Wearing his wedding ring

[Confusedcrush]

In the photos from his DCs wedding.

I've been seeing a man for 3 years, he's separated not divorced. He knows my family etc but won't introduce me to his - his ex wife has entrenched MH problems, his adult DC still lean on him to help deal with her when she's unwell. He still pays her mortgage etc.

His DC got married last weekend. He messaged me this morning, a nice normal message, and he's changed his profile pic to a pic from the wedding. He's wearing his wedding ring.

I feel sick. And stupid. Fuck sake. I don't know what I want from this thread but I'm gutted.

🌷🌷🌷 For you, op. This is difficult.

“he's changed his profile pic to a pic“

What’s his profile pic on? Like Facebook or WhatsApp?

Thank you for replies - DC have been chattering all day about the summer holidays plans they've got with him, I hate this.

viques how you've described your family member is pretty close to how things are 😪

Re Xmas - it's a shit time for his adult DC, their mum walked out on Xmas a few years ago threatening suicide and was found by police and sectioned. That was when they split up living together. I don't even know if I believe that any more, fucks sake who would lie about that though? We have had phone calls on Xmas day yes.

Re photo it's his pic on WhatsApp him and his DC and he's holding a drink and you can see his wedding ring.

He messaged earlier 'want to catch up later?' and I didn't think what to say so said 'I don't know', he's seen it and not replied. I can't get into it til DC are in bed. I want to hide, I can't though. I know it's over

Really sorry OP but the separated guy who works away from home and his partner (you) is near his work is almost always married and liked to have a plaything when he’s away from the family for days on end.

And sad to say pretty much everything he’s told you is straight out of the cheats handbook version 101 - textbook BS

The amount of crazy suicidal ex wives these men have is just unbelievable (because it’s bollocks).

Please pick yourself up, find your self respect and tell him to fuck off

fucks sake who would lie about that though?

It's an ideal lie:-

1. He gets out of doing Christmas with you, if you ask a few years down the line it'll still be a shit time for their DC.
2. He can drop you at a second's notice, she's threatened suicide again.
3. He can't see you for however long, he needs to water her plants as she's been sectioned again.
4. It was incredibly dramatic, he's suffered so much, poor him, you need to feel sorry for him and understand he can't do or give you whatever because Christmas/wife/DC/plants.

You've had a lucky escape @Confusedcrush , hellish as this is for you now it would be a lot worse further down the line. What a piece of shit.

His kids aren’t very resilient are they? All these years later and their mum didn’t kill herself anyway?

I would tell his wife that you have been seeing him, when and where.
That will put the cat amongst the pigeons.

Because you've never met anyone everything he tells you is now in question.

His ex mental health
Is she his ex
He's a workaholic
His ex walked out in his dc
Threatening suicide

All of the above could just be a whopping lie.

I'd be tempted to make up a story that means you'll be in his area this week and was planning your pop in. See his reactions

You are the OW OP. Don't beat yourself up about this, block him, hold your head up high and crack on with life.

What does that even mean? If they’ve grown up with a mother with mental health issues then that’s hard enough. I don’t understand your point.

Why? She’s got mental health issues, why be so unkind. Just breaking up with him is enough, no extra drama required. God some people are really cold/cruel.

Yes this, good luck with your conversation tonight after the kids have gone to bed. Don’t let him talk you around, he’s been an utter ballbag.

She probably hasn't got mental health issues though has she, he's made it up to explain why he is still paying for the mortgage when he probably still lives there.

Well you don’t know that, but why risk it if she does? I find that unnecessary. He’s the one at fault here, don’t drag the poor woman into it, she might well be another victim of his terrible behaviour.

So doesn’t she deserve to know she’s married to a lying cheating piece of shit?

How did you make that massive leap? FFS. I said nothing of the sort and you know it. I made the point that if she IS mentally unwell then just rushing in and splurging the news isn’t exactly conducive to her wellbeing. Talk to HIM first and find out the lay of the land. It’s also actually for HIM to break it to his wife. If he doesn’t then telling her is the reserve option.

He’s a scum bag and you deserve better.

He's very much married...he has used all the classics.. mental ex, adult children needing support, works long hrs so cannot do holidays etc with you, and christ on a bike...3 yes and you've not met anyone from his life....that red flag just slapped you round the face... haven't you ever asked or suggested you meet his kids ??? Or his friends?
They could come stay or you could all go away for weekend??
Of course not ...he is married and you are the OW.
So so sorry OP...you have nothing to be ashamed off.
I'm devious though...I'd be quiet about it for now and do some digging..his kids will have social media...their mum might be in pics or listed as a friend or follower, find her social media and see...bet her status is married and they'll be pics of them together. He cannot weasel out of it then

God this sounds exactly the same script as a friend whose partner of 30 years won't leave his wife, is a work aholic. Though she knows he's married. The gonna together loads and spend lots of time together but then he has to leave for work emergencies which are his family commitments. I find it crazy.

Not meeting his family /sons at all in 3yrs is a red flag

Sadly sounds like you are the OW

I'm so sorry @Confusedcrush. I think you've been utterly duped.

You're better than this. Don't let this predatory man define your future. Kick him straight to the curb.

Best of luck.

You THINK he and his wife live separately? How could you not know?

If it turns out he is in fact still married, then I'm sorry he's done this to you.

Your circumstances are just right where he could insert himself comfortably into your life without you making too many demands of him.

You believe that? Gullible.

MH, what does that even mean anyway? That the wife has boundaries and the bf of OP doesn’t want her to know or she would hit the roof? Sounds like it.

OP, I'm so sorry. You are rightly devasted; this is a huge betrayal.