Thank you Flowers

No worries, sleep well. You’ve been incredible today, you really have, just know that. Hope you get some good rest. (I watch crap on my iPad to drift off if my brain is racing, Taskmaster is good for that).

EveryOtherNameTaken · 30/06/2024 22:33

I find Audible is good for distracting my mind when going to sleep.

Good on you OP for messaging and muting. You'd never have slept if you hadn't.

FakeMiddleton · 30/06/2024 22:36

Hugs to you, OP

And good on you for being brave and decisive

wiggleweggle · 30/06/2024 22:48

You are doing the right thing.

PurpleyDog · 30/06/2024 23:24

Arlanymor · 30/06/2024 22:29

No worries, sleep well. You’ve been incredible today, you really have, just know that. Hope you get some good rest. (I watch crap on my iPad to drift off if my brain is racing, Taskmaster is good for that).

Edited
Show quote history

This, times 1,000.

youhadmeatsausageroll · 30/06/2024 23:25

sending you love OP

Gcsunnyside23 · 30/06/2024 23:33

Oh op I'm sure it feels awful now but you deserve better from a partner. Well done on confronting him

Original poster
Confusedcrush · 01/07/2024 07:42

He replied. He doesn't agree with my opinion (that he was just using me) but neither of us can help our circumstances, and let's get a takeaway and chat. And a thumbs up emoji Angry

I've said his 'circumstances' are of his own making because they suit him, and I'm worth more and no we won't be getting fucking takeaway. I'm crying but I'm furious, what a fucking arsehole.

Flowers to you all, if I'm honest I'd probably be eating takeaway later if you hadn't made me see what was staring me in the face

OP posts:
SamW98 · 01/07/2024 07:46

So he he hasn’t made any attempt to deny still being married then OP?

Think his answer tells you all you need to know

You’ve done right thing however painful it feels right now ❤️

alrightluv · 01/07/2024 07:52

So is he left handed? Just with saying he's holding his drink up and you can see his ring? Haven't you ever noticed white band mark?

Maddy70 · 01/07/2024 07:52

Hes still married. You're his bit on the side. I'm so sorry.

CowTown · 01/07/2024 07:57

☹️ I’m so sorry @Confusedcrush . He can’t help his circumstances? Thumbs up? I have no words.

Duh · 01/07/2024 07:57

Wow he describes being married and deceiving his wife and you as his “circumstances”! How dare he!

What an awful human being. As awful as this is OP, his dreadful response that reveals his even more dreadful character will hopefully make this that little bit easier for you (of course it’s still heartbreaking).

Original poster
Confusedcrush · 01/07/2024 07:58

No he hasn't denied it, he said my opinion wasn't correct but not denying he's still with his wife. That's the 'circumstances' he can't help!

Yes he's left-handed, I did have a brief idea the photo might be reversed but he'd hold a drink with his left hand.

My god I've been stupid, I let too many small things go because I wanted him to be who I thought he was, and because I didn't want to be on my own again.

OP posts: